Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

mountainofdebt

Personally my father had, what I guess is now called an emotional affair with someone, twenty odd years and although he denied he was involved with her at the time, 19 years later they are still together.

Personally I lost all respect for him not only for the way he treated my mum but the decit both afterwards and beforehand. I've only spoken to him on a handful of occasions since - and they have been at events which if I could have got out of then I would have rather than be in his company. She has never attended these events.

As far as the other woman is concerned yes I guess an affair can have a happy outcome but it has split the family to the extent that if both he and she had attended an event recently then I wouldn't have gone - whilst I don't dictate the guest list I certain dictate as to who I spend my time with.

Tell me though - if your daughter told you in a few years time she was involved with a married man - would you really be happy for her?

purpletoenails

mountainofdebt wrote: »

Tell me though - if your daughter told you in a few years time she was involved with a married man - would you really be happy for her?

No I would of course prefer her to be in a happy relationship with someone that would be there for her and was available.

seven-day-weekend

There is only one honest course of action open to the OP.

The man is not free to have a relationship with her. He has made a legally binding promise to another woman. Until such time as he is no longer legally bound to someone else, there is no room for any sort of 'relationship'.

If he's too spineless to break off their affair, then she should.

Bogof_Babe

That's it in a nutshell sdw. Wonder why it has taken 50 pages to get there!

1echidna

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

That's it in a nutshell sdw. Wonder why it has taken 50 pages to get there!

Somebody has got their nickers in a twist over what the law says and doesn't say.

zoesmummy_2006

my very soon to be ex-husband had an affair. Our son had just turned 1 when he left us. We had a 3 year old daughter too. I had a feeling at the time that he was seeing someone else, and found pics on his phone one night of a half naked girl. When he left he blamed me entirely for the breakdown of the relationship, everything was my fault and i believed him for a while.

The girl he was seeing when he left me lived on the same street as my parents so despite denying it for ages everyone knew what was going on-thats how much of a muppet he was lol!!!! And when that all came out into the open it broke down very quickly and within 2 days he was with someone else. this someone else is who he is still with now, they recently had a child together, and i also found out for definate via friends that he did infact sleep with her on a works xmas do when we'd been married just 4 months and i was 3 months pregnant with our daughter!!

Can affairs have a happy ending??? In my experience with my ex husband no, he's not happy with her, and I know that for a fact because when i served him with divorce papers he begged me to take him back. When i said i couldnt handle him having a child with someone else and having to have that child in my life, never mind that I would never ever be able to trust him again, he said that he would have nothing to do with her or their child if i took him back!!!!! Needless to say I told him exactly what I thought of him, what kind of man can say that about a child that isnt even born yet. And he is still with the girl and their child as he cannot be on his own!!!!

I would rather be on my own than with someone who's not mine completely. Im happier than I was, and am still on my own, it's been almost 2 years for me now, my divorce will be finalised in september.

With regards to children in the relationship breakdown, my 2 seemed to adapt very well at first. to be honest daddy was hardly ever home when they were little as his free time was spent with friends/paintballing/going out etc. But over the last few months since baby was announced/arrived my daughter has become very clingy and insecure, she is constantly begging me to 'never leave me mummy' and is going through the 'i want daddy to come back and live with us' stage. Its hard as hell trying to explain to a 5 year old that thats not going to happen, she just doesnt understand and that daddy has X and Y and lives with them makes no difference to her, well it hurts her more. she see's it as daddy chose them over living with her. In the beginning i was very bitter, and hated 'her', didnt want her around my children, and that was compounded by seeing her post a pic of herself with my son on fb, with the comment 'no he's mine' in reply to a friends post!!!!!!!!!! Now i'd happily smile and thank her for taking him off my hands-if she'd ever come near me lol!!! in almost 2 years she's never once come near, to the extent of waiting aroud the corner if she's with him when he collects the kids!

Hun you deserve someone who is yours completely, free to be with you all the time, not someone who only has the odd few hours for you a couple of times a month. You only get one life, dont waste it by being second best in someones life!!! I hope everything works out for you xx

a1969baby

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

There is only one honest course of action open to the OP.

The man is not free to have a relationship with her. He has made a legally binding promise to another woman. Until such time as he is no longer legally bound to someone else, there is no room for any sort of 'relationship'.

If he's too spineless to break off their affair, then she should.

Is marriage actually legally binding? Genuine question!

euronorris

a1969baby wrote: »

Is marriage actually legally binding? Genuine question!

Parts of it are, I guess. Hence the reason for divorce, and split of assets, and maintenance payments etcetc.

But, in terms of love and affection, no not really......That may be what the peice of paper says, but people's emotions aren't controlled by peices of paper.

Errata

A marriage is a legal contract, sometimes made with certain vows, sometimes not, all and any of which can be broken by a spouse dependent on their moral compass.

POPPYOSCAR

a1969baby wrote: »

Is marriage actually legally binding? Genuine question!

I think that is a very good question.

I doubt a lot of people who get married see it in those terms.

Perhaps there should be some sort of 'classes' you should have to go to before you can get married explaining the legality of it all.

After all, it might be a 'contract' but there are not any actual 'penalty' clauses as such for those that want to extract themselves from the contract.