Preferred child (as adults)

marywooyeah

mildred1978 wrote: »

I didn't see anything saying that people with money can't post on this forum. I believe Martin Lewis is a millionnaire several times over

Point is that the value of the gifts is not important - the principle is the same. If you had £20 in your purse, and that was all the money you had, how would you split it between 2 children? 50/50? 60/40? 90/10?

I'd split t 50/50, but then this comparison doesn't really tie in with your statement that is not the money that matters but the unfair treatment - but from what you've said it sounds like the money is the inequity in treatment of you and your sister, so it does matter.

theres no shame in saying you're angry or jealous of that amount of money being spent on your sister - I would be!

my sister owes my mum around £5,000, my brother owes similar amounts. I've borrowed around £500 from my mum and paid it all back. I'm the only one with a child and have worked to put myself through uni and keep a roof over our heads, not had a penny from my mum for this - sometimes she buys presents for my son - and we when go out for meals I often pay. It does my head in too that she helped them so much but won't even offer us anything, she didnt even get us a wedding present either. I feel I am treated differently as an adult too, so I do understand where you are coming from.

sarahevie

My OH has this with his parents. He is one of four.

The eldest two have nothing to do with their parents they are (16/18 years older than my OH in their mid forties). Fortunately my OH is very laid back, but it still galls me how they treat him. Always telling him he's a disappointment. They have disinherited him, the youngest sibling is getting their house and all their cash.

When we had our youngest child there was a big argument as his parents started a fight outside the hospital, we didn't see them for months even though they live two miles away. Taught them a lesson though, he stood up to them for the first time in his life and told them we didn't want anything to do with them. Eventually I reunited them as I don't like arguing.

There was another incident when we didn't chose his youngest sister 'golden child' as a god parent for our eldest. We don't feel able to marry as it would be another world war two.

The youngest child a woman of 25 (2 years younger than OH) cannot do a thing wrong. She has had her deposit on her house paid. I nick name her as 'saint xxxx' as she can do no wrong in their eyes. She is getting all the inheritance, they paid off her car loan. It's more than the money though she is always told how proud they are of her, they are always helping her with her flat.

I do worry as when we bump into them with our girls it is very clear that they prefer the eldest, so I cannot trust them to babysit, not that they would offer or want to. It's clearly just how they are.

I wouldn't let it put you off having another, we treat our girls fairly. My parents treat my sister and I fairly and OH knows how to treat our kids fairly despite it not being the norm with his own parents

victory

I am not sure the topic is appropiate for this forum and that is not said through envy for the eye watering amounts of money and gifts given by your parents, it is more because of maybe the lack of gratitude from both siblings, you are lucky,very well blessed, luckier that many a poster, worked hard also I know that, bemoaning such large amounts, equal or otherwise makes for uncomfortable reading.

mountainofdebt

OP

Unitl you can be totally honest with yourself and admit that the fact that your sister appears to be favoured is bugging you, there's very little that anyone can say to you.

If it bugs you that much you have a number of options:

1) Have it out with your mum and / or sister

2) Accept the fact that your sister has been given, and may continue to get more expensive gifts than you

3) Cut your mum and sister completely out of your life. That way you won't know what your sister has been given so what you don't know won't hurt you.

MCLF

I may be getting confused about the timeline here....but am I right in thinking that the presents to your sister have escalated during your pregnancy / birth of your child?

Has your sister any children?

Am just wondering if she has been trying unsuccessfully for a child and your mum knows this. Can be very very hard to have a pregnant sister when pregnancy is just not happening for you. Presents are to cheer her up - and the secrecy is because neither of them want to hurt you.
Plus sister might not want anyone to know.

Just a thought...I may be wide of the mark but thought I'd mention it.

mildred1978

mountainofdebt wrote: »

OP

Unitl you can be totally honest with yourself and admit that the fact that your sister appears to be favoured is bugging you, there's very little that anyone can say to you.

That's exactly what this thread is about! I've already admitted it!

mountainofdebt wrote: »

If it bugs you that much you have a number of options:

1) Have it out with your mum and / or sister

2) Accept the fact that your sister has been given, and may continue to get more expensive gifts than you

3) Cut your mum and sister completely out of your life. That way you won't know what your sister has been given so what you don't know won't hurt you.

I guess so.

pinkclouds

I don't think it's wrong to feel upset that vastly different sums of money are spent on your sibling's gifts. My parents have always tried to spend equally on our birthday and Christmas gifts. It would be different if these were serious/essential type things such as education or medical treatment. Or special milestones that the other sibling hasn't yet reached such as key birthdays, wedding, etc.

However, at the end of the day, you cannot tell your parents what to do. You will have to forgive whatever you can't forget. You are clearly much loved, even if it's not in exactly the same way as your sister.

mildred1978

victory wrote: »

I am not sure the topic is appropiate for this forum and that is not said through envy for the eye watering amounts of money and gifts given by your parents, it is more because of maybe the lack of gratitude from both siblings, you are lucky,very well blessed, luckier that many a poster, worked hard also I know that, bemoaning such large amounts, equal or otherwise makes for uncomfortable reading.

If i edit the OP and reduce everything by 3 decimal places would that help?

I don't see the difference between the amounts being a few pounds or a few million. I think it's that mum is spending hours thinking about and hunting out gifts for my sister for no reason, when she couldn't even be bothered to get me a belated birthday card for the birthday she forgot.

I haven't travelled very much, which is probably the reason they organised the Vegas trip (despite it being the last place on earth I would have chosen myself). Buying a £30k car for someone who lives in Central London and who buys a top of the range BMW every other year is a slightly odd choice in comparison, no?

mildred1978

MCLF wrote: »

I may be getting confused about the timeline here....but am I right in thinking that the presents to your sister have escalated during your pregnancy / birth of your child?

Has your sister any children?

Am just wondering if she has been trying unsuccessfully for a child and your mum knows this. Can be very very hard to have a pregnant sister when pregnancy is just not happening for you. Presents are to cheer her up - and the secrecy is because neither of them want to hurt you.
Plus sister might not want anyone to know.

Just a thought...I may be wide of the mark but thought I'd mention it.

My sister doesn't want children. She and her partner have split over it numerous times (he does want children but has accepted that the trophy girlfriend won't give them to him). She's all about appearance - fake hair, eyelashes, boobs, tan, nails, designer clothes. She acknowledges she's very selfish and self obsessed.

You've just triggered a recollection though. About a week after my son was born she visited and said very loudly (in a room full of people) that her nose was out of joint now that she wasn't the baby of the family and she'd be looking for compensation. I thought it was a joke (although she looked deadly serious) but maybe mum has taken it literally :eek:

neverdespairgirl

I think the jealousy from some posters shines through.

The OP is lucky to have had such generous presents, as she herself says. But if I were in the same position, where there was such a vast difference, I'd feel hurt, too. Especially given the concealment.

I'm the eldest of 4. I'm sure the amount my parents spend on presents for us varies, but there's no obvious and massive differences. I'd be upset if I were the OP, too.