Confused and upset.

Darlyd

Jo_R wrote: »

I'd say, "hey hun, I saw how fond you were of x's photo last night so I've put it in a frame for you, after all, I wouldn't want the piccy to get damaged with the action it's getting. Now, if you could just get hold of a pic of [insert his best mate's name here] for me, everyone's a winner!"

.

That is exactly What I would do/say! Seriously!

That is disgusting, I would be so upset if I was in your situation, you poor thing! But you need to be firm, and not all timid! And I would also make him do the grovelling!

marywooyeah

alarm bells! he didnt have anything - therefore you took his word for it that you wouldn't either? am I reading that right? I hope you got tested aswell.

I can kind of understand the one before if you weren't properly together, me and hubby both slept with one person each fairly soon after we met and had "done stuff" together cos we weren't properly together. I honestly don't mind and he doesn't, but thats cos we were open about it. As your OH lied about it back then I can see why its dragging it up for you.

If you go in all guns blazing its likely to ignite a row that he will make out is your fault ie she just started shouting at me!
I think the "dish served cold" approach might be best here...

MrsWoolfe

That is so completely out of order!

tell him you saw what he did last night- just mention that you came downstairs for a drink and he was "occupied" don't let him defend/twist, just try and keep calm and tell him that you are dissapointed in his behaviour and you find it pretty nasty that he would do that- it's disrespectful to you and to your friend. You will not stand for it anymore.

There are two options:

1) he has serious feeling for your friend.
2) he has a problem .

Both mean that he needs to sort himself out- ask if he is willing to have counselling to sort things out, hopefully you being calm and matter of fact about will freak him out and make him realise that it's serious. IF he is adamant that there isn't a problem then I'd be doing some serious thinking about what you are prepared to live with.....either way I think that what he did is pretty disgusting tbh and added to that the way he behaved with you other friend? I don't know hun doesn't sound like he has a lot of respect for you...

hth, sorry I don't have more advice

MrsWoolfe

bigmomma051204

marywooyeah wrote: »

alarm bells! he didnt have anything - therefore you took his word for it that you wouldn't either? am I reading that right? I hope you got tested aswell.

I can kind of understand the one before if you weren't properly together, me and hubby both slept with one person each fairly soon after we met and had "done stuff" together cos we weren't properly together. I honestly don't mind and he doesn't, but thats cos we were open about it. As your OH lied about it back then I can see why its dragging it up for you.

If you go in all guns blazing its likely to ignite a row that he will make out is your fault ie she just started shouting at me!
I think the "dish served cold" approach might be best here...

Sorry, yeah once i found out, i made him go get tested and i did too. i was clear and so was he. It was all made a thousand times worse because when i found out, i had just miscarried so obviously for a while until we found out results of tests, i was wondering if it was because i had some disease etc that i had miscarried. BTW, i became pregnant by accident (slightly dodgy tummy, on pill etc) certainly didnt plan it only 7 months into relationship eeek.. but obvioulsly it was still very upsetting

ali-t

Jo_R wrote: »

I'd say, "hey hun, I saw how fond you were of x's photo last night so I've put it in a frame for you, after all, I wouldn't want the piccy to get damaged with the action it's getting. Now, if you could just get hold of a pic of [insert his best mate's name here] for me, everyone's a winner!"

.

I would say similar to the above. You either have to confront him or forget about it. There is no point in being devious or sneaky by removing the picture and saying nowt or replacing it with something else because that is what you are hacked off at him for doing.

I would face up to him and say words to the effect of -

"Do you mind not w***king over pictures of my friends, I find it really disrespectful. I saw you last night but you looked like you were having too good a time so I didn't want to interrupt you. TBH, I don't think she would want a threesome as I know she doesn't find you attractive. By the way is there any chance you could get me a pic of your friend (insert name of his hottest friend) as he is hot and my rampant rabbit is all fired up and ready to go."

At that point I would smile at him (nicely not snidely) and walk out the room to go and do something, leaving him stewing in his own juices. TBH, I don't think this is worth losing your marriage over, he finds your friend attractive (possibly personality and lifestyle wise as well as looks wise) but in some ways this is a compliment to you as it shows you have great taste in friends.

I would also consider speaking to your friend. If she is that good a friend to you, she will get over being weirded out by it. At the very least you will be able to tell her how upset you are and get confirmation from her that she wouldn't go near him. At the very least that will give you peace of mind if they are ever together.

January20

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

thats the trouble, i dont know if i will ..... also, when we were first together yeard ago, he slept with one of my old friends who i dont see anymore for that reason... they kept it secret for 6 months until i found a msg she had sent him saying that she had an std and he should get himself checked before he slept with me (which he hadnt done - he had just ignored her advice and told her not to tell me etc etc, luckily he didnt have anything therefore i was okay)... it was right when we were not even properly a couple and i kind of dealt with it after a while but he never really apologised for it... and this has brought it all back.

And you married this guy? Sorry to be harsh but....

If any poster on here had written this post, what would you say to them?

Your other post (#3) really gives me concerns about your relationship. He would make you feel stupid and like it's your fault? He would just be showing off because you call him when he is out and about? You have way more problems than just what he was doing with that photo!

shellsuit

If I heard my husband talk like that on our stag/hen night, he would have got a short sharp kick to the nethers!

If I caught him masturbating over a pic of a mate, I would have gone ape!

Why are you not pulling him up over these things? Put him on the spot and ask him !!!!!! he is playing at. He knocked back going to bed with his wife so he could knock one off to her mates photo instead?! Sorry to make it sound awful, but it is!

I'm so angry on your behalf, grrrrr!!

Lozzy88

shellsuit wrote: »

I'm so angry on your behalf, grrrrr!!

:eek: Me too some people just dont know a good thing when they have one.

He thinks hes got away with it and that you wont find out but you have found out so make it known to him before he trys to get away with other things....

Zoetoes

I hate to say it but it's a pity you have already married him! It sounds like he makes you very unhappy.

Pee

I really can't help because I don't know what I would do, but I do know that I've had a completely innocent crush on one of my boyfriends friends without it affecting my feelings for my boyfriend at all. I expect if my boyfirned knew, he'd be very upset, but if he knew exactly how I felt, that I liked his friend but love and admire him, if he could completely read my mind, I think he'd feel ok.

It sounds like you idolise your friend, too, which is lovely, but maybe you are missing your good points and disregarding them?