Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

1echidna

vroombroom wrote: »

no I'm sure she's not going to lose any sleep, but seriously, sitting round waiting for a bloke who is otherwise taking, deciding whether he wants to be with her not?

It has got risks, but what relationship doesn't? (perhaps on the other hand he is a really good catch)

plumpmouse

1echidna wrote: »

Who is going to end up with the last word on this thread? The obviously right answer that affairs can sometimes end up with a happy ending or the complete doom mongers saying that it can never happen despite evidence all around us to the contrary?

I'm pretty sure that most post on here have acknowledged to some degree that certain parties end up with a happy ending from an affair. However most affairs end with a very unhappy ending for other parties more often than not the partner left and children!

I know far more people who have been badly affected by an affair than people who have got the "happy" ending.

In my opinion the "right" answer is still to have the bottle to leave your partner before you start sleeping around. Deceiving, cheating and betraying your family would not imho make a "happy" ending!

plumpmouse

1echidna wrote: »

It has got risks, but what relationship doesn't? (perhaps on the other hand he is a really good catch)

Yep cheats on his wife, kids, lies sounds a fantastic catch!

1echidna

plumpmouse wrote: »

Yep cheats on his wife, kids, lies sounds a fantastic catch!

With the Jesuit sig, would you by any chance be a roman catholic poster :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:(you gotta laugh or you would cry)

euronorris

msb5262 wrote: »

I would agree strongly with nickyhutch and purpletoenails - I'd much rather be left for someone else than just left because the relationship is dead.
My dear ex actually did the former but let me think it was the latter!
As many responses upthread show, it's much easier to feel furious and betrayed by your partner and the other woman than just to feel, "There must be something awful wrong with me..."
I felt quite relieved in a weird way when I finally found out that my ex had been carrying on with someone else all along (I found out 18 months after he'd moved out). They're now married with a child.

MsB

Really? I'm surprised to hear anyone feels this way. Just goes to show that everyone is different.

I'm the opposite. I'd much rather that a relationship ended because it wasn't right, than because he found someone else. Being left for someone else actually invoked all the feelings that you say you felt when you believed the relationship had 'died'. What was so wrong with me that he had to go and sleep with other women behind my back.

Of course, over time I've learnt that his betrayal actually had nothing to do with me. It would not have mattered how pretty I was, how smart I was, how nice I was, how funny I was etc, as the issue was with his self esteem and sleeping with lots of women helped to make him feel better about himself, and has continued to do so ever since. That's not a pattern I'm ever sure he'll break.

Is it inevitable that people cheat? Yes, for some people I believe it is. There are a whole myriad of reasons why people cheat. But they are just that. Reasons. They are NOT excuses, and as such, do not justify their behaviour.

We typically hear the reasons of 'she went cold on me', 'we were arguing all the time', 'we want different things from life now' etc etc etc. But rest assured, they are not the only reasons people cheat. In addition to those reasons, is also the following 'my self esteem was low, so I was too scared to end the relationship/I tried to discuss the problem and got nowhere, and in my weakness I gave into temptation', '.

Do I think such a weakness makes you a bad person? No. Do I think it is selfish of someone to carry on such a situation instead of addressing the problems and/or seeking help from a professional to work through the underlying self esteem issue (if necessary)? Yes. But, do I also recognise that this can be difficult to do? Yes.

Does any of this excuse the cheating? NO. It is still just a reason, and I think it is adviseable for anyone who finds themselves in such a situation to really analyse their thoughts, feelings and behaviours. If you don't, I fear it is all too easy to find yourself in the same situation again when times are tough.

plumpmouse

1echidna wrote: »

With the Jesuit sig, would you by any chance be a roman catholic poster :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:(you gotta laugh or you would cry)

Nope not at all.

Just a quote I like. I didn't actually know the orgins of it so thanks for enlightening me. I believe at some point in time it was a favourite quote of Diana which is where I first heard it. Stuck with me as the most important thing in my life is my children and instilling decency and morals in them not getting my leg over where possible!!!!

Pollycat

Does anyone know if the OP has said how long this affair has been going on?

She says in a few of her early posts that it's "a while".

plumpmouse

Pollycat wrote: »

Does anyone know if the OP has said how long this affair has been going on?

She says in a few of her early posts that it's "a while".

I thought it was 2 1/2 years but may be wrong.

Pollycat

plumpmouse wrote: »

I thought it was 2 1/2 years but may be wrong.

If it is that long, I'd have thought it was more than enough time for him to decide which woman he wants to be with.


Or is he playing the 'I can't leave my wife at the moment as.......

• she needs me
• it will upset the kids
• I can't afford it
• insert excuse of your choice

card?

euronorris

plumpmouse wrote: »

I thought it was 2 1/2 years but may be wrong.

I think this also, but if I recall correctly, it was not sexual for the first 12-18months.

Now, for the OP - For your own happiness, I think it would be better for you to say 'This is what I want from a relationship, and if you are not able to provide that, so be it.'.

Be wary of the excuses that may be trotted out in order to keep you waiting, and stay strong.