Am so stressed I could scream.....

gratefulforhelp_2

darlyd wrote: »

I try to do that, but DD1 does not do anything to be praised.. Except for yesterday morning she took DD2 downstairs gave her breakfast etc let me have a lay in. So I praised her for that.. And cooked her a mighty fine breakfast, and joked about her doing dishes but she then started shouting and threw her last sausage to the dog.. Then regretted it and blamed me.. :eek:

So she DOES do good things, maybe next time you could improve on this by being really specific about why you are praising
"It was so great to have a rest" or something, and then let the sausage tantrum wash over you. Even with teenagers you sometimes have to let the tantrum happen, and so long as you don't feed it attention, that's ok.

darlyd wrote: »

It's definitely getting to me, she was purposely slurping, when i asked her not too, people were looking, she then gobbed off saying she can do what she wants to do, and did it even more and louder!

So this is her getting your attention any way she can. You have to ignore it unless it's your chosen behaviour to work on, if another child is there, you could tell the other child
"well done for drinking your drink properly" still ignoring DD.

darlyd wrote: »

And I can also be away from a dominant controlling MIL too..

You have a lot on your plate, while I have great sympathy, you have to rise to this challenge and be the bigger person for your daughter.

rachbc

Wow there is so much going on here - but I agree with the very simple advice given at the start about picking your battles. However I think you first need to get yourslef into a place where you are strong enough to do whats needed to regain control of the situation.

If you can manage your dperession and OCD better then perhaps her 'mess' won't be such an issue - in fact it may be what you consider a mess if really just an normal acceptable level of doing things. Use the time your daughters are away to speak with your own mental health workers about not just drugs but practical strategies you can use to help yourslef then you will be in a better place to help your daughter

tango

make_me_wise wrote: »

The OPs post tells me she is a mum, coping in extremely difficult circumstances and has come on here to vent and let it all out. When you do that you hope others will understand where you are coming from and help regardless.

On the other hand Tango, your post tells me you are a nit picking, bloody minded individual who has not intention of being any help whatsoever and just wants to make the OP feel even worse.

Did you see my post I posted offering advice ?? That first post was to see if the OP could look at herself from another angle, it was not to nit pick or be bloody minded, you read it and interupted it the wrong way
Maybe you should reread how you have come across.... as a someone who thinks it's OK to slag someone off without checking all their facts

ali-t

pigpen wrote: »

I did suggest before family therapy as an option so you can all work together.. him too.. you should consider it at least .. don't rule anything out.. it may be the one thing that sets you on the right path.

Fantastic post pigpen. I have highlighted the above text as the family should be able to access this easily due to already having involvement with CAMHS. Lots of therapeutic techniques spring to mind for this family from what the OP has said so all is not lost.

determined_new_ms

darlyd wrote: »

sorry this is going to be long. Not looking for sympathy just someone to talk too..

KIDS have been off for how long? (this is day 3).

DD1 (who is 12) Does nothing, she eats sweets, crisps etc and just throws the wrapper on the floor, its disgusting and with my OCD makes me either cry or shout. She just tells me to shut my gob (screaming it at me).

She keeps leaving the stair gate we have on the kitchen seperating puppy staff to senior staff, she does it on purpose to see my reaction. Not funny when Senior staff pins puppy staff on the floor because he wants to play and she wants to sleep. :mad:

DD1 keeps winding DD2 up, I say please be quiet or take it upstairs, she speaks louder.

I have offered to take her swimming, but she says she can't be bothered to go swimming. I had to wait for DH to come home for lunch to help me get her into the car so I can go Asda, and take them to the park BUT it started raining, so Asda was OK, then we went macdonalds, BUT she just embarrassed me in there by talking really loud and slurping her shake (suppose no big deal)

IT's so bad i have been locking myself in my bedroom, after taking her rubbish out of my bedroom.

She is so challenging, and under CAHMS & CAF.

We seen CAHMS few weeks ago, was waiting for appointment to see them again, the next thing i know they sent a physciatrist into school to assess her, she didnt know he was coming, she was well behaved in her fave lesson of drama, he left THEN the next lesson she told the teacher to f off! :eek:. And they found it difficult to get her to work outside the office. (again!)

Am so stressed, I nearly caused a car accident erlier on way back from Asda. I fear going to work, as I do house calls, my mind is just not with it. I can not concentrate, I tried to fill out job application forms for a new job, as the one I do does not pay to well for the rushing around we do. But have made a boo boo, DH tipexed it and is photo copying it for me.

youth found me few days ago, banning her from going for a month as she told them to f off when they politly asked her to stop stirring trouble with the other kids. She seems to think she can go to the park tonight to meet her friends (same time as youth which is right next to it) we told her no. And she created by breaking her wardrobe door, and all her clothes are on the top of the stairs.

I seem to be in a very dark place at the moment, and my medication don't seem to be helping me, GP offered another med to take along with my other ones BUT I refused as I have had serotonin syndrome in the past.

