Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

nicechap

mandi wrote: »

And another classic post from you TT . " hint" it takes two people

So true, classic advice from someone who is in a 10 year sexless relationship, and incapable of talking about feelings face to face.

tinktinktinkerbell

nickyhutch wrote: »

Does your "friend" know you harbour such nasty thoughts? Why are you still her "friend" if you have no respect for her and think she's "horrible"?

didnt read my post properly then, i said i HAD a friend like that

nickyhutch

tinktinktinkerbell wrote: »

didnt read my post properly then, i said i HAD a friend like that

I'm not doing this on this thread. This thread isn't about you - someone has asked for specific advice about something you have no experience of. If you want to start a general discussion about affairs, go ahead in the Arms or Discussion Time and I'll happily debate all day with you.

You're not being fair to the OP.

tinktinktinkerbell

nickyhutch wrote: »

I'm not doing this on this thread. This thread isn't about you - someone has asked for specific advice about something you have no experience of. If you want to start a general discussion about affairs, go ahead in the Arms or Discussion Time and I'll happily debate all day with you.

You're not being fair to the OP.

stop quoting me then if you dont want to continue it

i have the right to have my say

itsalittlebitfunny****

i felt compelled to join this site just to give you my experience. I started having an affair with a married man when i was 18, very young and naieve. I adored him to the point of obbsessive, i thought he did too, he had been married for 10 years and had 2 children, and he gave me every excuse under the sun why he couldnt tell his wife. He then brainwashed me into beleiving that she hadnt done anything wrong so why should she be punished. any way cut a long story short we have been together 12 years and he got divorced this year, only after separating from his wife 2 years ago(he had to move 60 miles away for our business) but still keeping her financially and only telling her he was seeing someone else when she found a new boyfriend. There is alot more to my story to this but it would p me off if i had to explain how stupid and gullable i was lol. He still feels guilty for what he did, even though he didnt tell her he was having an affair so he still feels he should help her financially(with my money) even though she has a new partner and the children dont live with her.I even have to not speak in the background when he is on the phone to her. So my advice would be to leave it where it is and dont look back as you will always have his ex wife in your life some how, i just wish id taken my familys advice 12 years ago and dumped him, but heyho when your 18 you know it all.

Pollycat

itsalittlebitfunny
you've mentioned some downsides to your relationship but haven't really said if you're happy with your partner.
If you wished you'd dumped him 12 years ago, why can't you do it now?

Why do you allow him to give his ex wife your money?

You mention 'our business' - does he take money out of the business to pay his ex-wife? Is that what you mean about 'your money'?

Do you share the household expenses?
Why do you not speak when he's on the phone to her?

Do you see your relationship continuing exactly as it is for the next 40 years?
And will you be content with that if it does?

VestanPance

The don't worry it'll work out, you'll meet someone and be happy after being betrayed and left badly scared menatlly is what the moralless betrayers and cretains that hook up with them like to tell themselves to make themself feel better over their vile actions.

Plans_all_plans

itsalittlebitfunny**** wrote: »

i felt compelled to join this site just to give you my experience. I started having an affair with a married man when i was 18, very young and naieve. I adored him to the point of obbsessive, i thought he did too, he had been married for 10 years and had 2 children, and he gave me every excuse under the sun why he couldnt tell his wife. He then brainwashed me into beleiving that she hadnt done anything wrong so why should she be punished. any way cut a long story short we have been together 12 years and he got divorced this year, only after separating from his wife 2 years ago(he had to move 60 miles away for our business) but still keeping her financially and only telling her he was seeing someone else when she found a new boyfriend. There is alot more to my story to this but it would p me off if i had to explain how stupid and gullable i was lol. He still feels guilty for what he did, even though he didnt tell her he was having an affair so he still feels he should help her financially(with my money) even though she has a new partner and the children dont live with her.I even have to not speak in the background when he is on the phone to her. So my advice would be to leave it where it is and dont look back as you will always have his ex wife in your life some how, i just wish id taken my familys advice 12 years ago and dumped him, but heyho when your 18 you know it all.

I still think you're being gullible I'm afraid. I'm not sure you're getting the whole truth even now and from what you've said I'm concerned that there is another woman somewhere: whether it's his (supposedly) ex wife or someone else that he's giving the money to, I'm not sure though.

clearingout

itsalittlebitfunny**** wrote: »

i felt compelled to join this site just to give you my experience. I started having an affair with a married man when i was 18, very young and naieve. I adored him to the point of obbsessive, i thought he did too, he had been married for 10 years and had 2 children, and he gave me every excuse under the sun why he couldnt tell his wife. He then brainwashed me into beleiving that she hadnt done anything wrong so why should she be punished. any way cut a long story short we have been together 12 years and he got divorced this year, only after separating from his wife 2 years ago(he had to move 60 miles away for our business) but still keeping her financially and only telling her he was seeing someone else when she found a new boyfriend. There is alot more to my story to this but it would p me off if i had to explain how stupid and gullable i was lol. He still feels guilty for what he did, even though he didnt tell her he was having an affair so he still feels he should help her financially(with my money) even though she has a new partner and the children dont live with her.I even have to not speak in the background when he is on the phone to her. So my advice would be to leave it where it is and dont look back as you will always have his ex wife in your life some how, i just wish id taken my familys advice 12 years ago and dumped him, but heyho when your 18 you know it all.

classic! this is what my ex did - and still does, 2 1/2 years after leaving me - pretends she doesn't exist. Now, I have been as reasonable as I can be, I might have shouted a lot, I might have cried and I'm sure as hell I made him feel uncomfortable with my emotions and their general outpourings in the early days. But what I did do, as soon as I realised what was going on, was step back and leave him to it (to the point earlier this year I was asked 'why didn't you fight for me?' ...hmmm....why,indeed?!). Neither of them had any reason to fear me, no reason whatsoever to lie as we all knew what was happening - my children could tell me exactly where she was sleeping when they stayed at daddy's house and it wasn't on the sofa as he would have had me believe! She wasn't even allowed to answer the phone in the house she lived in. If she was in the car with him when he dropped the children off, she was left in the car, hidden behind the hedge (by contrast, if she wasn't in the car, he parked over the driveway).

I suspect she tells herself he's a decent kind of guy and doesn't want to rub my nose in it. I suggest if that's the case, he'd have been honest at the outset (without going into detail) and he'd have been decent and respectful and he'd have done everything he could to make sure that I was OK ('cos I was pregnant, after all.....) and that the children were OK. He never has. In fact, a recent solicitor's letter from him states that he is living with his mother in a bid to pull the wool over my eyes that he isn't living with the 'other woman'. Let's just say hell would have to freeze over before he did that, and then thaw out and freeze again.....

Seriously, where's your self-respect?

purpletoenails

VestanPance wrote: »

The don't worry it'll work out, you'll meet someone and be happy after being betrayed and left badly scared menatlly is what the moralless betrayers and cretains that hook up with them like to tell themselves to make themself feel better over their vile actions.

That was a helpful and articulate post, thanks