Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Bogof_Babe

Lotus-eater wrote: »

That's not the point is it?

The point, is that the way some people live is acceptable to them, doesn't matter what everyone else thinks.
I've known people that are swingers or that are happy for their OH to have liaisons with others for whatever reason. The marriage works for them.

I see you got a thanks from the OP for this. So in her case, perhaps her man friend (can't think what to call him) and his wife are quite happy with this set-up, in which case the OP isn't going to get her "happy ending".

Even if just the man friend but not his wife views his marriage this way, she still isn't going to is she? It seems she is in a lose lose situation. At least I assume being the eternal "other woman" is not her life's ambition, as her posts would lead us to believe.

Lotus-eater

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

I see you got a thanks from the OP for this. So in her case, perhaps her man friend (can't think what to call him) and his wife are quite happy with this set-up, in which case the OP isn't going to get her "happy ending".

Even if just the man friend but not his wife views his marriage this way, she still isn't going to is she? It seems she is in a lose lose situation. At least I assume being the eternal "other woman" is not her life's ambition, as her posts would lead us to believe.

I don't know, you're taking a bit of a leap into the unknown here, constructing a whole theory on nothing.

If his wife does know, he hasn't told the OP, so he's been lying to her. It's not impossible, but women that allow their OH to sleep with other women aren't exactly easy to find and to have a relationship with someone, even scarcer.

purpletoenails

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

I see you got a thanks from the OP for this. So in her case, perhaps her man friend (can't think what to call him) I never know what to call him either and his wife are quite happy with this set-up, in which case the OP isn't going to get her "happy ending".

Even if just the man friend but not his wife views his marriage this way, she still isn't going to is she? It seems she is in a lose lose situation. At least I assume being the eternal "other woman" is not her life's ambition No it's not as her posts would lead us to believe.

I was just thanking Lotus - eater because I thought it was a good post.

Elle7

Have you thought any more about what you are going to do?

You'll be much stronger in your own mind if you make up your mind what you want, and exactly what that means, before you see him again.

purpletoenails

nickyhutch wrote: »

Heck, what vicious comments.

OP - you know my feelings on your predicament. You have to choose between getting the hell out, hanging on in, or giving him a deadline.

As nickyhutch said yesterday those are pretty much the 3 options I have to choose from. I'm not keen on giving him an ultimatum/deadline. If you remember, I asked him last time I saw him if he could think about and come to a decision about how he saw our future together - whether I walk away or not will depend on what he says. I appreciate that is a bit of a 'woolly' answer, decision making has never been my strong point, but I still have a week to go until I see him.

Lotus-eater

I think in all honesty, you should decide, not him. He is in control of your life, if he is anything like 90% of most blokes, he knows this and will take some sort of advantage of the situation.
You need to know what you want.

Elle7

I just get the feeling that having had two weeks to think about this, he'll have spent more time coming up with persuasive excuses for you rather then actually considering leaving his wife. He won't make it easy for you to walk away...he'll tell you he will leave soon, that he loves both of you, that he's torn, that he just can't choose. Maybe it'll be the kids, or an anniversary, or his wife is just too fragile at the moment. Will you definitely walk if he won't leave her? That's the obvious choice, and the admirable one, but it wil take some strength to ignore his excuses.

purpletoenails

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I think in all honesty, you should decide, not him. He is in control of your life, if he is anything like 90% of most blokes, he knows this and will take some sort of advantage of the situation.
You need to know what you want.

I absolutely know what you are saying and can understand why you are saying it. It's just the thought of giving an ultimatum to anyone in order to get what I want just doesn't sit right. I would rather hear from him if he see's us ever having a proper future together - if he doesn't then I will know where I stand and can make my own decision as to whether I want to continue the relationship.

Lotus-eater

Have you never discussed what the future might hold? It must be the strangest relationship ever, if so.

gonzo127

oh can we do sweep stake on the end of this sentance

"we do have a future together as i love you so much/more than you can know, and really want to be with you, however i cant leave my wife at the moment because....."