Desperately need a break

marywooyeah

bestpud wrote: »

I don't mean to be rude, but do you have a mental health issue? OCD or the like? I ask as your attitude to housework is completely over the top!

Why is it a problem if you spend half an hour going to the shop for eggs? If you are out of the house and your son is happy, why make an issue of it?

You're right, that is incredibly rude.
It was an issue because the shop was less than a minute from our house, but he didn't want to go home he wanted to walk up the next street, which I went along with but it took half an hour from when we left to when we got back, and I'd left the oven on to preheat for his baking so wanted to get back. The point I was trying to show was that a lot of my day is dictated by what he wants to do which is a problem if we are on a deadline or have to be somewhere.

bestpud wrote: »

I also wonder what housework you think your OH should be doing when you aren't there? You'd have been cleaning all day, so what on earth would there be for him to do?? Maybe he prefers to spend quality time with his child, like most parents would?

Your son won't remember how clean the house was - he will remember the time he spent with you. In his case, those memories will be of a mum who just chased him round moaning about housework, argued with daddy over housework and rushed back from a walk to the shop to do more housework.

Is that what you want for him?

I don't recall saying my OH should do housework, but another poster asked if he did anything and I laughed because he doesnt.
I don't "run round after him moaning" - read up a few posts and you can see that I spend a lot of time playing with him, its just that he gets bored of one thing easily and moves onto the next rapidly, so I'm getting tired of tidying the same toys away. What I want for my son is to be happy, thats why I spend a long time playing with him. we had to get back for the baking, not to do housework, but inevitably the baking caused mess which needed clearing up.
I have a very happy and fulfilled boy, it's just very tiring and monotonous to be constantly tidying up. I have friends whose houses I don't like to visit cos they are like pigstyes with their kids run riot - I'm trying to instill a happy medium in him - eg of course you can play with this, but tidy up afterwards.

January20

marywooyeah wrote: »

You're right, that is incredibly rude.
It was an issue because the shop was less than a minute from our house, but he didn't want to go home he wanted to walk up the next street, which I went along with but it took half an hour from when we left to when we got back, and I'd left the oven on to preheat for his baking so wanted to get back. The point I was trying to show was that a lot of my day is dictated by what he wants to do which is a problem if we are on a deadline or have to be somewhere.

I don't understand. He is only 3, isn't he? You are his mother aren't you? So why are you doing what HE wants and not the only way round? You are making a rod for your own back, because if at this tender age you can't get him to do what you want/ need to do, what will it be like when he becomes a teenager?

FWIW, I don't think the OP you quoted was being rude. I think a lot of posters on this thread - me included - as in disbelief at what you are writing, and that's what they were trying to convey to you. It seems you took it too literally.

marywooyeah

[QUOTE=smartpicture;45772916 I've never heard of anyone washing blacks and purples separately from reds, oranges, blues and greens, does anyone else do this??

I have greasy hair and do use the dry shampoo sometimes, it's not the same as a proper wash but it does remove all trace of grease and from the outside looks fine, even if you're aware of the difference.

If you've always been an organised, deadline-driven driven person then it may take you a while to adjust to a different way of thinking, but it has it's own rewards.[/QUOTE]

I was taught to keep colours seperate and the only time I did use a color catcher some of my son's clothese were damaged so I've haven't used them since, but as people here seem to be reccomending them I will give them a go.
you're probably right about the hair, but I have very little self confidence. I am quite organised, I had to be because of raising my son, working, being at uni and running the house so since I lose my job in february and now am off uni for the summer I think I'm finding it hard to adjust. I'm loving spending more time with him, we're close anyway but this extra time is nice.

I've followed a link from an earlier poster and decided to take him to matlock for a couple of days, so we can go to gullivers kingdom and the heights of abraham. that way we can get away from the house for a bit but not be too far away so its not too much of a journey.

marywooyeah

January20 wrote: »

I don't understand. He is only 3, isn't he? You are his mother aren't you? So why are you doing what HE wants and not the only way round? You are making a rod for your own back, because if at this tender age you can't get him to do what you want/ need to do, what will it be like when he becomes a teenager?

