Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Lotus-eater

gonzo127 wrote: »

"we do have a future together as i love you so much/more than you can know, and really want to be with you, however i cant leave my wife at the moment because....."

The kids schooling is at an important stage

purpletoenails

Elle7 wrote: »

I just get the feeling that having had two weeks to think about this, he'll have spent more time coming up with persuasive excuses for you rather then actually considering leaving his wife. He won't make it easy for you to walk away...he'll tell you he will leave soon, that he loves both of you, that he's torn, that he just can't choose. Maybe it'll be the kids, or an anniversary, or his wife is just too fragile at the moment. Will you definitely walk if he won't leave her? That's the obvious choice, and the admirable one, but it wil take some strength to ignore his excuses.

Yes I guess that will be my only option, I can't carry on being in the situation I'm in forever.

purpletoenails

Lotus-eater wrote: »

Have you never discussed what the future might hold? It must be the strangest relationship ever, if so.

Well we've discussed things we're going to do or see, or places we want to visit together. It is very hard to discuss the future with someone if you don't know that there is going to be a future with them.

Lotus-eater

I know someone who was in your exact situation, from what I have read, absolutely exact. She did it twice, one after the other, both were very decent guys, very decent indeed, honest, upright, nice blokes. Neither left their wives, in the end she gave up, yet for the first year or so of each, she spoke exactly as you do, bringing up the same excuses for him, the same feelings. The same empty places at her family get togethers, stolen moments, the same lonely Christmases, the same feeling that he loved her and it would all sort itself out.

Eventually she went out and found someone who was divorced and single. Much happier now and she has a good relationship with his kids, something you could never do at present.

Lotus-eater

purpletoenails wrote: »

Well we've discussed things we're going to do or see, or places we want to visit together. It is very hard to discuss the future with someone if you don't know that there is going to be a future with them.

You've never asked him if he is planning to leave his wife for you? Amazing, he must be well chuffed to have met you.

purpletoenails

Lotus-eater wrote: »

You've never asked him if he is planning to leave his wife for you? Amazing, he must be well chuffed to have met you. Yes I'm sure he was

It might have taken a while, but I am getting round to it now. It probably would have been a lot quicker if we saw each other a couple of times a week rather than a couple of times a month.

Pollycat

purpletoenails wrote: »

It might have taken a while, but I am getting round to it now. It probably would have been a lot quicker if we saw each other a couple of times a week rather than a couple of times a month.

I just wondered if you think you really know him well enough to want a future with him?

I'm not sure if you've said earlier (it's a long thread) but have you even spent a night together?

Snatching a few hours together every two or so weeks isn't (imho) a good basis to plan a life together and to expect him to leave his wife of years.

I remember reading a post about somebody in a similar situation who, after living with the guy she'd had an affair with for a short time, decided he wasn't actually that good a catch.

I can't help feeling that the best thing for you would be if he chose to stay with his wife.
It would leave you free to find someone who wasn't already in a relationship.

purpletoenails

Pollycat wrote: »

I just wondered if you think you really know him well enough to want a future with him?

I'm not sure if you've said earlier (it's a long thread) but have you even spent a night together?

Snatching a few hours together every two or so weeks isn't (imho) a good basis to plan a life together and to expect him to leave his wife of years.

I remember reading a post about somebody in a similar situation who, after living with the guy she'd had an affair with for a short time, decided he wasn't actually that good a catch.

I can't help feeling that the best thing for you would be if he chose to stay with his wife.
It would leave you free to find someone who wasn't already in a relationship.

I think I know him pretty well, or as well as I can under the circumstances and no I've never spent a night with him.

lostinrates

gonzo127 wrote: »

oh can we do sweep stake on the end of this sentance

"we do have a future together as i love you so much/more than you can know, and really want to be with you, however i cant leave my wife at the moment because....."

Much as I'm very curious too I have to admit I hope OP doesn't give the final update here.

Pollycat

purpletoenails wrote: »

I think I know him pretty well, or as well as I can under the circumstances and no I've never spent a night with him.

That's the thing though - knowing somebody well enough 'under the circumstances' doesn't necessarily guarantee a life of happiness.

Aren't you worried that he'll choose to leave his wife, commit to you and it won't be the idyllic life you've briefly snatched together so far - and you'll both have regrets?