Desperately need a break

bestpud

marywooyeah wrote: »

You're right, that is incredibly rude.

darlyd wrote: »

Hey OP

Your so not alone, BUT I have OCD severely,

So I totally understand where your coming from.

That is why I asked! darlyd is like you with housework, but has a health problem!

Sorry if I offended you but my question was actually genuine and the fact you and darlyd agree seems to suggest I wasn't wrong to suspect there is an underlying issue for you. Do you see where I am coming from?

Most people are not that obsessed! The 'problem' lies solely with you, but I'd see that as a good thing, as we can change our own behaviour far easier than we can change anyone elses!

Hope you enjoy your break.

JodyBPM

bestpud wrote: »

I find the opposite to be true tbh, but I guess we can all find 'evidence' to support our point of view.

There is nothing wrong with a squeaky clean home, but when the need to be clean starts to take over your life and causes anxiety and rows with your OH, then it is time to have a rethink.

I also feel people are perhaps a little too obsessed with cleaning when they start judging others who choose to live differently.

I don't mean real slobs, who live in squalor and wear the same clothes several days running etc - I would say they have as big an issue but at the other end of the scale. Most of us sit in between somewhere and would argue that is the healthiest position.

I agree that some form of middle ground is always going to be the healthiest position. I would imagine a parent with full on, unchecked OCD would most likely have a negative impact on the children unless the parent made a lot of effort to ensure it didn't.

But tidying up after yourself, making the beds, doing the washing and sweeping the floor are hardly detrimental to children. And that's pretty much all that is needed to keep a nice and tidy house. Our house is always clean and tidy, and the washing is always done, beds changed etc. It takes me 1 hour per day for the main clean, plus tidying up time after each activity, and about 30mins-1 hour putting washing away and doing a sweep through after the children have gone to bed. My children are at school now, so the only bit they actually see is the tidying up at the end of each activity, but even preschool age I hardly think that finding an hour to do the cleaning was massively detrimental to them (initially done during nap time,but once that had been dropped done whilst they were doing a quiet activity together eg lego or playing with dollies etc, but usually in 2 x 30 mins blasts) and they always loved "helping" hang the washing on the the line, and "helping" wih the hoovering.

I do think that people who live in pigsties and use "the children" as an excuse are lazy tbh. Even if you spent every one of the childrens waking minutes with them, its only a couple of hours a day to keep a house tidy and could easily be done after they go to bed. And if your children don't know how to tidy up after an activity, its because you haven't taught them. If you whip round every day, and tidy up after each activity, the house never really gets messy.

Having said that,I don't have any issues going round other peoples' untidy houses, even if I do a big sigh of relief when I get back to the order of my own place. However I do find it unreasonable for people to blame their own laziness on "the children" whose fault it certainly isn't.

aliasojo

smartpicture wrote: »

I really don't understand this - I do lights, darks and whites, and if there isn't enough of one type, I cram them together and add a colour catcher, which works brilliantly. But even if you don't trust the colour catcher, I've never heard of anyone washing blacks and purples separately from reds, oranges, blues and greens, does anyone else do this??

*raises hand*

I've always found clothes get duller quicker if washed with other colours. I always stick to the same colour groups similar to the OP (only I keep blacks and navy together, purple goes with pink if it's not too dark).

In my defence, I was asked once how my kids clothes always stayed so bright and new looking. I'm positive it's because of they way I wash them.

I'm not anal.

delain

aliasojo wrote: »

*raises hand*

I've always found clothes get duller quicker if washed with other colours. I always stick to the same colour groups similar to the OP (only I keep blacks and navy together, purple goes with pink if it's not too dark).

In my defence, I was asked once how my kids clothes always stayed so bright and new looking. I'm positive it's because of they way I wash them.

I'm not anal.

I do this too :wave: and I'm one of the lazy people apparently:rotfl:

Also that new ariel stain remover gel is amazing. I put some in my wash with the other whites in the vague hope it night get tomato soup off a white t shirt, and it all came out bright white, looked new :eek:

balletshoes

delain wrote: »

I do this too :wave: and I'm one of the lazy people apparently:rotfl:

Also that new ariel stain remover gel is amazing. I put some in my wash with the other whites in the vague hope it night get tomato soup off a white t shirt, and it all came out bright white, looked new :eek:

oh I might need to get some of that, I've lost count of the white shirts/t-shirts of DD's I've thrown out due to tomato sauce/tikka sauce/spaghetti sauce blobs on them.

Firevixen

OP - i know exactly how you feel. I have a 4 yr old and a 1.5 yr old. It drives me crazy, never feel like you get anywhere do you? and to top it off, my partner of 10yrs walked out on us 4 days ago.

I would love to have a break but can't. Take the opportunity while you can, sounds like you deserve it

delain

balletshoes wrote: »

oh I might need to get some of that, I've lost count of the white shirts/t-shirts of DD's I've thrown out due to tomato sauce/tikka sauce/spaghetti sauce blobs on them.

