Confused and upset.

anna_grant

Glad to hear back from you BigMomma but sad to hear that your H is still an a******e.

You are not a 'mental person who needs help'. You know what you saw and heard.

I can't believe that he won't tell you where he was yesterday - you have a child together for goodness sake - is all the childcare down to you?

Personally, I would 'back off' out of the door - especially as you have the greater earning power. However, it is easy for me to say that as I am here and you are there in the midst of it.

I sincerely hope that you sort this out for the best. ((hugs))

Bitsy_Beans

Sorry Bigmomma things aren't going so well.
Does he normally b*gger off all day without telling you where he is? Is he normally cagey about where or with whom he's been?
Personally I think as a father he doesn't get the right to sod off all day and not tell you where he's gone.

I am not one to suggest you chuck in the towel at the first hurdle but I don't see how you can find a way forward if your H can't accept there are unresolved issues in your relationship. Reading between the lines his defensive behaviour and trying to turn it around on you does smack of being somewhat guilty however guilty of what I wouldn't like to speculate. My advice would be to leave him to stew, if speaking terms resume then counselling would be a good suggestion. Don't be fobbed off, even if you are paranoid his behaviour is only adding to the situation and if he's prepared to work at your marriage surely he should help you rather than use it with a stick to beat you with.

bigmomma051204

CH27 wrote: »

Do you really want to live with someone who treats you so badly?

No, i would like to be treated better but i have put on a small amount of weight (couple of pounds) since our wedding last year and feel like it maybe my fault really as i havent looked after myself as well as i could... i have been under ALOT of work pressure and my blood pressure has sky rocketed... which has made me stupidly comfort eat. I am not exactly huge but my husband has commented lots on the fact i have put on a weight and i kind of feel responsible maybe..

anna_grant

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

No, i would like to be treated better but i have put on a small amount of weight (couple of pounds) since our wedding last year and feel like it maybe my fault really as i havent looked after myself as well as i could... i have been under ALOT of work pressure and my blood pressure has sky rocketed... which has made me stupidly comfort eat. I am not exactly huge but my husband has commented lots on the fact i have put on a weight and i kind of feel responsible maybe..

No no no! A couple of pounds weight gain does not excuse your H from acting like an a******e. Why do some men feel they have the right to comment on this? This is his own inadequacies showing through - put you down, so you won't think of moving on.

CH27

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

No, i would like to be treated better but i have put on a small amount of weight (couple of pounds) since our wedding last year and feel like it maybe my fault really as i havent looked after myself as well as i could... i have been under ALOT of work pressure and my blood pressure has sky rocketed... which has made me stupidly comfort eat. I am not exactly huge but my husband has commented lots on the fact i have put on a weight and i kind of feel responsible maybe..

You deserve to be treated better as does your child.

Only you know how emotionally or physically abusive your husband can be & only you can make the decision to walk away.

Is it in your child's best interest to live with a father who belittles their mum & vanishes for hours?

claire16c

Just read this whole post and I can not believe the outcome.

I can't believe that someone who is your HUSBAND, not a fling or even a boyfriend, went out all day and wont tell you where he was or what he was doing (if this was my husband I would have thought he was in a hospital or something because that would be the only reason for not knowing where he was), and then has the audacity to try to turn the tables around on you ? And at the same time lie about what he was doing - when you saw it with your own eyes. He was only getting angry because he clearly didnt want to tell you the truth about where he was - and why??

Please just think about whether or not being with this man is making you happy or unhappy and whether you would really be better off without him.

There is no point being in a relationship if it is making you miserable. I cant believe his behaviour.

Also, men who put women down, whether its calling you mental, or making you think its your fault, due to whatever reason (and please dont put something as crazy as this down to something like your weight!), when it is THEM who is causing the problem, are only doing it due to their own insecurities and it can only get worse.

do you really want to spend anymore time living like this??

claire16c

Also..being scared of your husband in any shape of form is very worrying, you should be able to find out where he was.

If mine disappeared all day, I would not be 'backing off' until I had found out exactly where he had been, and would not be scared to have a massive row to get it out of him. The fact that he is using Im guessing, his size or at least ability to scare you, to stop you questioning him, is frightening. This is NOT normal.

Do you have any friends or family nearby you can talk to or stay with if needs be?

halight

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

No, i would like to be treated better but i have put on a small amount of weight (couple of pounds) since our wedding last year and feel like it maybe my fault really as i havent looked after myself as well as i could... i have been under ALOT of work pressure and my blood pressure has sky rocketed... which has made me stupidly comfort eat. I am not exactly huge but my husband has commented lots on the fact i have put on a weight and i kind of feel responsible maybe..

Tell him he could do with putting on a few pounds as you would like him to have a fatter willy!:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:


Sorry mods!

Ill behave now:D

gillypkk

hunny your husband sounds like my ex.

he was constantly telling me i needed to lose weight if i put a few pounds on, called me IT (and still does, fat, ugly, a state and anything else you want to list) everytime i questioned him about his behaviour and texting girls, staying out and not letting me know he would be late etc...he would accuse me of cheating coz before i was accusing him of anything i must have a guilty conscience and i was a psycho and mental and needed help and i was trying to control him blah blah blah.

needless to say i was correct in everything i suspected him of and no i never once had a guilty conscience as i never strayed (wasnt allowed out alone to even have the chance!)

get out now. he is a control freak. this is an abusive marriage. he is mentally abusing you.

claire16c

gillypkk wrote: »

hunny your husband sounds like my ex.

he was constantly telling me i needed to lose weight if i put a few pounds on, called me IT (and still does, fat, ugly, a state and anything else you want to list) everytime i questioned him about his behaviour and texting girls, staying out and not letting me know he would be late etc...he would accuse me of cheating coz before i was accusing him of anything i must have a guilty conscience and i was a psycho and mental and needed help and i was trying to control him blah blah blah.

needless to say i was correct in everything i suspected him of and no i never once had a guilty conscience as i never strayed (wasnt allowed out alone to even have the chance!)

get out now. he is a control freak. this is an abusive marriage. he is mentally abusing you.

Exactly. Which can be just as bad as physical abuse.