Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

purpletoenails

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

So is it just your assumption that he has a terrible home life? It can't be that bad or he would have done something about it before now.

I agree actually. I don't think he is especially happy but he tolerates it for a variety of reasons, particularly as there are children involved.

BitterAndTwisted

Can an affair ever have a happy ending? Well, sometimes it can but not for all the parties concerned. You are being fed crumbs from someone else's table. I suspect that should you ever press the issue and expect a change in this relationship you will find yourself alone. Someone very close to me was in a similar situation for a long time and she's now divorced and living on her own. That is not what she expected to happen and was not what she was promised when she separated from her husband. He's still playing happy families in what was alleged to have been a loveless and sexless marriage. I'm not-so-secretly hoping that it is.

purpletoenails

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Have you ever had a proper relationship with someone who was free to commit to you? Purely for comparison with what little crumb you have now. I'm sure you have, so wasn't that far preferable? Or maybe it's you enjoying the thrill of the forbidden too?

Yes I've had several long term relationships, including being married when I was much younger. Next one was a liar, a gambler and violent, last one just wasn't right for me (they were all single when I met them) I'm not enjoying the thrill of the forbidden - I don't get a buzz from it at all. I would like to be able to see him/speak to him when I feel like it, go do 'normal' stuff with him.

Unfortunately that 'little crumb' is very hard to resist.

londoner1998

purpletoenails wrote: »

I understand what you are saying, but why would he be playing away if he was perfectly happy already?

For what its worth, he doesn't always make a big point of telling me things are bad at home, I don't tend to ask either.

OP, please stop giving yourself excuses- I heard that one too. For an asnwer, refer to Bogof-Babe's post: some individuals have difficulty growing up and accepting their responsibilities. And that includes a marriage, with or without difficulties. So one of the ways in which they deal with the situation (or not, rather) is by going out and having an affair, finding the excitement and diversion elsewhere.

As much as I understand your situation, having been there myself, I know for a fact that having difficulties in a marriage is not a reason (or excuse) to have an affair. Is the excuse that lisrs give as a way to justifying it to themselves. An old friend of mine has done this for almost 13 years now- do you think the possible father of her 12 year old daughter has left his wife of 20 years? Of course not- but she keeps thinking that because he says that 'their marriage is a sham', her role as the OW somehow is less of a tragedy. She has become a person that hates men in general and yet can not leave him. She is older before her age and seeking refuge with anyone that will stay for a night but only tends to go for the ones with girlfriends/wives, with the obvious consequences. She lies to herself, to her family and pretty much to every one else. I am not saying it is his fault she is like that now, but I am giving you the picture of someone who decided to believe the lies of someone incapable of stop pleasing himslef and giving up something he knew was not right, when he knew exactly how much he was hurting her. Not a pretty picture.

You came here asking for opinions because I think you already know how bad this is for you. Please cut your loses and move on. Things are the way they are and if he hasn't left her is because he doesn't want to.
Sorry, I have to be honest about this- Bogof hit it on the nail with her last post- in my case I became addicted to the risk and excitement of that liasion, so much so that I did some very stupid things in the course of that affair... think about what this relationship is giving you, and then think about what you want/need and it is NOT giving you. Then you have the answer.

gratefulforhelp_2

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I think I'm going to go celibate.

It's is just too much hassle at my age, with joints creaking and fluids everywhere, not to mention getting the marks off the ceiling.

Honestly, it's more hassle than it's worth.

Damn my high sex drive!

Its the effect of the green man in your avvie;)

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

If they are in love, you will know it. And they won't settle for a few hours every couple of weeks, they will move heaven and earth to make it official.

Think this says it all, OP.

mandragora_2

'When a man marries his mistress it creates a job opportunity'

might be worth bearing in mind, OP - be careful.

Lotus-eater

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

Its the effect of the green man in your avvie;)

I am he

Bogof_Babe

mandragora wrote: »

'When a man marries his mistress it creates a job opportunity'

might be worth bearing in mind, OP - be careful.

Some of them even play away with their ex.

nickyhutch

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:



:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:



Pleasure treasure

And with that comment, I think you'll have to reconsider the "superior". Blimey.

Youdontseeme

Lotus-eater wrote: »

I think you are, I'm afraid, very wrong.

Very true!

I have held myself back from posting on this thread for two reasons:
1) God, you lot are judgemental
2) There but for the grace of god


I met a bloke, fell head over heels, he was attentive, funny, generous, tall, loaded, and interested in me!!
WooHooo I couldn’t believe my luck. 6 weeks later he “confessed” he was married, but I didn’t get the she doesn’t under me guff, I got the she doesn’t “fulfil me like you do” and by this time I was head over heels so I went along with it.
I justified it to my friends, “its not all sex we go the pictures, we see plays, he talk, we don’t have to have sex all the time he is my friend” bla la blaaaa, which was true. This went on for 3 (Three, count them!!) years.
Until he left his wife for the other women he was seeing, I still don’t know if it’s because his wife found out about her (or maybe me!) and kicked him out, (but I would put £10K on it).
So not only did I come 2nd to his wife, but was behind his 2 kids so that’s 4th and the other bit on the side 5th! I was 5th place in his life!! And now I question that, perhaps the dog came after me..

Since him, I haven’t had a relationship, on one hand he gave me such high expectations, on the other I cant trust men (or people in general come to that) because I never thought I was that gullible. Now I question every decision I make. I am usually very perceptive, I can spot losers with my friend’s blokes at 3 paces, but I was totally taken in, and left heat broken. He still calls, I think just to check if I have forgiven him, I haven’t.

[FONT=&quot]Walk away now, if he does love you he will follow, if he doesn’t then you know[/FONT]