his wedding, my son is barely invited.

newcook

Zoetoes wrote: »

Are you referring to this?

but they did tell son he was going to the party and he can dance with the best man's wee girl, who apparently fancies son, think she is 4 as well.

Let's not take it out of context, it's obviously meant in a cute way for them to have a dance together and be friends.

agree on this - Im sure we all know/seen kids this age having a dance or holding hands or giving a hug and said how cute it is

Zoetoes

newcook wrote: »

yes they do both have a responsibility but you said that she and he chose to have the baby - he didnt, the OP chose to continue with the pregnancy. Im guessing the ex didnt have any say in the matter at all. while they were both part of the 'process' it was the OP's sole decision to keep the baby and the majority of the responsibility should be with the OP.

Luckily not everyone thinks this way.

the ex has offered alternatives to try and fit with OP that can also be fitted around their wedding but OP has snubbed the options and has said that her son is being excluded.
he is not being excluded - ex wanted son to be there until 7pm so he could enjoy the meal and the start of the party but OP refuses to go and collect son. as all the guests are staying over at the hotel Im guessing they will all be drinking therefore unable to take 2 hours out of the wedding to drive (and even if they werent drinking probably wouldnt want to miss 2 hours of the wedding anyway)
ex has said ok we will have him dropped off after the service then but OP has still played her face at that.

he probably could stay overnight but from what I can tell from what OP has said, he doesnt have a great relationship with ex's side so are pretty much strangers to him (yes, that is ex's fault) but he would probably be quite scared staying overnight with strangers - especially if his allergies kick in because whoever was looking after him may not know about them.

I agree that OP should find a way of picking the little boy up, if it was me I would be making that my priority.

I am not disputing the ex had 'invited' the little boy to the day, by including him I meant he should have both boys playing equal parts in the wedding.

And just to ask, why has the ex said only until 7pm? Because it's the normal time he would be dropping him back off on visit days? Why can't he stay until later? Kids are usually up later for a wedding, the evening won't even be getting started then, I'm sure he'd love to stay for the disco etc

Zoetoes

Now I've thought about the 7pm thing, it seems that the ex could simply be having the little boy for the time he usually does and that's all, just because he feels he can't 'get out of it'? Why wouldn't he have him there past 7pm?

I'm starting to think more and more that this little boy just isn't wanted, unfortunately he already knows about the wedding. What is fair? To let him go and maybe he will be unhappy? Or not let him go and he will ask why?

Are the visits just once a month? Is it really a 'relationship' at all? I feel very sad for this little boy.

shellsuit

Maybe OP could ask the ex who will be having her little boys brother during the day and night, and suggest whoever has her little boy too?

If nobody on the ex's side is willing to watch the lad, day and night, considering they are family to him, is it worth sending him at all?

I'd be as upset as the OP, but if it looks like if the OP wants her lad to go, she is going to have to sort it all out.

Nicki

Maybe both children are to leave/be put to bed at 7pm? We were married long before kids came along, but had we not been, I think I would still have wanted mine in bed by that time, even on our wedding day, so the adults could enjoy some adult time too. 8 hours at a wedding celebration is a long time for a 4 year old (and a younger half sibling) and they will be fractious and miserable if up for much longer anyway, especially if they are used to going to bed early.

I'm not sure it helps OP to speculate on extra ways that the half brother is being favoured, other than being a page boy to be honest. She already seems fairly set in her own mind that all the plans have been made with the sole intention of snubbing her son.

FatVonD

LolaLemon wrote: »

I'm not sure if the manager will be about, he normally only stays til I get their then generally heads home.

Then the manager will have to cover your shift himself (or arrange temporary cover) it's part and parcel of being a manager.

You mentioned in an earlier post that it would take an hour to get there by train, I'm sure a ride on a train home with you would be the best end to the day ever for a 4-year-old boy. I'm sure one of the guests could collect and deliver you back to the train station at their end and you could park your car at your end.

Rebecca01

Plus a pageboy as an infant won't have a very active role. Can he even walk yet? He will just be wearing a pretty outfit , as will everyone else at the wedding.

whitewing

It would make sense that the bride's mother/father is having the half brother during the evening/night.

In view of the OP's son allergies and the fact they probably don't know the OP at all, I would guess they would be extremely nervous of having the OP's son overnight in case OP found anything to complain about. And perhaps OP wouldn't feel comfortable to let her little boy go unless he was with his dad overnight. I think it's unrealistic to expect the bride and groom not to want to be alone in their room on their wedding night.

FatVonD

whitewing wrote: »

It would make sense that the bride's mother/father is having the half brother during the evening/night.

That thought occurred to me too

Zoetoes

Nicki wrote: »

Maybe both children are to leave/be put to bed at 7pm? We were married long before kids came along, but had we not been, I think I would still have wanted mine in bed by that time, even on our wedding day, so the adults could enjoy some adult time too. 8 hours at a wedding celebration is a long time for a 4 year old (and a younger half sibling) and they will be fractious and miserable if up for much longer anyway, especially if they are used to going to bed early.

I'm not sure it helps OP to speculate on extra ways that the half brother is being favoured, other than being a page boy to be honest. She already seems fairly set in her own mind that all the plans have been made with the sole intention of snubbing her son.

I wasn't suggesting the other son would be enjoying the party past 7pm, I am wondering why the 4 year old won't be, and asking if the 7pm comes from being the usual end of visit time.

I agree perhaps about not having so many children at the evening party but the bride or groom's children would usually be there?