Confused and upset.

delain

I have first hand experience of dealing with a medically daignosed Narcissist, that ex again, and I have to say the above post is wrong, it is always going to be your fault in their eyes, they will do what the hell they like and there is no enabling involved!

I do agree though that the OP should get out now, and that she won't met the right man for her when stuck at home with this awful man.

marywooyeah

my weight has fluctated by 3 stone (up and down) since I met my husband and he has never said anything like that to me in fact he goes out of his way to say that I look nice because he knows how insecure I am.

what your husband is doing is seeing how insecure you are and is playing on that, saying that you've put on weight and how much prettier your friend is. he's not just out of order, he's horrible. I know you say you live together and have a child, but I don't think that in itself should "make" you stay together. its better to be a single mum than married to a man who mentally abuses you - he pushed you too! my ex started off pushing me and I used to think "oh its not domestic violence its not like he hit me I'm just being stupid" but it soon escalates once they know what you will put up with.
don't leave the house - he is in the wrong and you are the main earner! kick him out! if he fancies your mate so much let him try and have a crack then watch him crawl back trying to come home when she knocks him back.

sorry you're having such a hard time xxx

make_me_wise

grey_lady wrote: »

This thread is a joke right? No-one would stay in such a crap relationship surely?

I wish you were right. Abuse is complicated, especially if it is emotional abuse. It starts slowly and builds subtly so that you question whether you are over reacting the whole time. By the time the abuse has reached its peak the victim is a shadow of their former self and cant trust their judgements or instincts. All their confidence is crushed and they are extremely vulnerable. I hope it is something you will never experience.

make_me_wise

415SanFran wrote: »

I know I will be shot down for this comment, but here goes.

As someone has already pointed out, the person is Narcissistic, which makes you an enabler, you are letting him get away with this dreadful behavior.
Your allowing him to behave like a spoiled toddler, and while you let him behave like this he will take it further and further till one of two things happen.

Option one...... For him is to grind you further down to the point that you really are not able to do anything without his permission, while he does just as he pleases. With no recourse. Or accountability.

Option two, the next time (and there WILL BE A NEXT TIME) You say OK, so I am fat, crazy, and whatever other insult you can lay your tounge to. What EXACTLY do you see in me? If I am that much of a mess, why don't you just leave NOW?

I really do feel that SOME of this IS your fault, you have allowed him to get away with treating you this way.

You can only be treated as badly as YOU LET someone.

Also, you will NEVER meet MR Right while you are with Mr Wrong!

Im not going to shoot you down in flames. I think everyone views things differently, and has a right to those views without the need for someone to mock them. There is alot of sense spoken in your post. If the OP were living with a difficult personality then what you suggest might work.

I feel, as do alot of others on here, that the OPs husband is way beyond just a difficult personality. I agree with Delain in that she more than likely lives with a narcissistic person. To put this into context standing up for yourself against someone like that is like a small car taking on a freight train. Its a horrendous position to be in

Hard_up,_not_happy

Pollycat wrote: »

I'm pleased to hear that your OH wasn't "with your 'friend' coming up with a way to cover up their affair" as a couple of posters suggested and that your faith in her is justified.
FWIW, I thought that piece of baseless conjecture was something you just did not need at the time.

You just cant help yourself can you. Always gotta get in there and have a !!!!! about someones views. Just because a few posters on here saw things differently to you doesn't make your opinion any better or correct. So the friend wasn't with the OH when he was out all day. It doesn't mean nothing has been going on. None of us know either way, even you.

Your username needs a swivel love, Catty Polly would be far more apt

Bloomin_Freezing2

When someone is faced with a confrontation and they get angry, defensive and turn it around onto you, they have something to hide!

Have you really only gained 2 pounds, I'm surprised that's noticable, you can lose a pound with a visit to the toilet!! If he is calling you fat for a couple of pounds he's a pig (putting it mildly) and doesn't care about you.

There is no way I'd put up with my hubby being out the house from morning til late with no explanation. The fact he has so little respect for you speaks volumes I'm afraid.

relic

If my girlfriend was talking like that before we got married, it wouldn't have happened.

If I caught her "pleasuring" herself over a photo of one of my friends, that would be it, end of story.

How you managed to just go back upstairs and not smash him over the face with a wardrobe I don't know..

hethmar

Please dont blame yourself for his behaviour - you werent "fat" on the hen night were you? but he still had a roaming eye.

This bloke is a loser, he wants you there to come home to but he will no doubt spend the rest of his life always on the look out for greener grass. Marriage is for better or for worse, a few extra pounds - or stones - dont constitute a reason to treat you like poo. I put on some 3 stones when I packed up ciggies and had a prob that stopped me gyming - my OH didnt say I was repulsive, he tried to help me get onto a healthy diet and light exercise program because he knew the extra weight worried ME. This is after decades of marriage, not newly wed! Our years together havent been a total honeymoon but we were always there for each other and thats how marriage should be. Disappearing for a day, wa**king over a mates photo and lying is not a relationship its a war zone.

I hate to say it, but there is no future with this bloke. Without him you could find a decent man to care for you - with him you will spend every day tense and worried and wondering where he is.

Pollycat

Hard_up,_not_happy wrote: »

You just cant help yourself can you. Always gotta get in there and have a !!!!! about someones views. Just because a few posters on here saw things differently to you doesn't make your opinion any better or correct. So the friend wasn't with the OH when he was out all day. It doesn't mean nothing has been going on. None of us know either way, even you.

Your username needs a swivel love, Catty Polly would be far more apt

Wise up.

There was absolutely nothing at all in any of the OP's posts to suggest that her friend was having an affair with her OH or that the OP suspected that she was.
I reread them all to check before replying to abacus's post suggesting that was the case.

abacus73 wrote: »

Im so sorry to say this but I think he is with your 'friend' coming up with a way to cover up their affair.

That's a pretty despicable thing to say about someone without any indication that it was true (as it happens it wasn't) and may have distressed the OP unnecessarily.

As far as "Always gotta get in there and have a !!!!! about someones views" is concerned, at least I had the courtesy to back off after Delain suggested it.

The other 2 posters continued having a go at me.
So don't start accusing me of having a go.

I suggest you read (or at least re-read) the OP's posts - she's sure that nothing is going on between her OH and friend.

You're another one - stirring up trouble where it doesn't exist.
Do you have no feelings toweards the OP at all?
Why do you want to put doubt in her mind?
Don't you think she has enough going on without casting aspersions on her friend?
You watch too much Jeremy Kyle, love.

My username is fine, thanks.
My posts have not been catty.
They have just pointed out that some psters have read something that doesn't exist.
And those posters didn't like it when I asked where they had got that belief from.

And at least I'm totally opposite to you - I'm not hard up and I'm happy.

Hard_up,_not_happy

Pollycat wrote: »

My username is fine, thanks.
My posts have not been catty.

They have just pointed out that some psters have read something that doesn't exist.

And those posters didn't like it when I asked where they had got that belief from.

And at least I'm totally opposite to you - I'm not hard up and I'm happy.

Your posts have been very catty but you are far to up yourself and self obsessed to see it. Unless you are the OPs friend or her other half you cannot say for certain that nothing is going on.

The other posters dont need to justify to you where they got their opinions or what they based their beliefs on. Who are you that people have to do that.

Im not hard up and Im not unhappy either, its just a name. Seems like you have ticked quite a few people off on here with your opinions Pollycat. If that doesn't speak volumes about you nothing does. You can think what you like of me I really couln't care less for the opinions of such an ignorant individual and I will not be repsonding to any more of your drivel.