Confused and upset.

Pollycat

Hard_up,_not_happy wrote: »

Your posts have been very catty but you are far to up yourself and self obsessed to see it. Unless you are the OPs friend or her other half you cannot say for certain that nothing is going on.

At least I base my opinions on what I've read (i.e. that the OP is sure that her friend is not having an affair with her OH) rather than pluck something out of thin air.

I'd rather do that than stoop to the level of you and other posters who seem to relish the idea that there is something going on between the OP's OH and her friend.

That's not being self-obsessed, love - it's being intelligent enough to read and understand what's been written and astute enough to query posters who appear to have got the wrong end of the stick - at least as far as the OP's concerned and she should know better than anyone on here, don't you think?

Hard_up,_not_happy wrote: »

The other posters dont need to justify to you where they got their opinions or what they based their beliefs on. Who are you that people have to do that.

There's nothing to say in the forum rules that I can't ask what other posters have based their 'beliefs' on.

It's up to them if they get upset because their 'beliefs' are based on nothing concrete.

Hard_up,_not_happy wrote: »

Im not hard up and Im not unhappy either, its just a name. Seems like you have ticked quite a few people off on here with your opinions Pollycat. If that doesn't speak volumes about you nothing does. You can think what you like of me I really couln't care less for the opinions of such an ignorant individual and I will not be repsonding to any more of your drivel.

I'm not catty and I'm not a parrot - it's just a username.

The posters who I have allegedly 'ticked off' appear to be those who've jumped on the 'your friend's doing the dirty on you with your OH' bandwagon - with absolutely no basis in fact or even suspicion on the OP's part.

DitaVonTee

bigmomma051204 wrote: »

Well, he finally came home at about midnight last night. I tried to talk to him but he was having none of it and got so angry that i was a bit scared (not violent but just extremely angry, red in face and pushing me away etc) and in the end i gave up trying.

So, tried again this morning and all i got was denials about it all. He denied that he had been doing anything. Said that i must have put the photo there and he just didnt move it cos he thought i had left it there for a reason (such as what who knows!!). I then reminded him about what he had said on our hen/stag do about her. He again denied he had said anything untoward. I kept to my guns and said i had heard him and i had seen him etc but he just was very stubborn and refused to accept what i was saying to him. He says i am just paranoid about him leaving me for anyone else and that i "should sort my head out", i am "a mental person who needs help" etc etc.. I asked where he had been yesterday and he refused to say.
I know he wasnt with my friend as she was out with her mum and younger brother at the seaside for her mums birthday (spoke to her during the afternoon and spoke to her mum to say happy birthday so doubt anything fishy was going on with them there too!) Again, i have total faith in my friend, i DO have "friends" who i wouldnt be so trusting of it it was them in the pic etc, but her i do trust totally)
He has been ignoring me all day, refusing to speak to me and leaving the room when i enter it. He said i am too "in his face" and need to "back off" when i try to speak to him so i gave up earlier. God knows what i should do. It isnt as easy as just ending things as we are married, have a child and live together. Financially i am the main earner but couldnt stay living where we are without financial contributions from him. This is just a nightmare

Being married with a child and thinking about lack of money isn't a valid reason to stay, or not kick him out.

I was once married to a man and had a child from a previous relationship, I walked away, we had a home together and everything else that comes with the trappings of married life - wasn't enough to keep me there, I'd had enough of his terrible behaviour and just woke up one morning knowing I couldn't take anymore, packed a bag for me and my DD walked out, locked the door behind me, shoved the keys through the letter box and walked, it really was that easy.

I haven't looked back since then, I realised there is always someone out there for someone else, that someone who is willing to treat you like a queen. Few years after walking out, I met a lovely man, got remarried and went on to have more children - again, I have all the trappings of a married life, house, cars, kids but again, it wouldn't be enough to keep me here if things took a turn for the worst and I once again started to suffer bad behaviour from my hubby (He wouldn't anyway, I am respected and loved far too much for him to want to jeopardize things in that way)

If I were the one in your shoes I couldn't be doing with this, I know I couldnt, I suppose at the end of the day it depends on how much longer you want to be treated like a mug, letting him lay the blame onto yourself for his own behaviour (which is totally out of order) - everyone in this life deserves to be happy, we only get one shot at a happy life I wouldn't be letting this man ruin my life so I suppose it boils down to how strong you are inside, how much you really do love him (or not)...

Just have a really hard think to yourself is this the way you want to spend the rest of you're life with this man?

If not, now is the time to be doing something about it, rather than waste good years of your life and letting him ruin your life for you.

Pollycat

DitaVonTee wrote: »

Just have a really hard think to yourself is this the way you want to spend the rest of you're life with this man?

If not, now is the time to be doing something about it, rather than waste good years of your life and letting him ruin your life for you.

Excellent advice.

As difficult as it might be to leave and start again, surely it would be better in the long term than to be beaten down by someone who does not respect you.

DitaVonTee

Pollycat wrote: »

Excellent advice.

As difficult as it might be to leave and start again, surely it would be better in the long term than to be beaten down by someone who does not respect you.

I certainly couldn't be with someone that didn't respect me, as could I not be with someone that stayed out all night giving me very little explanation as to where they had been during that time, put it this way, they wouldn't have set foot back through the door until I'd had some way of explanation :D

I know any relationship in life isn't perfect we all have our ups and downs (I know I do with my hubby, no one and no relationship is perfect) but there does have to be a mutual respect for anything to work, if not it's only a downward spiral from there.

I've always said, don't ever regret things you have done in life, regret all things you haven't done - were a long time growing old, it's a lot of regret to live with if you don't stop a vicious circle

Buffythedebtslayer

OP,

I have read the whole thread and wish I had a fancy way to put this that might sound more persuasive but I don't

He is a horrible foul man.

You have a child who deserves better (even if you think you don't) than a "Dad" who disappears for hours at a time and is treats you so badly.

THe world is huge and full of many experiences, you can do anything you want, he doesn't own you and truthfully you can have an amazing life.

Anything is possible hun, now pack that bag!

xxxx

halight

Just wondering how things are going for you?

NickyBat

My God i cannot believe that man.
if my hubby went out all day and refused to say where he had been i would freak.
Whether he is up to something is debatable, but at the very least he has a basic lack of respect for the OP.

jakem_2

A horrible thought has entered my head, you dont think he was with her and her mum all day at the seaside, or visited her after she came back?

Why cant he admit to you where he was all day, and why deny what he did over the pic and what you hear him say?

If he was completely innocent he would be swearing on a stack of bibles where he was all day knowing you saw and heard what you did, so you would think he would be telling and reassuring you where he had been, its very odd to me.

soccermom

jakem wrote: »

If he was completely innocent he would be swearing on a stack of bibles where he was all day knowing you saw and heard what you did, so you would think he would be telling and reassuring you where he had been, its very odd to me.

He doesn't sound to me like he is a bible loving follower to me, not sure that would make a difference to him

I got out of a relationship with my sons father when my son was 10 months old after my ex "tried" to stop me going to work one night after he had consumed a skinful. We had all the trappings of a married life without being married, but you can and will make a new life for yourself if you choose to leave.

good luck and please don't let him destroy your confidence he really doesn't sound like he is worth it.

squibbs25

I hope the OP is ok, she's not been on here for a few days now.

OP if you are reading the threads, please just let us know how you are.

Post #139 jumped out at me.

Silly man if he is purely embarressed and/or ashamed and couldn't face you.
He's giving you every reason to doubt his loyallaty to his family commitments by his actions (disappearing all day and half the night) and not contacting you.
He's already made himself look guilty - whether he is or not.