FWIW, I don't think the OP you quoted was being rude. I think a lot of posters on this thread - me included - as in disbelief at what you are writing, and that's what they were trying to convey to you. It seems you took it too literally.

thats what I was saying - I said that I felt my day was being revolved around what he wants to do which is part of what I am finding hard to deal with. I try to compromise with him - like today, ok we can go for a little walk, I can see why you want to be outside. then after a while it was ok we need to get back now to bake, lets go home and you can go out in the garden when the cakes are in the oven. I don't want to be a horrible dictator kind of mother, I see why he wants to do certain things and try to work that into what we're doing, but today I felt it had been a bit out of hand that a few minutes to the shop ended up taking half an hour.

I thought he was rude for asking if I had a mental health problem -I'm trying to do my best for my family here, but I know how it is on here so take things with a pinch of salt.

Darlyd

Hey OP

Your so not alone, BUT I have OCD severely, There are 4 of us here, plus 2 dogs, And I am constantly cleaning/washing/drying/putting clothes away/tidying/mopping. It is never ending, And I work 3.30-10pm every day and alternative weekends all day.

I moan, I shout, I ask for help from OH, He does help me, But not to my standards.

DD2 only plays with her little bitty toys in the bedroom, play doh and painting is done on the table (with news paper underneath) But in this weather she has been outside in the garden. But then there is all sand on the floor and over the garden table and then trampled into the living room arghh !! lol

So I totally understand where your coming from.

As for the washing, I wash every day sometimes every 2 days, and I always use color catcher's, I find these to be brilliant. Please try them again, I use the ones with the bacterial properties in. I can't remember the last time I did a boil/white wash.

As for getting out of the house, I hear ya there, I am lucky to have a job (but that even gets to much for me). Perhaps have a quick look on google and find a caravan park near you, see if there are any late deals, Last year we rented a caravan from an individual for 1/4 the price of what haven were charging.

Conkers is not that far, are there any buses that run there? There is a caravan park right next to it, perhaps they have some rentals there? Or like others have said, find a B&B somewhere and just go.

Have you any family/friends that live not to far, but a train ride away you could go and visit?

Hope you find some chill-axing time soon.

And find a hobby or something for YOU to do, when DH is home, kid in bed, and you can go out somewhere. (I am looking into this for when I start work in the day).

January20

marywooyeah wrote: »

thats what I was saying - I said that I felt my day was being revolved around what he wants to do which is part of what I am finding hard to deal with. I try to compromise with him - like today, ok we can go for a little walk, I can see why you want to be outside. then after a while it was ok we need to get back now to bake, lets go home and you can go out in the garden when the cakes are in the oven. I don't want to be a horrible dictator kind of mother, I see why he wants to do certain things and try to work that into what we're doing, but today I felt it had been a bit out of hand that a few minutes to the shop ended up taking half an hour.

I thought he was rude for asking if I had a mental health problem -I'm trying to do my best for my family here, but I know how it is on here so take things with a pinch of salt.

I must have been a dictator mother then LOL because I never really compromised with my dd, not when she was 3 anyway. I always had her best interest at heart, but what I said went.

We obviously didn't read bestpud's post the same way. On re-reading it I can understand how you could be offended. I just took it totally differently, possibly because it wasn't addressed to me.

I'm sure you are trying to do your best for your family. A modern woman's lot is not an easy one, having to be mother, wife, housekeeper and often wage earner too.

elisebutt65

OMG - I am totally gobsmacked at all this work you do!!!! I must be queen s-l-ut RAFLMAO

I do everything once a week - always have and always will (unless there's a major spill!) Washing - 2 loads on a Friday (1 coloured and 1 lights), I save whites up and do them twice a month as we don't have much white here; and then ironed on Sunday - Kids do the vacuuming for me (£1 bribe a room) When they were little, they HAD to sit at the table and eat, now they're older (11/16) they are allowed to eat (snacks) in the living room on the understanding they get the floor sweeper out if they spill crumbs.