ASDA quite often has it half price

YORKSHIRELASS

OK, you may have already gone somewhere nice and are currently sitting with you feet up but I wonder if having a couple of days away is going to really make a difference? Sounds to me like you are struggling to cope with things and there are issues between you and OH that need sorting.

Looking after a 3 year old can be hard work but you need to take some time to work out whats really making you unhappy and try and make some changes. Sometimes we get so sucked into the daily madness of running around looking after the kids, doing the housework, working etc that you forget to look at the bigger picture. Is your life what you really want it to be?

Good luck, hope you feel better.

Bitsy_Beans

Are you lonely mary?
I am at home with kids all day and don't see many adults (MSE is my lifeline in some respects).
Whilst you probably need a break I hate to say it but the same old issues are probably going to rear their head the minute you get back. You need to change your responses to what's happening at hime otherwise you are going to go mad. I know what it's like to live AND work at home 24/7 with small kids and their associated paraphanaelia (sp?) and the state of the house does affect me mentally. How can it not, it's where I live and work. What I have learned over the last couple of years is to try and let go of that perfectionism. It is your perfectionism that's pushing you to be and do all these things and it's just not humanely possible, not unless you're willing to sacrifice your sanity.

Check out the flylady thread on the OS board. Housework will always be there BUT the key is doing little and often. Break it down so that you've got time to do stuff with LO and time for maybe a sit down with a cuppa for you and read a book or surf on the net.

the biggest change though will be you and how you percieve things. I do spend a great deal of time tiding up, sometimes I feel like I am a hamster on that little wheel going round and round and like you feel like running away from it all. But lets be realistic, you can't run away forever so something has to change. that something will be you. Part of me tries to accept that this is how it is when they are small and given that my youngest is also 3 they are not this small for long. changing your expectations of how life at home should be and what it is. Making a bit of time for yourself is also important. My hobby is sewing and crafting and an adult tap class. OK the first two have to be scheduled around the kids etc but the latter is always on a set evening. But you need to find what works for YOU and if being "mum" a bit more rather than letting LO dictate the way will only help in the long run.

Someone suggested rotating toys, this is an excellent idea and can stimulate more interest in toys rather than having everything on hand all the time.

Enjoy your time in Matlock

LEJC

I didnt want to read and run...so I read and went away and thought about it...I've not really read everyone elses comments but I have skimmed through to get the general concensus....

Mary you have a lot going on at the moment and I think the issue is deeper than you needing to get away for a short break with your son...I hope you have gone and I hope that you come back refreshed and ready to give everything another go....

I know from the other boards that you have recently married and you were "hurt" by your appearance in the photos...I also read that you wanted to consider gastric surgery as you felt a size 16 was what not you wanted to be...Mary you looked beautiful in your photos and in all honesty I think a lot of your feeling down stems from your lack of self esteem and self worth....It may also be that you are trying to be something that you arnt...no one is perfect and to be honest if a load of washing doesn't get done one day because you spent the time with your child then so be it!....I'm a mum too and have been through that feeling of everything being done for the benefit of others and no time for yourself and the feeling that the house I lived in was a virtual prison....
If your little boy scatters his toys around then clear them up at set times in the day...I used to do it in the evening because otherwise you will be constantly tidying them up and out they will come again...if your little boy takes you on a longer route to the shop...so be it...look on it that hes happy to walk and at least you are both out of the house....if you set yourself goals and you dont achieve them then you will feel that you failed...so dont set any goals...then you wont feel bogged down at the end of the day when you haven't done everything you should have...
Your son is still very young and hes as that stage where he has an inquisitive mind so spend your days with him...the washing can wait...and your husband is probably more than capable of ironing a shirt once in a while...your son will grow up and he wont remember whether the house was tidy or not...but he will remember if his mum was constantly unhappy...

You do need to talk to your husband and tell him how you feel...your marriage is a partnership and you need to communicate your feelings to him...he wont necessarly think that housework needs doing he may need to be asked..
I suspect that you want to be the best mum wife whatever..but please understand that we cant all be "perfect model!"...no doubt you look at others and compare yourself to them...and feel they have a better deal...but you know what there will be others thats think you have it better than them...
Do you have other mums with children that you could socialise with?
maybe take your son out with some other children his age and share with the other mums...the park is a great place in the summer...take a packed lunch and spend a couple of hours away from the house...and the added bonus is whilst hes running off steam there your house isnt getting any untidier...
Soft play centres were a godsend for me at times...I could let my son play safely and sit in the overlooking cafe and have a bit of me time too..

Please dont be so hard on yourself to achieve everything...this should be a special time where you spend quality time with your son and new husband not a time you should be fretting about everything.
Once you've been away with your son could you perhaps arrange a few days where you go out as a family and enjoy spending some time together as the newly weds and family unit you are
Best of luck mary...I really hope you feel more positive soon....