Preferred child (as adults)

shandypants5

Op.. you are a "Grown up" now.

You are not a child, prefered or not.

You are EXTREMELY lucky to have wealth of this level in your family, but you are still complaining that someone else is even luckier than you.

Take any gifts that come your way with good grace and be gratefull.

How your parents spend their money is no concern of yours.

You sound like you do not NEED these gifts so grow up and stop whinging.

Molly41

Interesting comments as I recently had a conversation with my 15 year old son along similar lines. He was miffed because he perceived that his siblings (21,19 and 17) had (up until now) more spent on them. On careful consideration - he was right and I openly admitted it to him. I then went onto say that I treated each child as an individual and spent what I needed accordingly. However I went onto say that in the future I was sure I would spend money on him for similar experiences/ gifts. I did say that I tried to be fair but that it was incredibly difficult sometimes juggling the different needs of children. I felt got at and have to admit quite upset but appreciated the fact that I had an open and honest discussion with my son and our relationship could stand such a discussion. Might I suggest you have a similar conversation with your parents?

On a separate note - I am an only child and it was (and still is) an incredibly lonely existence. Perhaps that is why I had four kids? Anyway perhaps your mother is compensating for the birth of your son. Has she been generous to him? I ask this because I am forgotten by parents in favour of their grandchildren (they will have an inheritance ) but that is fine because they are my kids are benefitting.

mildred1978

smartpicture wrote: »

I don't see why we have to spend equally on our children.

One year for their birthdays, I bought driving lessons for one child (because that's what she wanted/needed) at a cost of £1000 and a laptop for the other child (because that's what she wanted/needed) at a cost of £300. Does that mean I love one less than the other? Of course not. It meant that I bought each what they wanted/needed, and they were both very grateful that I could afford it and wanted to treat them in that way. Another year, it might be in different proportions. If either one of them started complaining because the other one got more, I would have taken the gifts back and told them to buy their own treats in future because I would have been shocked at their ingratitude.

That's one year, and you bought them both something useful. I am assuming they aren't twins. Would you deny the other driving lessons and make them work to pay for them themselves?

I don't think my sister's diamond rings etc were needs or wants - they're hardly a useful gift, are they?

smartpicture wrote: »

This is how it works: each child will have what they need from me when they need it because I love them both. Sometimes that will mean spending more money on one than the other, sometimes that will mean spending more time with one than the other, sometimes that will mean making more sacrifices for one than the other, depending on their needs at that time. Over a lifetime, I would expect that to even out, but if it doesn't, it still means that I did my best as a loving mother to meet their needs in whatever way I could, and I hope I've brought them up well enough to appreciate that.

And if it ends up as a 90/10 split.........??

smartpicture wrote: »

You need to stop comparing and complaining, and just look at your own relationship with your mother in isolation. She helps you out financially and gives you lovely gifts from time to time, this should make you happy! If you feel she isn't loving enough or your relationship excluding the money is not very good, then address that issue with her. It doesn't matter what happens between your sister and your mother, so stop letting envy of that stand in the way of you appreciating what you have got.

Does she? I don't recall that. She's helped my sister out financially when she didn't even need it!

mildred1978

shandypants5 wrote: »

Op.. you are a "Grown up" now.

You are not a child, prefered or not.

You are EXTREMELY lucky to have wealth of this level in your family, but you are still complaining that someone else is even luckier than you.

Lucky? It wasn't a lottery win! My mother suffered some pretty serious injuries which led to a massive payout. I have told her on numerous occasions that she should be spending the money on herself and my father, but it seems she'd rather buy trinkets on a regular basis for one child instead.

My husband and I have worked EXTREMELY hard for every penny we have. No luck there either.

shandypants5 wrote: »

Take any gifts that come your way with good grace and be gratefull.

How your parents spend their money is no concern of yours.

You sound like you do not NEED these gifts so grow up and stop whinging.

Oh, but my sister NEEDS more diamonds :rotfl:

CH27

OP do your parents support you emotionally?
Are they good grandparents to your child?

If so, you need to let this bitterness go & accept them as they are.
I would far rather have the emotional support my dad gives me than any money in the world.
My son's relationship with his grandad is also way beyond value.

mildred1978

Molly41 wrote: »

Interesting comments as I recently had a conversation with my 15 year old son along similar lines. He was miffed because he perceived that his siblings (21,19 and 17) had (up until now) more spent on them. On careful consideration - he was right and I openly admitted it to him. I then went onto say that I treated each child as an individual and spent what I needed accordingly. However I went onto say that in the future I was sure I would spend money on him for similar experiences/ gifts.

And if you don't? Ever?

Molly41 wrote: »

I did say that I tried to be fair but that it was incredibly difficult sometimes juggling the different needs of children.

This isn't about needs though.

Molly41 wrote: »

I felt got at and have to admit quite upset but appreciated the fact that I had an open and honest discussion with my son and our relationship could stand such a discussion. Might I suggest you have a similar conversation with your parents?

Perhaps.

Molly41 wrote: »

On a separate note - I am an only child and it was (and still is) an incredibly lonely existence. Perhaps that is why I had four kids? Anyway perhaps your mother is compensating for the birth of your son. Has she been generous to him? I ask this because I am forgotten by parents in favour of their grandchildren (they will have an inheritance ) but that is fine because they are my kids are benefitting.

Not really.

mildred1978

CH27 wrote: »

OP do your parents support you emotionally?
Are they good grandparents to your child?

If so, you need to let this bitterness go & accept them as they are.
I would far rather have the emotional support my dad gives me than any money in the world.
My son's relationship with his grandad is also way beyond value.

My dad, yes. My mum, not really. It's her money and her spending. Dad's still the same as ever.

My son will be a year old shortly and my husband and I have not had so much as a night out on our own since he arrived. My parents visit once a fortnight or so, but don't babysit etc.

mildred1978

Those of you that think I'm spoilt, I have a question.

If you won a million on the lottery, would you treat your friends and family or keep every penny to yourself? Would you buy one sibling a house and another a ticket to the opera, or would you try to spend similar amounts?

CH27

mildred1978 wrote: »

My dad, yes. My mum, not really. It's her money and her spending. Dad's still the same as ever.

My son will be a year old shortly and my husband and I have not had so much as a night out on our own since he arrived. My parents visit once a fortnight or so, but don't babysit etc.

Have you asked them too babysit?
Are they fit enough to babysit?

CH27

mildred1978 wrote: »

Those of you that think I'm spoilt, I have a question.

If you won a million on the lottery, would you treat your friends and family or keep every penny to yourself? Would you buy one sibling a house and another a ticket to the opera, or would you try to spend similar amounts?

I would buy them what made them happy. Cost wouldn't come into it.