Preferred child (as adults)

Torry_Quine

mildred1978 wrote: »

Parents who are more generous to one child than the other.

I have never wanted anything from my parents but fair treatment. Does expecting that make me spoiled?

Getting gifts of thousands of pounds doesn't make you spoiled? I would think most people would disagree with you.

The fairness or otherwise is another matter entirely and it is entirely your parents' decision as to what they spend on each of you.

pigpen

I dont think I have ever had more than about £150 spent on a single item by my parents.. I know my younger sisters get more spent on them than I ever did.. but so what?

You sound like a peevish child.. I know you cant see it but you sound one step away from having a tantrum and stamping your feet.

You have both been very very spoiled.. that is your parents prerogative.. you cant try to tell them where they can and cannot spend their money.. they obviously like spoiling you and have given you both things they knew you would like.

Last christmas I spent £75 on 3 of my children and £200 on a couple of the others... it doesnt mean I love any of them more than the other it means Ifound some very good deals on stuff and it was stuff they wanted.

I thought OH was spoiled when his mother spent £1700 on a laptop for him for his birthday last year, though she had spent £8000 on his sisters wedding!.. this year he was his 30th got £100 in the bank. I got a £52 microwave from my mother.. which up to now I have paid for myself!

I hope you can BOTH appreciate the gifts your parents are giving you.. you wont have them forever.. make the most of them! Look at the intention with which they are given rather than the price tag!

Spendless

mildred1978 wrote: »

The value is unimportant. Would you spend £10 on one child's birthday present and £500 on the other?

Or 50p on sweets for one child and £20 on the other?

Would you? Really?

Yes, possibly. Depending on who would like what or need what at any given time. My 2 are both in summer school this week. My son is doing science (his fav subject) via his school. It is free. Unless I was going to take the week off work, I needed DD to be somewhere. I could have found childcare for £40, cheaper if I'd roped in family and friends, but instead I found her a drama summer school that she'll love which is costing me around £160 by the time I've factored in everything. Both kids are doing something they like, that is the important bit, where the 'value' lies not in the monetary amount.

Violetta_2

-I may be way off here, but is your sister on her own? Your folks might feel they need to give her things whereas you have your oh so they don't feel the need so much. (just an idea)

mildred1978

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Getting gifts of thousands of pounds doesn't make you spoiled? I would think most people would disagree with you.

The fairness or otherwise is another matter entirely and it is entirely your parents' decision as to what they spend on each of you.

My mum got a large PI payout just before my 30th and that's where the bigger presents started (it's also to minimise inheritance tax later on ).

I could happily have gone without any of it, but i did enjoy the holiday and I love the necklace I was bought. I don't expect more, I don't want more. I am just trying to understand it.

The inequity I've experienced my whole life is the reason my son will be remaining an only child.

niknaks

I don't think you are being treated fairly. Perhaps google 'Golden child syndrome'.

mildred1978

Violetta wrote: »

-I may be way off here, but is your sister on her own? Your folks might feel they need to give her things whereas you have your oh so they don't feel the need so much. (just an idea)

Nope. Has a hot shot exec as a partner. Hot and cold running BMWs, 5* holidays every couple of months and every luxury you could imagine in their flat.

Plans_all_plans

The problem you have is that you are viewing their bigger spending on your sister as meaning they 'prefer her to you'. To me, this is indicative of someone who places a lot of emphasis on material goods and in some sense may derive their self-worth from what they have/are given.

There could be a multitude of reasons why they are spending more on her, but it is not a slight on you and you should not take it personally. Put it behind you and enjoy your parents time and company. Don't dwell on it, you'll only start to seethe!

MrsE_2

polejunkie wrote: »

But clearly you do care about the value of the gifts.

The differing value of the gifts is like the differing amount of love.

mildred1978

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

The problem you have is that you are viewing their bigger spending on your sister as meaning they 'prefer her to you'. To me, this is indicative of someone who places a lot of emphasis on material goods and in some sense may derive their self-worth from what they have/are given.

You couldn't be more wrong. I drive a car worth <£1k because there's nothing wrong with it. I could afford to buy a brand new car tomorrow in cash if I wanted to.

Plans_all_plans wrote: »

There could be a multitude of reasons why they are spending more on her,

Such as?