Desperately need a break

balletshoes

You don't do all this repetition of housework/laundry etc when you're at uni do you OP? Can you not treat your summer holiday off with your DS as just that, a holiday, a time to relax with the routine and just do as you please?

Another thing that struck me from your posts - just because a room has toys strewn over it, doesn't make it a pigsty - a pigsty is a dirty house, not an untidy one. Do you really avoid visiting friends because they have untidy homes? What happens when your little one makes friends at school with kids from families who's homes aren't as neat as yours is?

marywooyeah

KiKi wrote: »

It doesn't have to be one or the other, though. Dictator doesn't have to mean horrible.

I actually think you have to be very careful about the level of compromise you offer a three year old.
I'm not saying you did that, OP, just that I think it would help you to not see it so black and white ('telling' equals horrid; 'compromise' equals kind). Actually 'telling' is good. They need 'telling'! And sometimes 'compromise' is very cruel, because the child is too young to take on that choice. And if you felt today was a bit out of hand it's because you chose to do what he wanted; you can say no. No is good, too.

All the best.
KiKi

thankyou - I get your point completely. its difficult to strike the right balance and sometimes he does get the better of me! my husband has commented that we are so close that sometimes I treat him as an equal rather than me being the mum.

marywooyeah

balletshoes wrote: »

You don't do all this repetition of housework/laundry etc when you're at uni do you OP?
Another thing that struck me from your posts - just because a room has toys strewn over it, doesn't make it a pigsty - a pigsty is a dirty house, not an untidy one. Do you really avoid visiting friends because they have untidy homes? What happens when your little one makes friends at school with kids from families who's homes aren't as neat as yours is?

I do yes, its very difficult to maintain.

One of my friends in particular I don't visit too much now cos she has 3 kids under 5. theres always bits of food on surfaces, the youngest is usually either in a nappy or a babygrow, the others have still been in their bedtime clothes in the afternoon a couple of times we've been round and she has 4 cats so there is a lot of cat hair and cat smell around. I really like her, we went to college together, but when we leave we can still smell it. I think she's so snowed under she can't cope with all the cleaning and the kids together
as for school - I guess I won't know until the time comes.

Jojo_the_Tightfisted

Put crates/tubs of toys out of reach on shelf.

He empties one on floor. Plays with it. Gets bored. The next one does not come down until the first one is dealt with. Or not at all that day, thus keeping toys fresh and new and more likely to be played with. In fact, if you control what comes out of that tub, that reduces it even more ('you want some cars down? OK, let's get five out - one: red car, two: blue car, three: what colour is this one?....So how many is that? One....two.....three.... How many more to make five cars?')


Rather than be told where to go, use reins or the buggy 'we're going home now. Walk with me and hold hands. No? Alright, come along then (applies tension to reins or whisks child into buggy and straps down, impervious to wails, screams and kicking). Or introduce the vice-like grip *(c. Jojo 1999)

Leave the vacuuming until after teatime. Quick whizz around every night is going to be far more effective than constantly dragging the thing in and out of the cupboard. Maybe get a dustbuster thing and then he could get into the idea of using something exciting to clean up crumbs?


I personally do separate loads - towels and sheets together, sometimes whites in with them if they can be put on hot wash with bleach, darks and reds/purples, yellow/greens, for example, depending on how much of what I have in the basket. I also use colour catchers and they are great. It's shocking how much red dye comes out of old clothes.

Wetting the bed is annoying. But it's what children do - and why DD was encouraged to sleep in her own bed and not mine. Failing that, a waterproof mattress protector would be a good move. Any accident would be removed and a replacement set of everything put in its place.


(*) I can strongly recommend the parental vice-like grip. It requires you to join your thumb and forefinger around said child's wrist. They are completely unable to break free and run off from it, you do them absolutely no damage and cause no pain at all, but you maintain full control without excessive force and it stops them in their tracks. It's the human equivalent of scruffing a cat.


It's probably partly due to getting used to being with him when he is used to a different set of rules at nursery/playschool/minder. I'm pretty certain he wouldn't be vacuumed around or allowed to choose where to go in a childcare setting, so it might even make him a little insecure that there aren't the same rules.


You do sound like you are trying a bit too hard to be perfect though. I'm sure you're doing fine and it is OK to not think of what he wants all the time, as you are the boss, afterall!

gravitytolls

You don't need a break, you need a strategy.

Hoovering 4 times daily!!!!!!

Never eat on the move, i know it's so easy to give a biscuit to keep her cheery till the next meal, enabling you to minimise mess.