It's not being dictatorial if you don't want to walk up a street with a 3 yr old - You just say 'NO'???? You're the mum here and in charge and it won't traumatise him! I'd be more worried about the waste of gas/leccy, whilst the oven was heating up

My living room is finally toy free for the first time in about 15 years - Yeay!!! I just kearned to ignore it but last week I went round with a couple of bags and cleared everytthing off shelves, book cases and little corners and put everything up in their rooms - I really don't care anymore about the mess in there as long as there's a clear exit in case of fire - Life's too short to nag them to clean their rooms and they never, ever take food up. They know that I don't recover washing, so if they need it clean then it has to be in the washbin by Friday. Same with clean stuff - I put it on the bookcase on the landing and they have to put it away.

They are pretty good at keeping the downstairs clean, probably because I always got them to pick up after themselves, so it's just a matter of training. I am probably the worst culprit now - my dining table and desk are just covered in 'filing'

Really, just chill - you don't want him to remember a stressed, nagging mummy, but a chilled, playful, fun mum (IYKWIM)

marywooyeah

darlyd wrote: »

I moan, I shout, I ask for help from OH, He does help me, But not to my standards.

Have you any family/friends that live not to far, but a train ride away you could go and visit?

Hope you find some chill-axing time soon.

And find a hobby or something for YOU to do, when DH is home, kid in bed, and you can go out somewhere. (I am looking into this for when I start work in the day).

thankyou when me and OH argue about it (we only ever argue about housework and money lol) and I say you never do anything and he says when I do you say its wrong! ONE time last year he put the washing away and I mean he put it away. no folding! the drawers wouldnt even open cos all the drawers were wedged shut I had to prise them open!
I'm not really in touch with my family due to things that happened in childhood - they recently got together for my wedding and it went well so perhaps that will lead to something.

I do have a hobby - its called MSE! lol I know what you mean, I sometimes go for walks when everyone is in bed so that I can get some air and exercise. it sounds very stressful for you - what kind of thing are you looking to have as your hobby? x

KiKi

marywooyeah wrote: »

I try to compromise with him - like today, ok we can go for a little walk, I can see why you want to be outside. then after a while it was ok we need to get back now to bake, lets go home and you can go out in the garden when the cakes are in the oven. I don't want to be a horrible dictator kind of mother,

It doesn't have to be one or the other, though. Dictator doesn't have to mean horrible.

I actually think you have to be very careful about the level of compromise you offer a three year old. I think young children thrive with boundaries, and in some cases trying to compromise or negotiate means that too much is being put upon them to think or make a decision about something that really the parent should be making. The parent thinks they're being kind by offering a compromise or doing something the child wants, but actually it's a situation where the child needs to be told.

I'm not saying you did that, OP, just that I think it would help you to not see it so black and white ('telling' equals horrid; 'compromise' equals kind). Actually 'telling' is good. They need 'telling'! And sometimes 'compromise' is very cruel, because the child is too young to take on that choice. And if you felt today was a bit out of hand it's because you chose to do what he wanted; you can say no. No is good, too.

All the best.
KiKi

marywooyeah

elisebutt65 wrote: »

OMG -
When they were little, they HAD to sit at the table and eat, now they're older (11/16) they are allowed to eat (snacks) in the living room on the understanding they get the floor sweeper out if they spill crumbs.

It's not being dictatorial if you don't want to walk up a street with a 3 yr old - You just say 'NO'???? You're the mum here and in charge and it won't traumatise him! I'd be more worried about the waste of gas/leccy, whilst the oven was heating up

They are pretty good at keeping the downstairs clean, probably because I always got them to pick up after themselves, so it's just a matter of training. I am probably the worst culprit now - my dining table and desk are just covered in 'filing'

Really, just chill - you don't want him to remember a stressed, nagging mummy, but a chilled, playful, fun mum (IYKWIM)

see I think thats good - you've instilled good value in your children to be responsible for themselves, I am hoping that he will grow up to be the same. I was worried about the waste of elec lol which is why i compromised and said ok we'll go for a bit then it was yeah we really need to get home now!
I don't want to be stressed cos I know he will pick up on it, during the academic year the pressure becomes so bad.
I was looking forward to summertime with him - we have been on a few days out and do activities together and we both enjoyed them, its just recently that I've struggled with the housework and feel that I needed to get away for a bit so that we can have that fun time again.
fwiw it sounds like you've done a great job with your brood