Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Person_one

nickyhutch wrote: »

Again, your opinion, one I don't agree with. Her happiness (remember, she was at it herself) was not my responsibility.

Well technically, nobody else's happiness is our responsibility unless they are our children or we are married to them, I don't think that makes it ok to go through life with a complete disregard for other people's feelings.

londoner1998

Person_one wrote: »

Hmm, I'm fairly liberal regarding relationships, as long as all parties are aware and consenting you can do what you want for me.

However, I was brought up to believe that its wrong to knowingly hurt others when its at all avoidable, so I have to say that adultery is always wrong I'm afraid.

I am with Person_one. Adultery is failing a commitement that two parties entered into voluntarily... and which can also be dissolved legally, leaving these two parties free to indulge in whatever nbehaviour they want to with as many people as they want to (among consenting adults, of course)

NickyHutch, of course not everyone will agree on this and I am happy to agree to disagree, but the fundamental truth is that affairs, more often than not are not worth the pain and disarray they cause. Human beings are not perfect , but that is not an excuse to admit that some actions are inherently wrong. I have heard children say 'but I am not perfect' when they know they shouldn't have done something, but adults resorting to that doesn't wash... it is not a 'I don't want to admit I am wrong'

londoner1998

nickyhutch wrote: »

Again, your opinion, one I don't agree with. Her happiness (remember, she was at it herself) was not my responsibility.

I am afraid it is our responsbility as human beings not to contribute knowingly to harmful or destructive behaviour: that includes others as well as ourselves . The 'it is not my problem' attitude is probably why, as society, we are finding ourselves in so much trouble. We are responsible for our own actions

poet123

nickyhutch wrote: »

.............

And is being selfish not a weakness? It is certainly not a strength.

nickyhutch

Person_one wrote: »

Well technically, nobody else's happiness is our responsibility unless they are our children or we are married to them, I don't think that makes it ok to go through life with a complete disregard for other people's feelings.

*sigh*

I DON'T go through life with a complete disregard for other people's feelings. You'd be surprised - but I don't need to justify myself to you. Can you not accept that some people have different opinions/feelings than you?

nickyhutch

poet123 wrote: »

And is being selfish not a weakness? It is certainly not a strength.

Being selfish is just something that most people (bar perfect people of course) are at some point in their lives.

By the by, why do you see being weak something to criticise? It's just what some people are. Would you call a woman who is beaten by her husband but wont leave "weak"? Would you call an alcoholic "weak"? someone who want stand up to a bully? It's not a sin to be weak.

nickyhutch

londoner1998 wrote: »

I am afraid it is our responsbility as human beings not to contribute knowingly to harmful or destructive behaviour: that includes others as well as ourselves . The 'it is not my problem' attitude is probably why, as society, we are finding ourselves in so much trouble. We are responsible for our own actions

So when I'm walking round a city centre and see homeless people begging, should I not give them money, because I'm contributing to harmful or destructive behaviour (alcohol and drugs)?

viktory

nickyhutch wrote: »

When I was having an affair with my now OH, it wasn't me who was hurting his wife - he had made the promises to her, not me.

Loving your self serving bollox! If it makes you feel better, keep telling yourself that.

nickyhutch

viktory wrote: »

Loving your self serving bollox! If it makes you feel better, keep telling yourself that.

I don't need to make myself fell better - I'm fine, thanks

clearingout

nickyhutch wrote: »

Again, your opinion, one I don't agree with. Her happiness (remember, she was at it herself) was not my responsibility.

two wrongs don't make a right, to quote a cliche!

You are right, you are of course responsible for your own actions and ultimately, your own happiness. The other woman in my situation owes me nothing. I do actually accept that.

But what YOU have to accept, as a person who was 'happy' to cheat and be involved in the breakdown of a marriage, is that for some of us, that is heart breaking experience, it is utterly, utterly humilliating. It is the worst pain you can possibly imagine, magnified a hundred times over with cream and cherries on the top. Realising you have been betrayed, that some of your friends and people you believed to be your family were involved (in some cases), that you were the last to know, that the other person is now taking your place at summer bbqs and your former friends and accquaintances probably think he/she is quite a nice person. It is everything you ever were, wanted and needed dumped at the side of a road and driven over by 1000 tractors to make sure it is totally dead.

Some people, dust themselves off and 'get over it' quickly. Most of us have medium term issues with it but recognise we're better off, that things weren't what we though they were and we deserve better. Others never get over it - I have two good friends entering their old age who, after 30 years plus of marriage have had to endure the loss of everything whilst their husbands prance about with women 30 years their junior. They don't get to grow old with the person they loved, in the home they had raised their children in. Many of us are left in poverty, dependent on the welfare state to feed and clothe our children whilst our ex's go scott free, holidaying 4 times a year in the sun.

As someone who has had an affair, you MUST take responsiblity, surely, for acknowledging your selfishness at pursusing your dreams over someone else's? Affairs don't always happen because relationships are unhappy, they happen because people get sucked in, because the sneaking about is addictive and exciting, because sleeping with someone new after 2, 5, 10 or 30 years offers something a bit different.