Preferred child (as adults)

victory

True if I wanted to such rudness I would just sit and chat to my MIL:rotfl::rotfl: not a lot of redeeming qualities there.

mildred1978

Torry_Quine wrote: »

No doubt high earners do spend more but also have more scope to economise.

Dangerous assumption there.

Person_one

mildred1978 wrote: »

Dangerous assumption there.

Please go away and examine your privilege, thank you.

mildred1978

Person_one wrote: »

Please go away and examine your privilege, thank you.

Excuse me?! This is my thread! :rotfl:

What privilege exactly?

Torry_Quine

mildred1978 wrote: »

Excuse me?! This is my thread! :rotfl:

What privilege exactly?

Your financial privilege of course

mildred1978

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Your financial privilege of course

I don't earn anymore, and I don't claim anything butchild benefit. Where is myprivilege exactly??

Torry_Quine

mildred1978 wrote: »

. This time last year we were earning around £120k between us. Presumably earning above minimum wage means I'm spoilt? My husband has to be away from home about 75% of the year to earn what he does. Presumably being at home with the baby also makes me spoilt?

mildred1978 wrote: »

I don't earn anymore, and I don't claim anything but child benefit. Where is my privilege exactly??

Presumably the family income is approx £80K as you are no longer working and I would think that is what is classed as financial privilege.

paddy's_mum

Almost nobody likes to hear someone whine "it's not fair .." but in this instance, the OP would have to be a saint not to feel upset, jealous, angry, cheated out of something indefinable.

The monetary value of the gifts has almost nothing to do with the situation, in my view. My sympathies lie entirely with the OP, who has been wounded in the heart by the bias and unfairness of her mother.

All the comments about spoiling or gratitude miss the point. It's hurtful and damaging to be treated by those you love as a person of lesser worth or value, whatever the 'currency' used to confer the favouritism. The secrecy alone takes the mother's actions out of the generous zone and into manipulation.

I think the OP would be a very unusual person indeed not to feel that she is somehow not measuring up, or must have some character flaw that makes her second-rate in her mother's eyes. How many of us have so much unshakeable self-confidence and security that we wouldn't feel hurt at having it made so blindingly clear by the blatant lack of even-handedness that we are second best?

There is a profound lack of justice here and in the same circumstances I believe most people would be feeling pretty sore.

mildred1978

Torry_Quine wrote: »

Presumably the family income is approx £80K as you are no longer working and I would think that is what is classed as financial privilege.

No privilege. Do you think high paying jobs are handed out like sweeties? We both worked bloody hard to earn those jobs, and frankly I couldn't care less about your jealousy. We've made sacrifices in order to be able to do those jobs, I single parent for the majority of the week so that my OH can continue his earnings. I've given up my job to give my son the best start in life.

Don't forget, it's the high earners that pay the most into the coffers.

Presumably you have even greater contempt for Martin Lewis on account of the millions he's earned?

Torry_Quine

mildred1978 wrote: »

No privilege. Do you think high paying jobs are handed out like sweeties? We both worked bloody hard to earn those jobs, and frankly I couldn't care less about your jealousy. We've made sacrifices in order to be able to do those jobs, I single parent for the majority of the week so that my OH can continue his earnings. I've given up my job to give my son the best start in life.

Don't forget, it's the high earners that pay the most into the coffers.

Presumably you have even greater contempt for Martin Lewis on account of the millions he's earned?

Working hard and earning a high wage do not necessarily go together so having a high wage is a privilege which I am absolutely in no way jealous about. Personally I would not give up having my OH at home so yes you have made sacrifices but that was your choice so you can't really complain.

I have no contempt for anyone who has a good living from hard work, honestly I really wouldn't know what to do with such riches. You do though show great contempt for anyone who dares to confront you or your attitudes and I can't help but wonder if that is at the root of the problems with your mother and sister.