Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

gratefulforhelp_2

poppyoscar the view you described as a response to my post is the liberal view, and yes, the rate of marriage breakdown has increased as society has become less openly disapproving of affairs and divorce. Yes there were always affairs, and there always will be, but the liberal view (if it harms no-one do as you will, or words to that effect) can't apply here, there are children here. They are bound to suffer some detriment in this situation.

nickyhutch you didn't answer the question I asked about your marriage vows, but no - I don't think you should have stayed with someone who verbally abused your child. If there is to be marriage, we probably have to accept there will be divorce, but so many divorces? and for some very trivial reasons? (not meaning you here).

Whether you should have stayed though, is a different question from whether you should have committed adultery...

Errata

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Why?

1
If he leaves to be with her she will be slated as the most 'wicked women going'

2
If he stays it will be 'told you so'

3
If nothing changes it will be same as 1 above.

Or she could meet the love of her life whilst the boyfie is absent playing mummys and daddys.

euronorris

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Why?

1
If he leaves to be with her she will be slated as the most 'wicked women going'

2
If he stays it will be 'told you so'

3
If nothing changes it will be same as 1 above.

There are lessons to be learnt from each scenario, but curiosty is the main driver for many people.

I have no intention of slating OP, but she will probably face far worse out in the real world (should it come to light), so it might be worth preparing herself mentally for that.

I truly hope that the OP learns from this, and is able to have an exclusive relationship with someone who is also exclusive with her also.

a1969baby

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

Why?

1
If he leaves to be with her she will be slated as the most 'wicked women going'

2
If he stays it will be 'told you so'

3
If nothing changes it will be same as 1 above.

Yes I agree that whatever the outcome for the OP, she will probably be criticized for it.

Errata wrote: »

Or she could meet the love of her life whilst the boyfie is absent playing mummys and daddys.

Not sure if you were being sarcastic there Errata, but actually I think this could be the happiest ending for all involved, apart from the man, if he genuinely loves the OP.

nickyhutch

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

nickyhutch you didn't answer the question I asked about your marriage vows, but no - I don't think you should have stayed with someone who verbally abused your child. If there is to be marriage, we probably have to accept there will be divorce, but so many divorces? and for some very trivial reasons? (not meaning you here).

Whether you should have stayed though, is a different question from whether you should have committed adultery...

I don't think I said I committed adultery when my ex and I fell out for good. When I asked him to leave, it took a while to sort out practical considerations (home for him, telling DS etc. etc.). I considered my self separated from the time we agreed to spilt, so wouldn't consider seeing someone else adultery.

I have committed adultery, as the "other woman", but not against my ex.

Bogof_Babe

What I can't understand is how the OP copes in her mind with the fact that her beloved is with his wife for about 66% of his time (based on avg 5 hours a week with OP and 50 hrs a week working/commuting). Doesn't she ever feel bitter that it is the wife who he is watching TV with, shopping with, eating with, washing up the dishes with, talking about their day with, making holiday plans with...?

If I were her I don't think I could feel romantic love for someone whose life so minimally touched on mine, but majorly involved another woman, be she his wife or whoever. For one thing I'd spend 66% of my time eaten up with jealousy.

I feel the OP is actually less committed than she makes out, or she simply would have lost the plot by now. The reason this has come to a head is because she has finally realised that it is going nowhere, and is not a satisfactory situation for either of them. In her heart of hearts maybe she actually WANTS him to tell her it's over so she can walk away with a clear conscience, as he allegedly "needs her" so much.

purpletoenails

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

What I can't understand is how the OP copes in her mind with the fact that her beloved is with his wife for about 66% of his time (based on avg 5 hours a week with OP and 50 hrs a week working/commuting). Doesn't she ever feel bitter that it is the wife who he is watching TV with, shopping with, eating with, washing up the dishes with, talking about their day with, making holiday plans with...?

If I were her I don't think I could feel romantic love for someone whose life so minimally touched on mine, but majorly involved another woman, be she his wife or whoever. For one thing I'd spend 66% of my time eaten up with jealousy.

I feel the OP is actually less committed than she makes out, or she simply would have lost the plot by now. The reason this has come to a head is because she has finally realised that it is going nowhere, and is not a satisfactory situation for either of them. In her heart of hearts maybe she actually WANTS him to tell her it's over so she can walk away with a clear conscience, as he allegedly "needs her" so much.

It used to be okay but I hate it now. Not jealous, just feel lonely at times. I suppose thats what brought me to the point I'm at now.

POPPYOSCAR

I just hope that some of the posters on here who think their marriages are so secure, and that their other half would not cheat but end the relationship first, that their words do not come back to haunt them.

euronorris

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I just hope that some of the posters on here who think their marriages are so secure, and that their other half would not cheat but end the relationship first, that their words do not come back to haunt them.

When did I say that? When did anyone say that?

I don't think my OH would ever do it, but that doesn't mean he definitely wouldn't.

I have said I wouldn't ever cheat though, and I stand by those words. It's not like I haven't had the opportunity before, but I have more respect for myself, my partner and my relationship than to end it like that.

caledonian_princess

meer53 wrote: »

As you haven't been through this then i understand why you say what you do. Saying that people don't realise they're unhappy until they meet someone else is absolutely ridiculous ! If you're in a relationship, meeting someone else should have no effect whatsoever on how you feel about the other person in that relationship. You're very naieve. If you do have feelings for someone else then there is obviously something wrong with your current relationship and if you even consider starting a new one, you should do the decent thing and end it, out of respect for the other person.

It's not ridiculous, I've been there myself. Perfectly content to drift along in a reasonably happy relationship then boom, I met someone who opened my eyes to what I was missing. I never did have a relationship with that other person but he made me see that I wanted more than I had and I'm grateful to him for it.