Confused and upset.

bigmomma051204

Hi all - this is probably more of an outlet for feeling than a proper post lol. Basically, i have a friend who i used to work with and who i still speak to all the time. She is attractive and vivacious and most men would probably like her! Now, i got married last October and me and my then husband to be went out on our hen/stag do's and ended up in the same pub at the very end of the night. My hubby had heard alot about my friend but had never met her. She is about 4 years younger than me and about 10 years younger than my hubby. She has a boyf but has always had major probs with him and has recently (last week) split from him and moved back in with her mum. At the joint end of the hen/stag night, my H2b and mates were outside the pub in the beer garden and me and my mates were inside. You can see into the pub through the window they were stood by... i decided to go out and say hello, they were all pretty drunk - he was with close friends and his dad. As i got outside, he obviously hadnt noticed me there and was telling everyone to look at my friend, about how he wishes he had met her earlier and how fit she was etc etc... now i was peeved to say the least but put it down to drunken rowdiness and pervyness like men are when drunk. Havent really thought about it much since... So, the other day i was clearing out things at work (my friend no longer works with me left in the spring of this year) and i found a photo of her in which she looks really pretty so i thought i would take it and give it to her next time i see her to kind of cheer her up after break up etc. So, last night i was really tired and suggested an early-ish night to my hubby. He said he didnt wanna go to bed yet and would stay up. I fell asleep for about an hour or so (was about midnight) then when i realised he hadnt come up, thought i would pop down and get a drink, say hi etc as u do.. He obviously didnt hear me coming down, and when i got halfway down, i saw that he was holding my friends photo and erm, well pleasuring himself (am i allowed to say that on here eeek?) .... he didnt see me and i went back upstairs very upset and confused. He came to bed about half hour later... well, i came downstairs this morning as he had got up pretty early and left me sleeping - he was in the kitchen and when i walked past sofa, i saw that he still had her photo there, half hidden under a cushion. SO now i am wondering if he got up to do the same thing again this morning.
Now, i understand that men look at certain *things* like magazines etc BUT i really feel very upset that he has been thinking about my friend in this way. Just to clarify, the pic doesnt show any of her body at all, so it is just a pic of her face. So nothing that would "turn him on" particularly unless he has feelings for her, iyswim....? He is able to access dodgy tv channels so there is no reason for him to have been looking at that if it was just that he wasnted something titilating..... i feel like maybe i am being silly about this but this situation, along with what he said on our hen/stags makes me think there is more to it.

BTW, i KNOW that there isnt anything going on with him and my friend as he is not her type at all, and well i just know for sure as they dont know anything about each other, havent got each others numbers, or anything.

Am i being silly?
Sorry for very long post!!

gillypkk

aww hun!

i would have confronted him there and then when you caught him at it!

there is no excuse for saying that drunk or no and defo no excuse for using her pic to do that when he has mags, the tv and internet. its totally disrespctful to you.

serious conversation is needed about all this.

bigmomma051204

he is out at the moment as has gone to the shop and then onto his parents to pick up some stuff... i really dont know how to approach this as i know he will be defensive. the photo is still there on his sofa hidden under a cushion... i havent moved it. Dont know whether to not mention last night and just ask him why he has taken the photo out from the box i had put it in, and why he has hidden it under cushion....? I am so upset but i know he will just make me feel silly and like it is my fault somehow - ie he will just say that he picked it up this morning cos i had left it lying around when i know i didnt, but he will just swear blind that he didnt get it etc and then he will get angry and storm out etc and i will end up having to apologise for nothing How can i approch this when he comes back. Really wanna ring him and have it out but no point as he will then show off that i am bothering him when he is out and about.

marywooyeah

no you're not being silly far from it!
he obviously fancies your friend but what he did was disgusting - and then came into bed with you!
sounds like your friend is unaware of/has not encouraged this in anyway. like the old saying, men come and go but friends are forever.
imagine if you married and he spent the whole wedding staring at her - you'd spend your marriage wondering if he settled for you.

I think you should dump him while you've got the chance!

bigmomma051204

we are married - last october :A

marywooyeah

edit: just realised you are actually married I thought you were engaged - oh hun I'm so sorry, do you think your marriage could be saved? if it was me I don't know if I could get past it

bigmomma051204

thats the trouble, i dont know if i will ..... also, when we were first together yeard ago, he slept with one of my old friends who i dont see anymore for that reason... they kept it secret for 6 months until i found a msg she had sent him saying that she had an std and he should get himself checked before he slept with me (which he hadnt done - he had just ignored her advice and told her not to tell me etc etc, luckily he didnt have anything therefore i was okay)... it was right when we were not even properly a couple and i kind of dealt with it after a while but he never really apologised for it... and this has brought it all back.

Jo_R_2

I'd say, "hey hun, I saw how fond you were of x's photo last night so I've put it in a frame for you, after all, I wouldn't want the piccy to get damaged with the action it's getting. Now, if you could just get hold of a pic of [insert his best mate's name here] for me, everyone's a winner!"

No, seriously, I know guys have a rather strong, erm, drive, but that is crossing the line, especially coupled with what you overheard. I'd whisk the photo away, and tell him if that's what he thinks, he can take a walk over to her house, and if he's actually as committed as his marriage vows lead you to believe, then you won't accept him mouthing off disrespecting you again. That's way out of order.

poppyolivia

I'd take the photo, burn it...and in its place put a bit of paper with PERV written on it and don't mention it!

bigmomma051204

the worst thing is, the only person i would wanna talk to about this is my friend! I am so upset and crying now it makes me feel sick... i cant ring her and talk to her as she would know it was her photo and i wouldnt want her to feel bad or upset and disgusted - she would hate that he had used her photo in that way obviously. I cant even talk to her and make out its someone else cos she knows that i have the photo as i told her the other night that i had grabbed it from work for her! i really feel i am being silly and should just accept that my friend is more attractive than me... she has a more exciting life that my hubby obviously hears about from me, which probably makes her seem more attractive still as i just go to work, look after our little boy, make tea and boring stuff like that! I feel like i need to just accept that he doesnt find me attractive anymore or something. this is horrid. sorry for all the posts

poppyolivia

Jo_R wrote: »

I'd say, "hey hun, I saw how fond you were of x's photo last night so I've put it in a frame for you, after all, I wouldn't want the piccy to get damaged with the action it's getting. Now, if you could just get hold of a pic of [insert his best mate's name here] for me, everyone's a winner!"

No, seriously, I know guys have a rather strong, erm, drive, but that is crossing the line, especially coupled with what you overheard. I'd whisk the photo away, and tell him if that's what he thinks, he can take a walk over to her house, and if he's actually as committed as his marriage vows lead you to believe, then you won't accept him mouthing off disrespecting you again. That's way out of order.

omg I love it...!:rotfl: