Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

purpletoenails

Pollycat wrote: »

That's the thing though - knowing somebody well enough 'under the circumstances' doesn't necessarily guarantee a life of happiness.

Aren't you worried that he'll choose to leave his wife, commit to you and it won't be the idyllic life you've briefly snatched together so far - and you'll both have regrets?

Yes and that is why he needs to make the decision about whether he wants to take that risk, and not me. He has far far more to give up than I do.

Bogof_Babe

Not being funny but what can you offer him that he hasn't already got? "Love" is a bit of an indefinable concept once the "in love" stage has worn off, which it inevitably does.

I presume despite the alleged state of his marriage, he still gets his meals cooked, his laundry done, companionship for outings etc. He might not be getting as much action between the sheets as he'd like, but that goes for 99.9% of men lol. Anyway even that wears off when it is "allowed" and not a novelty anymore.

If I was him I don't think I'd have enough reasons to take the leap and throw away everything I had worked for, just on the offchance that I might have a better time with someone I don't really even know all that well. (Social and "dating" activity doesn't count in the same way as living with someone 24/7 does).

I must say you come across as an extremely nice person, very patient in your replies (as in your love life!), and I really do wish you all the best, but not at the expense of married man's family.

Pollycat

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

I must say you come across as an extremely nice person, very patient in your replies (as in your love life!), and I really do wish you all the best

Do you know, Bogof_babe, I thought the same thing.

I wish her well too, but I'm not convinced that she'll get her man.

Bogof_Babe

Pollycat wrote: »

Do you know, Bogof_babe, I thought the same thing.

I wish her well too, but I'm not convinced that she'll get her man.

I think she's too good for him. She deserves an honest one.

jules42

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

I think she's too good for him. She deserves an honest one.

havent added to the thread before however well said Bogof_Babe :T:T

layton55

moodydonkey wrote: »

My ex husband had an affair. It worked out for the best. They have a son and are now married. Our girls and i are happy. There were horrible times and everyone suffered but it was for the best. I don't blame him for having an affair because when he did I was a rubbish wife and didn't love him anymore but never had the guts to end it. He met someone that made him happy then and she stil does now.
I've followed this thread with interest, such an emotive subject.

I'd just like to say I was humbled to read this. So many people stay in unhappy, loveless marriages because they think it's 'the right thing to do' but it isn't always true. Marriage is a commitment but people change, circumstances are different...married young, out of necessity, for convenience, because children are involved etc etc..

Too many people regret things they didn't do in life and that could be following their herts and finding true happiness. Your story is uplifting because you are clearly not one of those bitter women and like a mature adult accept that some things in life just aren't (or are) meant to be!

layton55

I am in a similar situation to yourself. Married man been with his wife 10 years with 3 kids. They married young and I believe she pressured him into it; nonetheless he 'made his bed so to speak'. The first thing you must do is realise that if he leaves his wife, he must do it for himself; and not you. This is the one thing i made very clear from the outset. Only this way could a future ever be possible for you both. We have tried to end it several times but struggle - it's not a purely sexual one (though we have done it once) - it's much deeper than that and that's what makes it hard. i told him to seek marriage couselling and see if there was anything left to salvage from the marriage and if so - then i'd be happy for him; accepting that we weren't meant to be. if marriage couselling doesn't work and he decides to get a divorce then only then can we start anything real. it's hard i know but you need to trust that he will do the right thing by himself (whatever that may be) and in the meantime you need to do whatever it is you need to do to get yourself up and running again. i spend many hours of many days thinking about him and him me too. then other days i focus on all the other great things in my life - friends, work etc. it's a waiting game but if you believe in it then worth the wait. i hope it all works out for you, whatever the outcome.

lostinrates

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

I must say you come across as an extremely nice person, very patient in your replies (as in your love life!), and I really do wish you all the best, but not at the expense of married man's family.

I agree with this too.

purpletoenails

layton55 wrote: »

I am in a similar situation to yourself. Married man been with his wife 10 years with 3 kids. They married young and I believe she pressured him into it; nonetheless he 'made his bed so to speak'. The first thing you must do is realise that if he leaves his wife, he must do it for himself; and not you. This is the one thing i made very clear from the outset. Only this way could a future ever be possible for you both. We have tried to end it several times but struggle - it's not a purely sexual one (though we have done it once) - it's much deeper than that and that's what makes it hard. i told him to seek marriage couselling and see if there was anything left to salvage from the marriage and if so - then i'd be happy for him; accepting that we weren't meant to be. if marriage couselling doesn't work and he decides to get a divorce then only then can we start anything real. it's hard i know but you need to trust that he will do the right thing by himself (whatever that may be) and in the meantime you need to do whatever it is you need to do to get yourself up and running again. i spend many hours of many days thinking about him and him me too. then other days i focus on all the other great things in my life - friends, work etc. it's a waiting game but if you believe in it then worth the wait. i hope it all works out for you, whatever the outcome.

Thank you for sharing that, I hope things work out for you too

Jokey34

Hi

Ok, I managed to read only some of the responses to your story, but you know hun, the title of your thread strikes me: you call your relationship an "affair" and you wonder if it will "end happily", which tells me one thing: this man does not give you enough reassurance to feel that you are the "one" but I maybe wrong?
BTW: I have been both: the ex and the 'other woman'. But by my ex had broken up with me years before he met his now-wife and I can now sincerely say 'good luck mate'. My now-partner of 8 years had broken up with his child's mum after only a few months of knowing each other- this is a year before meeting me
I don't know what to say because I can relate either way...but if your man is serious enough about you, you would not be left wondering ..