Preferred child (as adults)

mildred1978

MrsE wrote: »

The differing value of the gifts is like the differing amount of love.

Sort of, but not entirely.

I don't care what they spend, but giving gifts every few weeks when I didn't get so much as a card last year?

Plans_all_plans

But the value of the gifts has no correlation to love, does it? Only someone who feels a lack of self worth for whatever reason would equate it with that in my opinion.

They may feel you got more quality time as a child; that you are more sorted in your relationship/emotionally than she is; that you have a child and she'd love one, but isn't in a place to have one now; they're saving for your grandchild instead; you've said in the past "honestly, enjoy your money, we don't need it, we just enjoy spending time with you" and she hasn't; they might give you free childcare etc etc.

If I was being ridiculous, she could be blackmailing them with something for all you know?! At the end of the day, as long as you feel loved by your parents, that's all that matters.

Violetta_2

mildred1978 wrote: »

Nope. Has a hot shot exec as a partner. Hot and cold running BMWs, 5* holidays every couple of months and every luxury you could imagine in their flat.

Oh there goes that theory, I'll admit although I don't consider myself materialistic I would find it odd if my sibling who was not in need as it were (ie skint) was given so many expensive presents. I think I would be a bit miffed.

mountainofdebt

mildred1978 wrote: »

The inequity I've experienced my whole life is the reason my son will be remaining an only child.

So YOU dont' trust yourself to treat two children equally so that's why you're sticking to one?

Tbh I think you're acting like a spoilt child who is mental totting up what is given to her sibling just in case they get more.

If you loved the holiday and you love the necklace then what's the problem???

kat74

I can see why you might be miffed when you look just at the numbers.
The title of your post 'preferred child' is telling - do you see that they give your sister more money because they like her more?
It may be that they think she needs more help and support and money is the one thing that they can provide.
You mention your sister getting an expensive car because she'd had a tough year... if you were in a tough situation, would they help you out (with money or with anything else)?
You mention you have an OH - does your sister have a partner or anyone else who can support her (emotionally)?
I've had a few problems lately and my parents have said they can give me financial help if needed - I 've not taken it as money isn't the answer in my case - but they've not offered practical, emotional or any other type of support - which I would prefer. They are just not 'touchy-feely' people, so offering money is thier way of trying to help. Maybe it's something like this?


Are they buying her jewellery to cheer her up because they don't know what else to do?

Do they see you as settled with your partner, therefore no longer their financial 'responsiblity'? Your parents my think you are more independant, less needy, more sucessful, more financially stable than your sister so less in 'need' of their money.

Have they provided support to you in other ways, that your sister maybe hasn't needed?

I'm waffling a bit now - so will stop; I'm just trying to look at it from different angles. They may not be thinking "we like daughter A £10,000 worth, but we only like daughter B £5,000 worth". Money might just a be a clumsy way of trying to support one of thier daughters?

(just seen I've cross-posted with a couple of other posters!)

marywooyeah

I can see where you're coming from. your parents have given you a lot, but the value spent on her is so much more. Whilst it would be hard for your parents to ensure they spent the exact ame amount of you both, 3k compared to 30k is a massive difference, and like you say she has been getting gifts all year too.

I would calmly say to your mum that you thought all the big gifts were done and its more the fact that your sister and mum have kept secrets from you (you said your mum didnt want you to find out) and thats more harmful, but you also can't help but feel that you have worked hard your whole life and she has had everything given to her on a plate. You'll never know unless you ask outright, but you do need to be aware that your parents have given you a lot - the holiday you described is a dream holiday to me but I wouldn't dare spent that amount on a trip I see that amount of money as a big chunk towards a house!

polejunkie

mildred1978 wrote: »

The value is unimportant. Would you spend £10 on one child's birthday present and £500 on the other?

Or 50p on sweets for one child and £20 on the other?

Would you? Really?

This isn't about sweets though, its cars, holidays and jewellery.

Trying to justify your feelings of inadequacy by comparing your holiday to a 50p sweet and her car to a large bag of pick and mix really on a money saving forum where some people have not even been out of the country just makes you sound spoilt.

sparrer

mildred1978 wrote: »

The inequity I've experienced my whole life is the reason my son will be remaining an only child.

How terribly sad to deny your child siblings because you experienced something that made you unhappy. You say you won't have more than one child because you might do the same. Why would you, the unfairness you think you've experienced is upsetting you so surely you'd not do the same to your own children? Or will you tell your son what you've told us, when he grows up and asks why he's an only child?

mildred1978

polejunkie wrote: »

This isn't about sweets though, its cars, holidays and jewellery.

Trying to justify your feelings of inadequacy by comparing your holiday to a 50p sweet and her car to a large bag of pick and mix really on a money saving forum where some people have not even been out of the country just makes you sound spoilt.

I didn't see anything saying that people with money can't post on this forum. I believe Martin Lewis is a millionnaire several times over

Point is that the value of the gifts is not important - the principle is the same. If you had £20 in your purse, and that was all the money you had, how would you split it between 2 children? 50/50? 60/40? 90/10?

mildred1978

sparrer wrote: »

How terribly sad to deny your child siblings because you experienced something that made you unhappy. You say you won't have more than one child because you might do the same. Why would you, the unfairness you think you've experienced is upsetting you so surely you'd not do the same to your own children? Or will you tell your son what you've told us, when he grows up and asks why he's an only child?

There's no law against only having one. There are several reasons I don't want more children.