She is going to my parents for a few weeks as of this weekend, and i know this may sound bad but I can't wait. I need a break from all the shouting, banging, and the phone calls/facebook messages from kids parents.. She has managed to set up another fb account (using friends pc) and messaged a girl who she invited to her bday sleep over, and said you have to fing pay my mum back she has booked a pamper party. (I never did in the end, we just discussed a sleep over). I was mortified.

Omg both kids in the garden now, DD2 is screaming cus DD1 is on the trampoline with her, bouncing hard and DD2 don't like it. !!!!!!, I just can't cope... Feel like ending it!!!!!!

Sorry was just a rant, I feel better for putting this down, DH and I are not communicating really, don't really know what to talk about.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It reminded me of my own life 6 years ago. It was the toughest time I've ever been through & I totally understand the highlighted sentence. It seemed that things would remain the same forever - it didn't but it felt like that for sure.

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

This will sound pathetic, but it is powerful and it works, I have been working successfully with kids like this for 20 years...and I know that's not the same as living with it (hugs).

Do three things

1. Praise every thing you see her doing that is good - there will be some.
2. Each day, decide one behaviour which is non-negotiable, communicate it clearly to her and explain which priviledge you will remove if she blows it. Be clear what the reward will be if she makes it.
3. Ignore everything else, pick your battles, and one behaviour a day is plenty.

xxx

this is execellent advice I'd definately recommend doing this. It feels like to me that you are overwhelmed by her bad behaviour & as a result have lost control of the adult role in this situation. If your dd is anything like mine was then as hard as it is she needs clear boundaries. I look back and now I totally understand what it means to be an adult & put in boundaries but pick the battles but at the time I didn't. Its not too late to change this by getting stronger and being strong.

I really wish you all the best x

j.e.j.

darlyd wrote: »

DD1 (who is 12) Does nothing, she eats sweets, crisps etc and just throws the wrapper on the floor, its disgusting and with my OCD makes me either cry or shout. She just tells me to shut my gob (screaming it at me).

:eek::eek:

This is going to make me sound very old, I'm sure, but if I'd told my mother to 'shut her gob' when I was 12 I'd have been nursing a very sore backside once my father got in :rotfl:

If she's swearing at the teachers too it sounds like she doesn't know any boundaries.

So sorry you're having to deal with this alone. Can you not try and get your OH on side? Maybe if you present a united front, as it were, it might be a it more effective.

If she does have mental health issues, do insist on getting help with it. This is more than one person alone can be expected to deal with.

make_me_wise

tango wrote: »

Did you see my post I posted offering advice ?? That first post was to see if the OP could look at herself from another angle, it was not to nit pick or be bloody minded, you read it and interupted it the wrong way
Maybe you should reread how you have come across.... as a someone who thinks it's OK to slag someone off without checking all their facts

Where do you get off, telling people that they read your posts and interpret things the wrong way :rotfl:

How I percieve your first post is not for you to dictate, that is my perogative. I will form my own views of you without you telling me what I can and cant think, thank you very much.

Other people also questioned your first repsonse to this thread. It came across as rude, not as if you were trying to see if the OP could look at herself from another angle.

You are now on my ignore list so dont bother flaming me for my views again because I wont be able to see it. My choice. Your views are of absolutely no interest to me whatsoever

ali-t

make_me_wise wrote: »

Other people also questioned your first repsonse to this thread. It came across as rude, not as if you were trying to see if the OP could look at herself from another angle.

TBH, I read it the way tango intended it to be read.

I took from it that the OP should step back and read her post objectively and think about how would she see it if it was someone else posting the thread. What advice would she give that poster and then how could she take that learning and implement it in practice in her own life.

Funny how we interpret things differently There are some posters on here who really get my back up (nobody on this thread ) and I imagine snideyness in their posting even when it probably isn't meant . If in doubt walk away and do something meaningful in real life is my motto

gingin_2

Darlyd, I saw you online earlier, so I assume you must have read through the thread. What positive things have happened today, did you act on any of the advice? Maybe you could write small steps you have made on here.

Mad-Frog

darlyd wrote: »

Since she was a baby, never slept, whined a lot, had to be busy all the time, never one for falling asleep in her bouncy in front of the tweenies..

As she was a toddler, she got bullied, it was like she wanted to get bullied, it broke my heart.

Dh does support me, he does take over quite a bit, he just walked in now from work and told her to clean her mess up, she got the play dough out, and it's every where. screaming blah blah, it's still all over the place, I can't wait to go work.

Dh has only said to me, that he don't want her here, and i have said i will have to move out too then, cus she has no where else to go, he said I will support you. (charming).

I will be honest it's not helping that i am suffering mentally. I just can't stand the arguing between the kids, the mess, me rushing around all the time trying to please everyone.

Daryld you have my sympathies my sister has been through this with her step son and now to a lesser degree with her daughter but you need to be tough, swearing at anyone let alone teachers should be dealt with

Can I ask how was your daughter bullied as a toddler? By who exactly? I was very concerned to read that x