his wedding, my son is barely invited.

3v3

shellsuit wrote: »

They're both her ex's children though, which is the point Zoe was trying to make, I think.

Further back to this, Zoe's point was (bold is mine):

Zoetoes wrote: »

..... But then I read the next post which said his more recently born child is a page boy and yours/his son isn't, you just don't do that, and how the hell is this 4 year old little boy going to feel when he's there watching his half brother having the outfit and playing his part?? ... .

To which I replied:

...I do feel, being realistic, that from the marrying couples point of view, the presence of *their* son, as pageboy, would (by human nature) take presidence over a child from the previous relationship of just the one of them? And, to be fair, is that really, truly, unreasonable? After all, it would be the younger child's *parents* getting married to one another? Unfortunate, perhaps: devasting news? Not really, more ... *understandable* if anything.

Zoe believes that is "sh!te" and "decent" parents "don't do that". Her point isn't proven simply because I don't have any favourites amongst my five!

The father may well have two sons, but it is relevant that he is marrying the mother of one of them

3v3

LolaLemon wrote: »

...
Schools start back this week (I think) , I go back to uni in 2 weeks.

Glasgow uni term dates for 2011-2012 states teaching begins 19th September.

scheming_gypsy

LolaLemon wrote: »

Today I will see sons father, so I will be asking where he intends son to be going from 3-7. And we shall take it from their.

.

STOP (hammer time)..... now obviously it could just be the way you've typed it but if you ask him that "where do you intend your son to go etc etc" then it's not going to help.
Like you said, there's been a lack of communication between the three of you so now's the best time to start working on it. He wants his son to be there and you want him to be there so now it's working together to work out how to do it best - between you!!

Rebecca01

3v3 wrote: »

Glasgow uni term dates for 2011-2012 states teaching begins 19th September.

So that fits well for next month then.

cheepskate_2

scheming_gypsy wrote: »

STOP (hammer time)..... now obviously it could just be the way you've typed it but if you ask him that "where do you intend your son to go etc etc" then it's not going to help.
Like you said, there's been a lack of communication between the three of you so now's the best time to start working on it. He wants his son to be there and you want him to be there so now it's working together to work out how to do it best - between you!!

You beat me to it. It may be just because it is in written form.

You know what childcare you have available, let him know that it is Gran etc that will be looking after him from 3.

You may find that without all the animosities, that your son can build a better realationship with his extended family

Luckyred

I have read all the posts in this thread and all I want to say is that the whole situation makes me feel sad and heart sorry for the innocent little boy in the midst of it. All he wants to do is go the wedding of his dad who doesnt appear to care as much about him as he does about his other son. Then there is his his mum who appears to be making every excuse under the sun as to why she cant get him picked up at 7pm. Thank goodness he is only four so hopefully it will just become a vague memory to him thereby avoiding any hurt he might otherwise feel if he knew what an massive inconvenience to both his parents it had been for him to attend the wedding. :mad:

LolaLemon

cheepskate wrote: »

You beat me to it. It may be just because it is in written form.

You know what childcare you have available, let him know that it is Gran etc that will be looking after him from 3.

You may not think you do anything wrong, but come across as very obtrusive.

Gran is not looking after him from 3, she is only available from 7. Same as every other week.

I may come across as obtrusive that is not my intentions.

My mother (and a few others) have said my main flaw is that I am that laid back I am almost horizontal. I know it probably looks as tho I am being awkward, but considering they have known date for 2 years, and I had to practically beg to even be given that date, to make sure son was available, so I didn't agree to go to kids parties and the family wedding that we are invited to 2 weeks after this one. I know all this has gotten 'my back up' which it is the reason why I have asked for practical advice on here.
Instead, every aspect of my life us being questioned, from was son planned? To if u love him u will do x, y & z (circumstances do not always allow for u to do what u want or even should) to give my son up for adoption as its apparent he is not wanted! All because I can't go collect him, when it is them that have changed what they wanted from my son. That is their choice to make, but as they know I work, and nursery has no space for son in that segment, then really they should have contacted me way before now, so we could arrange something else.
As it is, he has responsibility for son 52 weeks of the year, he seems to be ignoring this fact, just because its his wedding day.

Last point, I said I was going to university, I did not say that my year was back then.
I missed a lot of second trimester through illness and then death of my best friend and her 18month old, the funeral was on day of my exam. I need to go and catch up so I can restart with my year. Or the past years struggles have bn for nothing.

fannyanna

LolaLemon wrote: »

As it is, he has responsibility for son 52 weeks of the year, he seems to be ignoring this fact, just because its his wedding day.

Of course. Because whether you like it or not his wedding day is more important to him than your Son on that day.

cheepskate_2

What would you do if your ex suddenly took ill, the morning of picking your son up and he couldnt make the pick up?

You must have something in place for such an emergency.

Rather than get uptight about who is in right or wrong, just use your emergency contact.
Arguing is not going to make it better.

If you have no childcare, then as in any situation , you would tell your employer and get that day off.

no doubt because it has got your back up it is making you more temperamental than normal, as it would with us all.

Ignore the comments about adoption etc, its an open forum and you will get opinions to the far sides of "everything"

Strapped

Options as I see it: (a) son returns at 3 and you miss 4 hours at uni (b) you throw a sickie from work and pick son up at 7 (c) son returns at 3 and you find someone to watch son until 7 - a friend, another family member, the boyfriend? (d) your mother goes to pick him up at 7 using public transport, or a taxi - this might be quite costly, but the ex may offer to pay for it given the special occasion (and dare I add, the relief at not having to see you on his wedding day?).

My money's still on you choosing not to send your son at all though tbh.