Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

POPPYOSCAR

Youdontseeme wrote: »

Very true!

I have held myself back from posting on this thread for two reasons:
1) God, you lot are judgemental
2) There but for the grace of god


I met a bloke, fell head over heels, he was attentive, funny, generous, tall, loaded, and interested in me!!
WooHooo I couldn’t believe my luck. 6 weeks later he “confessed” he was married, but I didn’t get the she doesn’t under me guff, I got the she doesn’t “fulfil me like you do” and by this time I was head over heels so I went along with it.
I justified it to my friends, “its not all sex we go the pictures, we see plays, he talk, we don’t have to have sex all the time he is my friend” bla la blaaaa, which was true. This went on for 3 (Three, count them!!) years.
Until he left his wife for the other women he was seeing, I still don’t know if it’s because his wife found out about her (or maybe me!) and kicked him out, (but I would put £10K on it).
So not only did I come 2nd to his wife, but was behind his 2 kids so that’s 4th and the other bit on the side 5th! I was 5th place in his life!! And now I question that, perhaps the dog came after me..

Since him, I haven’t had a relationship, on one hand he gave me such high expectations, on the other I cant trust men (or people in general come to that) because I never thought I was that gullible. Now I question every decision I make. I am usually very perceptive, I can spot losers with my friend’s blokes at 3 paces, but I was totally taken in, and left heat broken. He still calls, I think just to check if I have forgiven him, I haven’t.

[FONT=&quot]Walk away now, if he does love you he will follow, if he doesn’t then you know[/FONT]

Not all of us on here are.

gratefulforhelp_2

Youdontseeme wrote: »

I have held myself back from posting on this thread for two reasons:
1) God, you lot are judgemental

Someone posting about their adultery and potential role in breaking up a family has surely to realise that quite a lot of people believe adultery to be wrong.

A person to whom that comes as a surprise must surely have part of their education or upbringing missing?

1echidna

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Someone posting about their adultery and potential role in breaking up a family has surely to realise that quite a lot of people believe adultery to be wrong.

A person to whom that comes as a surprise must surely have part of their education or upbringing missing?

I would hope that society now shows more maturity than to think that a punishment such as ostracism is appropriate.

poet123

I don't think anyone mentioned ostracism. Is it judgmental to believe adultery is wrong? or is it just a fact that those who indulge like to use that card to try to normalise their actions?

nickyhutch

poet123 wrote: »

I don't think anyone mentioned ostracism. Is it judgmental to believe adultery is wrong? or is it just a fact that those who indulge like to use that card to try to normalise their actions?

I think it's judgmental to think that EVERY instance of adultery is wrong, without hearing the background to what's been going on.

poet123

nickyhutch wrote: »

I think it's judgmental to think that EVERY instance of adultery is wrong, without hearing the background to what's been going on.

I disagree, there are not degrees of right or wrong, there are excuses, there may even be mittigating circumstances, but ultimately, it is still wrong.

1echidna

poet123 wrote: »

I don't think anyone mentioned ostracism. Is it judgmental to believe adultery is wrong? or is it just a fact that those who indulge like to use that card to try to normalise their actions?

Don't I count as anyone?

poet123

1echidna wrote: »

Don't I count as anyone?

Have you been ostracised? or am I missing the point?

1echidna

poet123 wrote: »

Have you been ostracised? or am I missing the point?

You miss the point but no matter, it wasn't an important one. If people like to reach verdicts on other people so be it. Its not for me unless there are good reasons, as I think people should be as autonomous as possible.

londoner1998

I don;t think people here are being judgemental- I was one taking part in an affair (I was the Other Woman) and I still think it is wrong. So there- is that judgemental? it is not about whether we are judgemental or not- It is about a person coming here asking for opinions about her situation and people from all walks of life giving that opinion. Not every one will like what others say, but the key word here is respect. So , please respect other opinions.
It seems to me that the person calling some of us judgemental is the one passing judgement... The whole point is the help the OP, the rest doesn't really matter...