Toys, instead of spending your time picking up and hoovering, structure the play. You get some toys out and sit and play with him, then you both put them away and go prepare lunch together. See, more time to spend with him, less time for him to make mess because he's amusing himself while you work yourself ragged.

you tidy up together, then get ready to go out if you so desire.

Always, always, always eat at the table, if the table is on a hard floor, then a quick sweep will take no time at all, if not, maybe place a plastic sheet beneath your son's seat.

Husband's almost always say 'I've been to work.' They simply don't see that SAHM is more hours than a full time job, and as you say, not necessarily stimulating ~ let's face it, housework is dull.

I think the problem here is you're trying to be a perfect wife and mother and you're not, no one is, it can't be done, but it can appear to be done. you're making yourself unhappy by trying to achieve the unattainable.

Until your boy's at school, beyond keeping on top of the washing and washing up, no one expects your home to be in a perpetual state of lovliness, and once he is at school you're only expected to be a Stepford wife when he's at school.

Have a break, it'll give you time to relax. After your hols look for you stuff. Maybe Zumba, the gym an evening course, anything that you fancy, leaving your son with his daddy for an hour or two.

mummyroysof3

I can see where you are coming from OP, i have 3 children aged 6, 4 and 2 and it all gets too much sometimes doesnt it?

i think i do 12 loads of washing a week including bedding and towels and everything gets shoved in together other than whites....unless an item is new then im a little more careful lol, i only iron hubbys work clothes or the odd shirt tshirt when needed, its the putting away i hate

hover only comes out once a day or twice at the very most, all 3 downstairs rooms get a quick run over every day then i use dustpan and brush round table after meals

toys all over drives me mental but they only have free access to a certain amount then rest is in there rooms, i have all messy play stuff on shelfs they cant reach so only comes out when everything else has been put away

i guess its just a case of coming up with ideas to minimise the mess a little...maybe i have to be more strict with 3 or the chaos of housework, kids and studying would just take over

hope you enjoy your few days away...we off to drayton manor today and looking at the amount of stuff ive packed it looks like we going for a week lol

Spendless

marywooyeah wrote: »

I was taught to keep colours seperate and the only time I did use a color catcher some of my son's clothese were damaged so I've haven't used them since, but as people here seem to be reccomending them I will give them a go.
you're probably right about the hair, but I have very little self confidence. I am quite organised, I had to be because of raising my son, working, being at uni and running the house so since I lose my job in february and now am off uni for the summer I think I'm finding it hard to adjust. I'm loving spending more time with him, we're close anyway but this extra time is nice.

I've followed a link from an earlier poster and decided to take him to matlock for a couple of days, so we can go to gullivers kingdom and the heights of abraham. that way we can get away from the house for a bit but not be too far away so its not too much of a journey.

Were you taught by your mum who had 'exact' standards and you are trying to follow? My mum irons everything, and I mean everything, including bra straps and nylon tights (seriously!!). When I left home I followed exactly what she did, then one day I visited my sister who was putting clean tea-towels away without ironing. I tutted at her and said 'mum, doesn't do that' and my sister replied 'I know, doesn't she waste time' and from then on I saw it in a different light. I'm reminded of sister's words nowadays when I see my mum struggling with back problems but still ironing my Dad's socks. In what way did your son's clothes getting ruined?

BTW - I find this phrase when my kids drive me bonkers helps me realise why they are doing what they are doing '<child's name> will you please stop acting like a < child's age> year old.'

Enjoy your time away.

mummyroysof3

lol spendless...i tell my 6 year old he is acting like he 5 and it works much better than telling him off

Steel_2

marywooyeah wrote: »

I have naturally greasy hair so if I don't wash it it's literally stuck to my head and it goes darker - when its washed its a lot lighter and looks much better

My hair is the same as yours

When I'm at home I try and lengthen the time between washing by either wearing a headscarf to cover the scalp or by having a style can that can be slicked back and up neatly out of the way.

However, if I'm going to work I have to wash my hair every morning because it will literally be caked in grease by the evening.

Interestingly, with me there is a link between what I eat and how much grease my scalp produces. When I eat very healthy with little sugar, my hair is much better. I can go for two days between washes, although it doesn't look 100% great on the second day. Maybe 80-90%. when I eat badly, my hair that looks 30-40% of what it could on the second day.

Zoetoes

I think some of you are being a bit harsh! OP has come on here saying she needs a break because she's stressed, none of you ever got to that point? You know, when you really need a break? She doesn't need criticism, she needs support.