his wedding, my son is barely invited.

fannyanna

princessdreamer wrote: »

Maybe the father should have put more thought in to rearing his first child before having more.

So he should not have had a child with the woman that he is marrying???? All because he was made a reluctant Father by his ex girlfriend.

Oh yes, that seems very logical.

princessdreamer

puddy wrote: »

the father didnt want to drop the child off early, it was planned for 7pm. it was mother that said 7pm wasnt appropriate so dad changed it to 3pm so that mother was only 10 mins away and could get there easier


what sort of life do you lead that would result in you 'getting a good hiding' because you would pick your child up from your ex's family?

i dread to think

I live a nice middle class life unlike ex and his family, I'd get a good hiding because it would be funny, they would claim I had turned up to cause trouble and deny wanting the child picked up.
It would be a case of who the hell do I think I am turning up in nice clothes, make-up done and my nice car. You know the kind of stuff you have when you have pride, unlike the benefit claiming aledgedly fiddling lot of them.
I threw him out for hitting me, abusing me and taking my money as well as having multiple affairs. Maybe you think I should put up with it or deserve it for thinking working is better than living on benefits.TBH I am hurt that you would assume that the one who gets hit is the one in the wrong, I think anyone using violence is in the wrong.

globetraveller

fannyanna wrote: »

So he should not have had a child with the woman that he is marrying???? All because he was made a reluctant Father by his ex girlfriend.

Oh yes, that seems very logical.

Are we in the last century here?? If he was going to be a reluctant father then he should have put something on it. Are all men who suddenly find out they are going to be fathers to children they never want numpties????

CH27

This thread has made me very sad. The poor little boy is being made an inconvenience.

IMO the ex has been more than fair with changing his arrangements & wanting his son there.
They boy staying at the hotel is really feasible given his allergies.

IMO the OP needs to be equally fair & ensure the boy gets to the wedding.

fannyanna

globetraveller wrote: »

Are we in the last century here?? If he was going to be a reluctant father then he should have put something on it. Are all men who suddenly find out they are going to be fathers to children they never want numpties????

He did.

The OP has said that condoms were used.

shellsuit

princessdreamer wrote: »

I live a nice middle class life unlike ex and his family, I'd get a good hiding because it would be funny, they would claim I had turned up to cause trouble and deny wanting the child picked up.
It would be a case of who the hell do I think I am turning up in nice clothes, make-up done and my nice car. You know the kind of stuff you have when you have pride, unlike the benefit claiming aledgedly fiddling lot of them.
I threw him out for hitting me, abusing me and taking my money as well as having multiple affairs. Maybe you think I should put up with it or deserve it for thinking working is better than living on benefits.TBH I am hurt that you would assume that the one who gets hit is the one in the wrong, I think anyone using violence is in the wrong.

All assumptions...

Maybe they don't like you because you're a snob?

Your ex is the one you have the problem with, so why talk derogatory about his family, plus anyone else who doesn't have a 'nice middle class life'?

*max*

"My sons sperm donor is getting married next month, abt 2 weeks back, he asked me to pick son up from venue at 7pm, I said I can't as I am working, plus my car isn't that reliable for a 60+ mile round trip. He went in a huff, saying that no one can take him home, as 'everyone is staying at the hotel.
This week I got a text telling me of the plans for son, and the date of the wedding.
He is to be picked up at 11 and will get dropped off at 3pm.
I am absolutely livid on my sons behalf. He is not invited for the meal, nor for the party.
Yet his 2 nieces are invited, some of his friends kids are invited their son is going to be their. AND THEY ARE ALL STAYING OVER!"

What a palaver this thread has been...Anyway!
I think it's clear from the first post that OP never even considered alternative options when she was fist told the boy had to be picked up at 7pm and just told the father no, can't do. Since the father will be pretty busy at that time (what with it being his wedding day and all), he has decided that the boy would have to be dropped off at 3pm instead. That isn't, however, convenient to the OP either. It's quite clear she was expecting the boy to stay over for the night (see the capital letters...), even though she knows the trouble there was previously with that arrangement (allergies). Considering there hasn't been that much contact over the years, I can understand why the father and his future wife would not feel comfortable having the boy overnight on their wedding night. I'm not saying it's great, I'm saying it's understandable.

I can see 2 options:
1/ OP organises for her mother (would would have been looking after the boy from 7pm anyway) to pick up the child from the wedding at 7pm. Have a friend drive her if she can't? Taxi? Train? Surely there is a way. This would ensure the child gets to participate in his father's wedding.

2/ Child doesn't go at all. Obviously, not a nice prospect.

I really think the OP has to make an effort here, if only to make her son happy. Swallow all that resentment, be the bigger person. Two wrongs don't make a right.

MrsE_2

LolaLemon wrote: »

All because I can't go collect him, when it is them that have changed what they wanted from my son. That is their choice to make, but as they know I work, and nursery has no space for son in that segment, then really they should have contacted me way before now, so we could arrange something else.
As it is, he has responsibility for son 52 weeks of the year, he seems to be ignoring this fact, just because its his wedding day.
.

My daughters father & I were married & she was planned (not that, that really matters - but he CHOOSE to be a father).

After we separated I looked on her as my sole responsibility, I never assumed her would pick up any childcare. He did see her, whenever he choose. If I had demanded anything she probably wouldn't have seen him at all.

Thats my point, he's your ex, you can't rely on him. You son & his care & childcare is your responsibility. Accept that & you will be much happier. Look on any time they spend together as a bonus, but you don't pull your exs strings anymore & he's not going to do what you want him to & he's not going to be reliable.

However I think the dad should do all the facilitating when it comes to contact, its up to him to collect & deliver. I guess for his wedding you could ask him for petrol money or a train fare for you to help out.

Reverbe

Marisco wrote: »

The op has already said all her workmates are on leave. I think 13Kent and 3v3 have hit the nails squarely on the head here!! I'm also curious about the uni excuse, I thought uni didn't start until about the second week in Sept??? I know they usually start about a week after schools, and they are generally the first week in Sept.

END of Sept ish when I went.. it's all starting to whiff of windup a bit..we are in August now...

Reverbe

They call Uni Terms Trimesters now?? I thought that was just a pregnancy expression???

This really isnt ringing true at all..