Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

mandi

dianetheartist wrote: »

I'm reading a book at the moment called Getting Rid Of Matthew by Jane Fallon--its about a mistress of a married man--he eventually leaves his wife for his much younger mistress--and when he does the mistress(who has never spent a whole night with him--just stolen moments really) realises that he isnt what she thought-and she hates the way he does everything--including breathing lol!:rotfl: Ive only read 12 chapters so far but would recommend that the OP gets a copy and has a read of it. Its well written and funny-but will ring a few bells I think.

I agree diane its a brilliant book. Very funny but so true :D

I think if I was still having my affair I would have bashed him over the head with it :whistle:



Edit . Just for the record I was married too . I regret it but it happened . I can't rewind although I sometimes wish I could .:o

mandi

tinktinktinkerbell wrote: »

i have no respect for home wreckers and horrible women who go with other peopled blokes

i had a friend who was with a engaged man, shes now engaged to him and i really hope he gives her a dose of her own medicine

And another classic post from you TT . " hint" it takes two people

nickyhutch

tinktinktinkerbell wrote: »

he doesnt love you, if he did you wouldnt be his bit on the side you can't know that.

i have no respect for home wreckers oh, dear, I'm gutted. and horrible women nice people do horrible things - doesn't make us horrible people who go with other peopled blokes

i had a friend who was with a engaged man, shes now engaged to him and i really hope he gives her a dose of her own medicine

Does your "friend" know you harbour such nasty thoughts? Why are you still her "friend" if you have no respect for her and think she's "horrible"?

Pollycat

Don't concern yourselves with tinktinktinkerbell's vitriolic post - she's lost her way to the Arms or Discussion Time boards. :cool:

Mandi has TTTB bang to rights.

cazziebo

clearingout wrote: »

I think that's a rose-tinted spectacles response. I am not sure I will ever be glad my ex had an affair and left me. I may well find my prince charming somewhere along the way and be happy within a new relationship. But I'm not sure it's possible to be 'happy' about what my ex did to me, the way he did it, the names I was called, the abuse he threw at me, the abuse the children witnessed, his attempts to ruining me financially and trying to make me homeless. I can put it aside, yes. I can rationalise it as the behaviour of someone who was as equally frightened for his future as I was and was, in a mis-guided kind of way -fighting for what he believed was right. But be happy about it? Make it into a happy ending? I don't see it!

When you realise your life as you know it is a total sham, that you have been lied to, that you were gullible, that at least two people enjoyed lying to you and were probably laughing at your stupidity behind your back....it changes you. I would say that before this I was a trusting person, that I sought to see the good in people generally, that I waited to be proven wrong rather than assuming someone was 'bad' or doing something 'bad'. I am not sure I will ever really trust anyone again. And that is potentially a problem in new relationships.

My ex's betrayal has left an enormous scar on my life - and it's healing, slowly. Sometimes it really, really itches and it upsets me 'cos although it represents a part of my life that I have dealt with (very well, I believe!) and is a part of me and my experiences and everything which makes me who I am today, it's a scar I'd rather not have. I'm not proud of it. I don't look at it and think 'yeah! I survived! go me!'. I just feel incredibly sad and miserable for my children that they come from a broken home. So many people say they are 'glad' that at least their children came out of their marriage but I don't feel like that - my ex was having an affair from not long after our first child was born which means I had two more children with him unnecessarily. If he'd done the decent thing and left then, I'd have had a chance of happiness and more children with someone who loved and respected me. As a result of my age, I won't be having more children and I find that dreadfully upsetting for my future - that I can't have children with any new love in my life. lI feel robbed of a real, loving and stable family life for me, let alone my children.

My ex and his girlfriend may well have a happy ending as a result of their affair. But I won't, and neither will 3 children.

Clearing out - I know exactly what you mean when you say it's a scar you'd rather not have. But believe me, there will come a time that the scar becomes part of who you are and you will love that you. I was in a similar situation. My ex was having an affair whilst I was pregnant with DD2. I was absolutely devastated when he left when she was 5 months old - I hadn't seen it coming, thought we were quite happy, trusted him completely. I was disgusted at myself for being so stupid.

Fast forward 20 years, and I believe I and my two daughters have benefitted from a "real loving and stable family life", probably more so than many two parent families. We had some great times, wonderful holidays, cash was always tight but we just had such fun. No grumpy men to worry about, no football to work around, no other adult to consider when it came to big decisions.

All you have done is to trust someone too much, which is actually a very commendable quality. Don't let this eat away at you.

I get on really well with my ex now. He is a big part of his daughters' lives. I can't take away that he has been a good father and I do respect how much he loves our children. I'll never forgive him for breaking that trust and actually quite despise how weak he was in that he never once had the guts to say he wasn't happy, he just ran away. I can still remember the pain, the serious depression that lasted two years, the inability to function. I would never, ever be the cause of that pain to another woman, and have no respect for those that do, whether that's the spouse or the "other".

