Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

nickyhutch

Person_one wrote: »

Hmm, I'm fairly liberal regarding relationships, as long as all parties are aware and consenting you can do what you want for me.

However, I was brought up to believe that its wrong to knowingly hurt others when its at all avoidable, so I have to say that adultery is always wrong I'm afraid.

Again, it's your opinion to which you're perfectly entitled and one which I would not try to change. I'm not defending my opinion, just stating it.

Person_one

nickyhutch wrote: »

Again, it's your opinion to which you're perfectly entitled and one which I would not try to change. I'm not defending my opinion, just stating it.

What are your parameters for right and wrong then? I always thought 'don't hurt people' was as close to a universally acknowledged 'wrong' as you can get.

nickyhutch

Person_one wrote: »

What are your parameters for right and wrong then? I always thought 'don't hurt people' was as close to a universally acknowledged 'wrong' as you can get.

That's a big question. More blurred/forgiving than yours, obviously. Just because I don't agree with you on this one thing, doesn't mean i can't make good judgements about what's right and wrong.

nickyhutch

When I was having an affair with my now OH, it wasn't me who was hurting his wife - he had made the promises to her, not me.

poet123

nickyhutch wrote: »

It may not be that they "cannot reign themselves in" - maybe they don't want to reign themselves in. It's not necessarily a weakness.

To want to go ahead with an action which will knowingly hurt someone else when there is a alternative (albeit one which may be harder)is a weakness

1echidna wrote: »

Autonomy is what stops the world stagnating. One of the most important industrial process on the planet was developed by Sohio in the face of its major rival saying that they would hear the bang of the plant exploding from their location on the other side of Lake Michigan. Don't knock the value of people being autonomous to reach their own judgement on a situation only they know well.

I don't think you can equate the two kinds of autonomy though. In business there are winners and losers and all sides know the score. In marriage both parties start out expecting fidelity fro the other, when one party fails to live up to that standard that is not something the wronged party would expect. It is introducing another dimension that was not previously there.

Person_one wrote: »

What are your parameters for right and wrong then? I always thought 'don't hurt people' was as close to a universally acknowledged 'wrong' as you can get.

It would seem that way to me too.

nickyhutch

poet123 wrote: »

To want to go ahead with an action which will knowingly hurt someone else when there is a alternative (albeit one which may be harder)is a weakness In your opinion. i consider it may be selfish, but not weak.

.............

Person_one

nickyhutch wrote: »

That's a big question. More blurred/forgiving than yours, obviously. Just because I don't agree with you on this one thing, doesn't mean i can't make good judgements about what's right and wrong.

Or possibly more selfish.

I didn't say I wasn't forgiving, I can forgive lots of things if someone is sorry for them, but still feel that they are wrong.

nickyhutch

That's fair enough.

Person_one

nickyhutch wrote: »

When I was having an affair with my now OH, it wasn't me who was hurting his wife - he had made the promises to her, not me.

This defence is used a lot.

You are enabling the husband, you don't have to be a part of it but you are making yourself part of a situation where somebody is being deceived and will end up hurt. The only time the 'other woman' is completely blameless is when she is being lied to and believe the man is single, then there are two victims.

nickyhutch

Person_one wrote: »

This defence is used a lot.

You are enabling the husband, you don't have to be a part of it but you are making yourself part of a situation where somebody is being deceived and will end up hurt. The only time the 'other woman' is completely blameless is when she is being lied to and believe the man is single, then there are two victims.

Again, your opinion, one I don't agree with. Her happiness (remember, she was at it herself) was not my responsibility.