Desperately need a break

LEJC

marywooyeah wrote: »

I've tried hard not to be judgemental of her but over time I couldnt help but notice her kids were just sat in front of the tv between meals while she cleared up and cooked on an endless cycle, the kids are dirty and I don't want to say "neglected" but she doesnt spend much time with them individually and I feel a bit sorry for them tbh, it's quite an unhappy household as her and her husband can't stand each other

Her kids are sat infront of the tv...your child plays in a clean house with clean clothes...yet you are desperate for a break ....thats an unhappy situation too that unless its addressed you may find that you and your husband eventually equally cant stand eachother

Make the changes to make you happy...and things will fall into place...enjoy your family...and being part of it...

marywooyeah

LEJC wrote: »

I know from the other boards that you have recently married and you were "hurt" by your appearance in the photos...I also read that you wanted to consider gastric surgery as you felt a size 16 was what not you wanted to be.....but he will remember if his mum was constantly unhappy...

You do need to talk to your husband and tell him how you feel...your marriage is a partnership and you need to communicate your feelings to him...he wont necessarly think that housework needs doing he may need to be asked..
Once you've been away with your son could you perhaps arrange a few days where you go out as a family and enjoy spending some time together as the newly weds and family unit you are
Best of luck mary...I really hope you feel more positive soon....

thankyou, yes it probably is linked to my self confidence. I gave up asking him to help because he just says it doesnt matter/its not important etc but he is aware of how unhappy it makes me.

euronorris wrote: »

Fair enough, but this, as well as hoovering and tidying so often (because the OP said she can't stand to see the mess) seems to be making her unhappy.

I think there have been some great suggestions
IThe hair is also a confidence issue for the OP though, and I also saw it's very long, so perhaps a cut would help? Nothing too drastic, just enough length removed to make it more manageable.

The worst thing about long hair, I find, is all the bl00dy hairs get everywhere! Now THAT drives me up the wall (and my OH! lol).

yes there are some good suggestions, particularly the toy rotation I'm very grateful for everyone's input and will put some of them into action.
cut my hair!!!! it's the only thing I have going for me!!!! I do have the same problem with hair everywhere like you do lol x

euronorris

Your hair is NOT the only thing you have going for you! You need to learn to love yourself sweetie. Incidentally, do you go out/do anything that is just for you and makes you happy?

Also, a shorter hairstyle can be gorgeous. But it's whatever makes you happy that is important here.

LEJC

yes it probably is linked to my self confidence. I gave up asking him to help because he just says it doesnt matter/its not important etc but he is aware of how unhappy it makes me.



You must talk to him...men are different to women and what we see as a problem they dont necessarly understand..but if he is aware of your feelings then he really should be more supportive of you....
Take it slowly but dont lose sight of the goal you want to achieve...it may be that you are setting the bar a little too high and you need to chill more...it may also be that your husband whilst he doesnt see the need to do things,needs to do them in order to maintain a happy status quo!
Youve also gone theough a very exciting and stressful time with the wedding and its only natural that you feel slightly deflated now all the glare and pressure and excitement is over...youve still got the honeymoon to look forward to so hopefully everything will become clearer once youve both recharged yourselves...

Zoetoes

CH27 wrote: »

Support is more than (((( )))) & you will be fine type posts.
She is making herself stressed with her unrealistic habits.
People are only trying to help & offer alternate ways of doing things.
Most of us can see she is digging a big hole for herself & are trying to make her aware.

I agree with some of what you are saying but some posters can be more critical than helpful. I'm getting more the vibes that the lack of support from OH is getting OP down.

dawn_rose

massive hugs to the op i can more than empathise im a mum of three aged 5,4 and 1. Im lucky in some respects coz my older 2 play together and unfortunatley fight too. The baby like to empty everything at the moment and is pulling round everywhere and keeps escaping lol. Deep breaths hun its all just a passing phase is the only though that gets me thru it sometimes.
My routine tends to be
clean thru once a week,
load of washing every day,(done first thing bunged on line and left till teatime)
all meals, drinks, snacks at kitchen table (floor brushed once a day)
wash up when i get a bowl full
get my shopping delivered.
at the end of the day the toys all get put away in the toybox, (floor hoovered)
3 kids get bathed and go to bed.
The house is just then kept on top of and i clean as i go really.
this leaves time for painting, playdough, stories, dvds, imaginative play, visits, park, playing in garden.

I find the best for me to do when things get me to boiling point is to got out for a walk and get some fresh air with the kids they burn off energy and we all get a breather in the sunshine. Hope you find some peace soon.

Mrs.W_2

Marywooyeah, I hope you've found a place to physically and, more importantly, mentally rest for a day or two.

Your opening post was all too familiar. Please try to take on board all the advise about dialing back your self-expectations! And try to ask your closest relations for help, and fully explain why, before their lack of assistance riles you.

The number of times I became mad at my husband, me thinking he ought to know what was needed of him eight years after the birth of his first child, to be given a plaintive/whiny, "Well, what do you want me to do?"

If that happens to you, don't cut your nose off to spite his face! Give him something to do! Explain it in fine detail if needs be!

Over all, you just need to find the balance between being Mary and being Mummy. It is possible, and you will find your own way.

marywooyeah

Mrs.W wrote: »

Marywooyeah, I hope you've found a place to physically and, more importantly, mentally rest for a day or two.

Your opening post was all too familiar. Please try to take on board all the advise about dialing back your self-expectations! And try to ask your closest relations for help, and fully explain why, before their lack of assistance riles you.

thanks, we are going in the morning.
I don't have any family around me and due to my upbringing I don't have any bonds with any of them, my husband's family live in derby but they don't like me so I don't tend to speak to them. I've kind of got used to doing everything myself and thats why it gets on top of me. but I am looking forward to the break!

andrealm

But you shouldn't have to do everything yourself, what does your husband do when he's at home?

aliasojo

marywooyeah wrote: »

thanks, we are going in the morning.
I don't have any family around me and due to my upbringing I don't have any bonds with any of them, my husband's family live in derby but they don't like me so I don't tend to speak to them. I've kind of got used to doing everything myself and thats why it gets on top of me. but I am looking forward to the break!

They say a change of scene is as good as a rest. Enjoy your break.

Maybe when you get back you could sit down with a cuppa and a notebook and try to 'streamline' your day a bit? Have an 'important' section where you jot down things that you feel you really need to do and a 'not so important' section where you put things that could be done every couple of days or so.

Then you need to look at the important section and see if there is anything specific you could maybe ask your OH to do? (Men need a specific task, they don't deal well with simply 'can you help'.

It's nice to have a clean and tidy home (so I'm told, mine never is, lol) but it's not worth affecting your health over. We're only here a short while, don't waste your life fretting over house stuff.