I'd rather it hadn't happened, but it did. I know I love my life now. I have a great job, very good relationship with my daughters, much closer to my family than I might have been, travelled far more than I probably would have, studied for two Masters' degrees, been able to live my life the way I want. I've now met someone after being single for 14 years but that was probably my choice (can't pretend I've been an absolute angel in these 14 years :A ! but no serious relationships)

You make the happy ending.

gonzo127

clearingout wrote: »

I think that's a rose-tinted spectacles response. I am not sure I will ever be glad my ex had an affair and left me. I may well find my prince charming somewhere along the way and be happy within a new relationship. But I'm not sure it's possible to be 'happy' about what my ex did to me, the way he did it, the names I was called, the abuse he threw at me, the abuse the children witnessed, his attempts to ruining me financially and trying to make me homeless. I can put it aside, yes. I can rationalise it as the behaviour of someone who was as equally frightened for his future as I was and was, in a mis-guided kind of way -fighting for what he believed was right. But be happy about it? Make it into a happy ending? I don't see it!

When you realise your life as you know it is a total sham, that you have been lied to, that you were gullible, that at least two people enjoyed lying to you and were probably laughing at your stupidity behind your back....it changes you. I would say that before this I was a trusting person, that I sought to see the good in people generally, that I waited to be proven wrong rather than assuming someone was 'bad' or doing something 'bad'. I am not sure I will ever really trust anyone again. And that is potentially a problem in new relationships.

My ex's betrayal has left an enormous scar on my life - and it's healing, slowly. Sometimes it really, really itches and it upsets me 'cos although it represents a part of my life that I have dealt with (very well, I believe!) and is a part of me and my experiences and everything which makes me who I am today, it's a scar I'd rather not have. I'm not proud of it. I don't look at it and think 'yeah! I survived! go me!'. I just feel incredibly sad and miserable for my children that they come from a broken home. So many people say they are 'glad' that at least their children came out of their marriage but I don't feel like that - my ex was having an affair from not long after our first child was born which means I had two more children with him unnecessarily. If he'd done the decent thing and left then, I'd have had a chance of happiness and more children with someone who loved and respected me. As a result of my age, I won't be having more children and I find that dreadfully upsetting for my future - that I can't have children with any new love in my life. lI feel robbed of a real, loving and stable family life for me, let alone my children.

My ex and his girlfriend may well have a happy ending as a result of their affair. But I won't, and neither will 3 children.

hey clearingout - highlighted bit is not a garentee

look at my wife, her husband had an affair and he left her and their 2 children to be with his new love, she was devistated, children where upset, she actually had an abortion as she was pregnant with his child which of course added salt to the wounds and made everything even harder to cope with

now fast forward 11 years

the ex and his new love have split as she had another affair and has left him for her new love, who has in turn dumped her.

the children hardly see their dad through their own choice - up until the age that they could make a informed choice (~11) they stayed with their dad at least once every 2 weeks for the weekend now at ages 19 and 14 they might see him once every 3-4 months for a few hours if that

the ex is now having to move home as he can no longer afford to live in the house him and his (now) ex shared

my wife - well not to shocking but has remarried to her toy boy (me)

has actually had another child with me (she was 40 when she had her), who in turn has wrapped the entire family around her little fingar, both her previous children love her to bits

has managed to stop work to look after little one, but also in doing so has been retraining so when she goes back to work it will be to do something she wants to instead of what she had to

really our family is happy, lots of laughter and fun

and her ex, well he is just starting to pick up the pieces of his life and seems to have realised that now, he not only doesnt have a partner, but also doesnt have any realationship with his children and is currently alone

Lunar_Eclipse

nickyhutch wrote: »

Once again with feeling - I believe affairs are inherently wrong, but that circumstances sometimes mean that they happen, and that a person shouldn't be vilified by stranges and society in general without them knowing the full facts about what's gone on with in the relationship.

And yes, I believe murder is wrong, but if someone was trying to kill me, and the only way I could stop them was to murder them, then yes I would.

Good. That's made me really happy.

And the last bit also made me laugh!

1echidna

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Good. That's made me really happy.

And the last bit also made me laugh!

As a largely amoral person, I don't normally believe in right or wrong, these things happen.

a1969baby

tinktinktinkerbell wrote: »

he doesnt love you, if he did you wouldnt be his bit on the side - How do you know he doesn't love her? There could be various reasons why he hasn't left his wife

i have no respect for home wreckers and horrible women who go with other peopled blokes - How do you know the OP is a 'horrible woman'? It does take two to tango and I'm sure he could say no if he wasn't also interested in pursuing this relationship

i had a friend who was with a engaged man, shes now engaged to him and i really hope he gives her a dose of her own medicine

I feel quite glad I'm not your friend!

nickyhutch

Lunar_Eclipse wrote: »

Good. That's made me really happy.

And the last bit also made me laugh!

Very pleased for you.