Desperately need a break

CH27

Zoetoes wrote: »

I think some of you are being a bit harsh! OP has come on here saying she needs a break because she's stressed, none of you ever got to that point? You know, when you really need a break? She doesn't need criticism, she needs support.

Support is more than (((( )))) & you will be fine type posts.
She is making herself stressed with her unrealistic habits.
People are only trying to help & offer alternate ways of doing things.
Most of us can see she is digging a big hole for herself & are trying to make her aware.

marywooyeah

gravitytolls wrote: »

You don't need a break, you need a strategy.

Hoovering 4 times daily!!!!!!

I think the problem here is you're trying to be a perfect wife and mother and you're not, no one is, it can't be done, but it can appear to be done. you're making yourself unhappy by trying to achieve the unattainable.

Have a break, it'll give you time to relax. After your hols look for you stuff. Maybe Zumba, the gym an evening course, anything that you fancy, leaving your son with his daddy for an hour or two.

thankyou, I don't hoover 4 times every day, yesterday just seemed to be a particularly messy day!
I am striving quite hard I think and it is making me unhappy, its just annoying to see things I've done undone iyswim?
I do go to my uni gym but over summer it shuts at 7 and is closed at weekends, there is a 24 hour gym in the city centre so I think I will look into joining there so I can go at night.

balletshoes

I was hoping you were already on your way away to your 2-day break Mary !

marywooyeah

Spendless wrote: »

Were you taught by your mum who had 'exact' standards and you are trying to follow? . In what way did your son's clothes getting ruined?

BTW - I find this phrase when my kids drive me bonkers helps me realise why they are doing what they are doing '<child's name> will you please stop acting like a < child's age> year old.'

Enjoy your time away.

My mum left when I was 4 and we had au pairs a lot who cleaned, but my step mum showed me how to iron and she used to iron everything too - I too think it's a waste of time to do everything so only do my husband's work shirts and anything that is really creased. I guess I am following my step mum with the washing though, she is turkish so I think she was brought up quite strictly too so passed it onto me.
the clothes got ruined because something white ended up streaked with pink, there was loads of red on the colour catcher but it still went onto his clothes.

I will try "Dylan - you are acting like a 2 year old!" and see how that goes down, thankyou

marywooyeah

CH27 and Zoetoes - thankyou both for your input I can see both sides, but on MSE there will always be a mixture of huggy posts and harsh posts so I am grateful for all responses whichever category they fall into.

balletshoes - we are going tommorow morning to matlock bath, staying the night and coming back the friday evening

amibovvered

Didn't I read somewhere that you only got married 2 weeks ago - did you not have a honeymoon? If so, why do you need another break so soon? If not, then no wonder you need a break after all the stress of planning a wedding!

delain

Marywooyeah I know exactly how you feel.

Luckily for me I'm not a clean freak, the mess drives OH mad though.

Enjoy your time out, you deserve it! :wave:

January20

marywooyeah wrote: »

I do yes, its very difficult to maintain.

One of my friends in particular I don't visit too much now cos she has 3 kids under 5. theres always bits of food on surfaces, the youngest is usually either in a nappy or a babygrow, the others have still been in their bedtime clothes in the afternoon a couple of times we've been round and she has 4 cats so there is a lot of cat hair and cat smell around. I really like her, we went to college together, but when we leave we can still smell it. I think she's so snowed under she can't cope with all the cleaning and the kids together
as for school - I guess I won't know until the time comes.

I bet her kids don't get ill very often though....
And I bet they are happy kids too...
It's 11:45 now and I'm still in my pyjamas and I'm an adult, but I'm on holidays so why should I stress about things like that?
You sound very judgemental of your friend, but I bet hers is a happy household! She doesn't have to cope with everything. she just has to choose what she can do and what she can't. My dd is 18 and I can tell that those 18 years went in a blink of an eye. I'd better make the most of having her here this summer because in September she goes to university. In September housework will still be here!

JodyBPM

I'm a bit of a clean freak, and can identify with OP. She doesn't have OCD or anything like that, she just wants to keep her house nice, and in order. When you spend a lot of time at home I think it important that the environment you are in is nice, tidy and clean. I feel quite miserable when the house is too untidy.

I also get really upset by people banging on about the assumption that if you have a tidy house, you somehow neglect your children. I have found quite the opposite is normally the case, those who are constantly on the go, bustling around the house and keeping things in order are usually those who also constantly interact with their children, bake with them, garden with them, go blackberry picking, and generally spend time with them. Those that cannot be bothered to keep their houses tidy often can't be bothered to spend time with their children either, and spend most of their day plonked in front of the tv/pc. I think a lot of people use the excuse of children to live like slobs. After all, how hard is it to tidy up after an activity? Surely it is second nature to do that, and exactly what we should be teaching our children? (I'm not talking about not doing the washing/hoovering for one day to go out for an impromtu day at the beach etc which is perfectly reasonable, I'm talking about people who live in houses that clearly don't get tidied or hoovered for weeks on end).

I think that the OP could def spend less time sorting the washing (I do darks & lights, plus a jumper wash) but with a family of 4 I wash *at least* 10 loads a week. (1 our bedding, 1 dd's bedding, probably 2 or 3 DS bedding as he's not terribly reliable at night, 1 towels wash and 2 or 3 darks, and 2 or 3 lights. Also I have laminate floors and tiles downstairs, and I find using a long handled dustpan and brush in between daily hoovering is much quicker than 3 or 4 times getting the hoover out in a day (this may not work so well on carpets).

I work 2 days a week, but the other 3 weekdays I see keeping the house and doing activities with the children as a job, and I put as much (if not more) effort into it than I put into my job outside the home. They are not days off, they are days I do a different kind of work.

Honestly, I don't see the OP as "making a rod for her own back" or "digging herself a hole", I see her as someone who is putting a lot of effort into bringing up her son and keeping her home nice, and doing a damn good job of it.

balletshoes

Thats all perfectly fine JodyBPM, but the OP doesn't seem that happy to be doing all this repetitive housework ie she doesn't like a messy home, but she gets irritated when she does get the hoover out 4 times a day/clears up toys umpteen times a day and all her work is undone. She is the only one who can solve this, and if she's getting stressed out about it she's the one who will have to find a way to cope with it all .