Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

nickyhutch

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Unless it was one of those "open" marriages, which I believe can work for some couples, although goodness knows how.

If they were both sneaking around trying to "get away with it" then it does seem rather sad, and yes, a bit sordid.

Some people like a bit of "sordid"

nickyhutch

plumpmouse wrote: »

Yep I believe they should.

Were there children involved? Did they escape without any upset?


Not trying to get at you, just interested. I would imagine it would be quite rare to have affairs within a relationship and no hurt at all be present. If this is what happened in your case in my opinion you have been very lucky!

Yes, 2 children. Of course they were hurt and upset - who wouldn't be? They're well adjusted now and have a good relationship with their Dad, but not with me.

We didn't know, at the time, that the ex was seeing someone else, but when it became obvious (when he was round at the house the next day and moved in 2 months later), we wondered how we hadn't realised! She is, of course, whiter than white and it's all Dad's fault, and I am the b1tch who they must not like, be nice to or talk about (8 years later).

plumpmouse

nickyhutch wrote: »

Yes, 2 children. Of course they were hurt and upset - who wouldn't be? They're well adjusted now and have a good relationship with their Dad, but not with me.

We didn't know, at the time, that the ex was seeing someone else, but when it became obvious (when he was round at the house the next day and moved in 2 months later), we wondered how we hadn't realised! She is, of course, whiter than white and it's all Dad's fault, and I am the b1tch who they must not like, be nice to or talk about (8 years later).

I think this is showing the point I have tried to make in this thread. Not many if any affairs end happily for all involved be that man, woman, lover, kids etc.

I'm glad they have managed to have a good relationship in the end with their dad. One day they may be more accepting of you - it does happen. When children grow into adults they sometimes see things differently and stop accepting what is "told" to them.

Dave101t

you can give me happy ending anytime love, sorry no fat chicks!

1echidna

Dave101t wrote: »

you can give me happy ending anytime love, sorry no fat chicks!

And I'm supposed to be the one who makes the un PC comments.

nickyhutch

plumpmouse wrote: »

I think this is showing the point I have tried to make in this thread. Not many if any affairs end happily for all involved be that man, woman, lover, kids etc.

I'm glad they have managed to have a good relationship in the end with their dad. One day they may be more accepting of you - it does happen. When children grow into adults they sometimes see things differently and stop accepting what is "told" to them.

They might, they might not. I hope for OH's sake that they do.

I recently met, at my half-brother's wedding, my Dad's second wife (half-brother's Mum), who was my step-mum, who I haven't seen for about 22 years. The first thing I did was apologise to her for being so flipping awful to her when she was married to my Dad!

1echidna

absolutebounder wrote: »

Go easy on him. Everyone likes a little fruitcake occasionally.
As to the question about affairs I think they can have a happy ending but it takes special people to manage it.

And I love you too bounder - not.:p

londoner1998

candygirl wrote: »

A fantastic reply and advice:T:T:TGlad you did the right thing and found happiness hun:A

Thank you- But the truth is that I didn't really have a choice- the whole thing just fell apart inso quickly and spectacularly. I didn't want it to be like that and did all I could to carry on with him. But in the end he left me no choice: After he stood me up one night, without even a phone call, I turned up in their flat to end it with him and he threw me out unceremoniously, completely freaked out because his girlfriend was upstairs and pretending I was a work colleague with an emergency (a cross between Eastenders and Footballers Wives- very seedy and very, very sad). I have never been treated worse in my life and I saw a side of him I didn't know. He scared me. He phoned me afterwards with his reasons and suggesting we gave it 'a break'- but by then I didn't even want to ever see him again and I made that clear. Still, we bumped into each other in cafes and bars a couple of times in the year that followed and the first time was truly awful, although I walked in with my friend with my head held high. ..and burst into tears after he left.

It was unstoppable and he showed himself for the coward he really was (is?). That experience took a long time to get over, but I learned very valuable leasson: things are the way they are. If he is not leaving his wife/partner/girlfriend, whatever he says, it because at some level he still cares and he just doesn't want to make the move. The reasons can be varied but what really counts is what he does, not what he says.

Some people did the right thing and ended up the marriage... but I still think that starting a relationship lying to other people is not a good way to start.

I would say to the OP that she will feel better if she can make a decision, not, like it happened to me, you end up in the middle of a very dark and seedy situation over which you feel you have no control.
Good luck, I think you know your answer...

POPPYOSCAR

Sorry, but I am still laughing at 'come the raw prawn'.

What a wonderful expression.

1echidna

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Sorry, but I am still laughing at 'come the raw prawn'.

What a wonderful expression.

I suppose that that is encouragement for me to comment further. Unfortunately I am suffering a little from raw prawn indigestion on the subject of marital infidelity. Perhaps I have downplayed the heartache involved but I don't believe anyone involved in this type of situation is usually all bad. All I would like to say now is to wish the OP well and the other people involved also.