his wedding, my son is barely invited.

3v3

Zoetoes wrote: »

The point is, you didn't favour one over another.

No, the real point is, they are all from my womb. (Have you been on the sherry or something?)

In the OP's scenario she is comparing the child from her womb with a child from another woman's womb (who just happens to be the bride - a signifcant factor, I believe!). So, perhaps your question should have read: "Which child is your favourite, yours or another woman's?"; the answer is a no-brainer!

shellsuit

3v3 wrote: »

No, the real point is, they are all from my womb. (Have you been on the sherry or something?)

In the OP's scenario she is comparing the child from her womb with a child from another woman's womb (who just happens to be the bride - a signifcant factor, I believe!). So, perhaps your question should have read: "Which child is your favourite, yours or another woman's?"; the answer is a no-brainer!

They're both her ex's children though, which is the point Zoe was trying to make, I think.

LolaLemon

I haven't read all of the posts since I last posted, mobile connection is for some reason, being slow or non existent.(I don't have home internet, as laptop broke, I haven't gotten round to fixing it yet, so saved some money by cancelling internet, as fone has unlimited net browsing, - just to answer someone's question on how I can afford or have use if a mobile, although I don't see where the reliance is)

Schools start back this week (I think) , I go back to uni in 2 weeks. The wedding is on a Friday. Access with my son is on a Friday. My son seems to have a good relationship with his dad, I have tried to increase access, as son wants to spend more time with his brother, they declined. He has son 3-7pm every Friday. And should have him 10-6 on the last Saturday of the month. Does not always happen. He used to stay over 1 night a month, this lasted for 7 months.
from what I see, and hear from son, he enjoys time at his grandparents, although he isn't as keen on the grandmother as he is with the grandfather. He also gets along with his aunt, her partner and 2 kids.
I have offered to wash sons bedding, so he can stay over, that was declined.
Son has got kilt to wear. So will look part of the family. They do not treat son horribly, their different (can't find the word I want here, but will use this...) favoritism is in what they do, and without sounding like a gold digger, in what they buy. (I would rather time spent with son than silly toys)

Re; uni. Yes I am fully aware of what financial support my university offers, I'm hoping that this year we can apply as soon as we go back, instead of having to wait until nearer the end of October. I have previously borrowed money from the student welfare department and still have to pay that back before I can borrow any more.

Re; car. 2 different garages have advised me that my car is road worthy, but due to it barely being used for past 2 years, then they have advised taking it on the motorway without 'working up to 70 mph.' As that would cause car more damage than worth. I gave looked into getting a new car, but my savings do not stretch that far, and I know I won't get HP. I wasn't going to keep car, but found insurance within an acceptable amount, car passed mot, and we have horrible winters.
No I do not go out for day trips, go on holiday, and I don't really go visiting friends either. I don't have the finances for the first 2 and as I work weekends my friends usually come to the pub for a drink or 2, b4 going somewhere a bit better. I know it is a bit if a 1 sided friendship, but during the summer, I made the effort to meet up with them during the week, get the kids to play etc.
Staying on topic of money, I don't have a lot, I do struggle. I go without so that my son doesn't. I wear my jeans til they are falling apart. A lot of reasons why I am on MSE, so I could learn how to stretch our money.

Maintenance that I receive, mostly goes on sons childcare, my wages don't even cover mortgage, and I still have to pay half of childcare fees, even after the uni fund.

It was the case that my son was staying over, it was only 2 weeks ago that I was asked to pick son up at 7. Then a week later, being told that son was being dropped of at 3. I can see why they are doing that, but their has been no communication with me, no making sure that someone is available to watch son. This has been my issue.
Previously before I got the job, I did used to help out with regards to pick ups and drop offs, and also times, but due to their reluctance to help with childcare and me getting a job, then I am unable to be as flexible as what I was.

The issue on whether my child was planned for or not, really is not anyone's business. But planned for or not, he was wanted from the moment I knew.
As we where not together at that point, I did give him the option of being an active father or if he wanted to walk away, that was fine also. He, for the pregnancy chose to ignore us, which was fine by me, hence no name on bc. He made the effort to see his son for approx 1 hour a fortnight up until son was 7 months, then nothing for 4 months, after then I set the times and told him he needed only to fone and we could arrange more days, times etc. He didn't ask for any more until son was around 2.5, VIA solicitor, I agreed to everything his solicitor asked for, but he would tell me he couldn't do what solicitors asked, so we came to current agreement ourselves, got my solicitor to advice his what we had agreed, with it always increasing every few months. The last part hasn't happened.

The whole issue on anyone's choice to have a child, does lie with the mother, but I have always made any bf fully aware that I was not on the pill, and if I was to get pregnant, then I would continue with the pregnancy. My view is that if u are willing to partake in the act of creation, then why stop it if it works.(I have no view on abortion for other people, only for myself and how I would cope with the resulting emotions) . I did use condoms, but as with every contraception, it is never 100% (neither is sterilization, as my 39year old cousin found out after having the op 3 years ago!)

I may come across as bitter it whatever else I have been accused of, its not intended. I have no feelings for him, I think if him like I do any other ex bf, apart from we created a child together .

The main problem is lack of communication between the 3 of us, when issues have happened in past, I gave asked that the 3 of us get together, as I do suspect that he says 1 thing to me and another to her, which does not help us in any way. That has been declined for various reasons.

Today I will see sons father, so I will be asking where he intends son to be going from 3-7. And we shall take it from their.

Oh their was also something mentioned abt taking train to collect son, the hotel is no where near the train station, I don't even know where the hotel is, I do know the general area, but that is same as me saying I know where Manchester is, but it is a big area, I am guestimating at a 60 mile round trip, it could be easy to find or it could be hard. It is on a private estate, from what he has said, nothing for miles.

Marisco

shellsuit wrote: »

They're both her ex's children though,

But with the best will in the world, he's obviously going to think more of the child he has with his future wife. It might be wrong etc,etc, but that's life I'm afraid. He wasn't even in a relationship with the op when the child was born!! I think it would probably be different if he'd brought him up for the first couple of years or so. And TBH, reading the posts, there does seem to be an awful lot of excuses as to why the op cannot take him herself. (I hadn't noticed until they were set out by a couple of posters!!!)

puddy

i just knew OP was going to mention doing 70mph on the motorway. its not mandatory you know, just travel on the inside lane and dont overtake, do 50 ish or slower if that is what you are comfortable with. there are no minimum speeds on motorways despite what idiots thinnk

LolaLemon

Sorry for spelling mistakes, fat fingers, predictive text and a smallest screen is not the best combination.

fannyanna

OP - whilst I'm probably more on the exes side (I can completely understand why his other child is favoured and in my opinion it's justified) I do feel sorry for you and you do have my sympathy. Firstly you are in a difficult position and secondly some of the posts directed at the OP have been unnecessarily harsh.

Marisco

That's a rubbish argument anyway!! I travelled all over the country a few years ago in a very elderly Beetle! I lived down south and used to go to Wales to see family at least once a month. And traveled up to Tyne & Wear from the south coast a number of times, before I moved here. And it wasn't a "done up" one either!! Rust and goodwill was keeping it together!:) I couldn't go faster than 70 anyway, as the poor thing used to shake and rattle over that!!!:D

puddy

Marisco wrote: »

I couldn't go faster than 70 anyway, as the poor thing used to shake and rattle over that!!!:D

but you didnt try did you as its illegal....

Marisco

puddy wrote: »

but you didnt try did you as its illegal....

Perish the thought........:whistle: