Confused and upset.

Hard_up,_not_happy

Hun your husband is an abusive, verbal bully. I think the way he treats you is despicable.

You are an intelligient woman who is seeing through his cruelty. I cannot begin to imagine how horrifying it must be to live and face what you are right now.

None of this is your fault. Dont let him make you believe it is.

So you have put on a couple of pounds in weight, so what. You have had a baby recently haven't you. None of us stays the same shape or easily goes back to our pre-pregnancy weight.

The only weight you need to shift is a few stone of useless moron with a wedding ring on his finger.

Sambucus_Nigra

Jeez. That's some front. I'll give him that. Why not just come clean [no pun intended]?

Money_maker

Thank you OP for updating us on what happened.

There is no way that any of this is your fault - if he didn't mention weight then it would be something else. He's trying to defend his actions by lashing out at you. You should still be in the honeymoon stage of marriage so problems this early does not bode well.

Try listing his good and bad points, see which one outweighs the other.

Personally, I would pack his bags and send him on his way. Having got away with treating you so badly, it will only escalate and get worse over time.

Good luck.

Money_maker

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

I asked where he had been yesterday and he refused to say.

Whoops, missed this little gem amongst the rest of his lies.

This is not a marriage. He was out all day - where was he? He is hiding something. Does sound a little paranoid of me but end of the day, he was missing for a long time.

Sorry, OP but this in itself is a deal breaker for me.

misskaytee

Seriously consider getting rid of this A hole :mad:

There's so much i want to write about what you have told us about your relationship with your husband, but the thing i want to get across to you the most is, He will not change, and it wont get better!

He's already grinding you down and you haven't been married for long, there are so many things wrong with what you have tolds us already.

He really is taking the P!!! :mad: not only by using the photo, but with the lack of respect he's showing you in general...Thats not even close to love

I don't think your friend has to be having an affair with your husband for him to have done what he did with the headshot photo, It just sounds like he's a creep.

jackie_w

Hi OP,

I really hope you get everything sorted out. Four yrs ago, my DH and I were going through a really bad patch.

I had a feeling he wasnt happy so I asked him. He said he wasnt, and when I asked why, his reply was "Look at the state of you, you have let yourself go, your fat, you dont bother with yourself and your boring"! Needless to say I was completely shocked, he had never been like that before. I asked if he was seeing someone else and he said he wasnt BUT, he was seeing someone else.
He completely turned everything on me, made it all out to be my fault.

We are still together, but, I only stayed with him because I didnt have anywhere to go. We had just moved to a new home, all our savings had been ploughed into the house, I wasnt working and none of my family could take me and our 2 boys in!
He apparently stopped seeing her when I found out, but I also found out that she turned out to be a phsyco (sp), an alcoholic and a drug addict!! How he didnt know this before is beyond me.
I am now left constantly wondering if he is just with me because he found out what she was really like, and Im always left feeling 2nd best and a failure because I couldnt leave.

Do I feel the same about him No, Do I love him the same No, Do I trust him DO I HELL.

Dont go through what I went/am still going through. if your the main earner just leave set up somewhere else, start afresh and get your life, confidence, self esteem back.

xx

melancholly

i hope he's sleeping on the sofa. what a jerk. to go off and do 'something' for a full day without saying anything about where he is and when he'll be back when he's a parent is pathetic. truely pathetic. if he was upset or angry, a snotty text message would have at least some some slight consideration that everything isn't about him. this behaviour on it's own would be too much for me, let alone his night time habits.......

OP - can you go anywhere to get a break from the situation and get some perspective? to work out what's good and bad about your relationship somewhere neutral? this may be a point to end it, or to make a concerted effort to change things so that you are both happier together. there's no point being rash, but equally you shouldn't just sit and tolerate this - long term this is not healthy.

ska_lover

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

No, i would like to be treated better but i have put on a small amount of weight (couple of pounds) since our wedding last year and feel like it maybe my fault really as i havent looked after myself as well as i could... i have been under ALOT of work pressure and my blood pressure has sky rocketed... which has made me stupidly comfort eat. I am not exactly huge but my husband has commented lots on the fact i have put on a weight and i kind of feel responsible maybe..

Hi OP,

Thank you for coming back and updating us.

I am so sorry to say this darling, but in my opinion it sounds like he is mentally abusing you, playing mind games. Making you believe you are mental, hiding his whereabouts and pointing out you have gained a few pounds are all very bad signs of what yet may be to come. You are newlyweds and should still be in the honeymoon period. Yet you cannot even talk to him as he goes mad - wheres the partnership there - he is the master and you are his dog in terms of pecking order. (so to speak, don't mean anything nasty there sorry best I could come up with)

You have already let him get in to your head and believe his crap. You say you feel kind of responsible in some way - well YOU ARE NOT. Putting on a couple of pounds is not a reason for a bloke to behave like this. He is very shallow isn't he?

It is obviously totally up to you - but these are your 'honeymoon period' i.e This is as good as it's ever going to get. It's up to you if you think you want better or are happy to put up with a manipulative peice of scum as your hubby. Do you really want to go through your life feeling second best? You cannot go through life with a man you cannot even trust. Trust is a basic element in a relationship.If thats not there, you have nothing. It would make you ill worrying about what hes up to and you will be a shadow of your former self and wasted the best years of your life on him.

I feel you have made a mistake marrying this guy as he certainly is not the man for you. He isn't the one. You may want him to be, but out there there is a man who will cherish you and love you and tell you that you are beautiful weather you put weight on, or have your hair all over the place.


You deserve better. Personally I wouldnt p**iss on a bloke who tried this kind of mind games with me.

patanne

Look at this from a totally different perspective. I don't remember whether you have a girl or a boy child, but perhaps it would be a good idea to look at it from their side. If you have a boy child, by the time he is 3 he will believe that the way you are treated by your OH is how it should be and will treat any future OH the same way. If you have a girl child, by the time she is 3 she will believe that she deserves to be treated by any future OH the same way as your OH is treating you, is that the life you want for her? Please consider carefully what your options are - but you really really deserve better. As for the financial side - well men are always more expensive to keep than women are, so you could be pleasantly surprised there. Please don't let money stop you from doing what you want to do. It WILL turn out alright whatever you decide.

grey_lady

This thread is a joke right? No-one would stay in such a crap relationship surely?