Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

purpletoenails

candygirl wrote: »

I really don't get why it should be his decision how the relationship progresses!!Give him a choice and then move on, as that will be your only option:D:D

Its not just his decision, but I do want to hear what he has to say

nickyhutch

meer53 wrote: »

I think the people who feel the same as i do are in the majority, i've yet to meet someone who has been cheated on who says "well, it's ok, i'll just move on straight away and not worry about it too much" And where did I say they should?

My son does have a good relationship with his Dad, he just has no respect for him. Your Dad left your mum for someone who sleeps with people for a living, not a great conversation starter is it ? Does it have to be in the conversation at all? My daughter doesn't know yet, (she's 10) i have that joy to come when i try to explain to her what her Dads girlfriend does for a living. Why would you try to explain that? I stand by my comment that you're naieve. Sorry if it offends you.

I'm not offended - it's your opinion, that you're entitled to, but you're wrong.

POPPYOSCAR

gratefulforhelp wrote: »

This liberal view in so many people has IMHO led to...



I was about to say the Bible is all about "life" as below



Single Sue and may others are the victims of society's failure to disapprove of adulterers.

I'm sure someone has said that the man who marries his mistress creates a vacancy?

I do not need other people to tell me wrong from right.

I do not steal/murder/lie or cheat because of what other people will think of me, I only care what I think of me.

catkins

nickyhutch wrote: »

That's what I meant. If he left me for no-one, then heck, I must be blimming awful.

No, not if he stopped loving you or do you expect him to stay until someone else comes along for him?

balletshoes

nickyhutch wrote: »

would you rather your husband left you, but not for another woman? That he'd rather live alone than with you? I'm not saying that's how I'd feel, because I don't know, but if I try to think about it I imagine I'd rather have lost him to someone else than he'd left just because he'd had enough of me.

If my husband was unhappy enough to truly feel that our marriage was over, and we'd both tried everything we could reasonably try to get back on track, I'd rather he left me to live alone. If he left me and immediately there was another woman on the scene I'd feel like she was the reason he'd left, and that would be worse for me.

POPPYOSCAR

meer53 wrote: »

I think the people who feel the same as i do are in the majority, i've yet to meet someone who has been cheated on who says "well, it's ok, i'll just move on straight away and not worry about it too much"

My son does have a good relationship with his Dad, he just has no respect for him. Your Dad left your mum for someone who sleeps with people for a living, not a great conversation starter is it ? My daughter doesn't know yet, (she's 10) i have that joy to come when i try to explain to her what her Dads girlfriend does for a living. I stand by my comment that you're naieve. Sorry if it offends you.

Well I was cheated on and as I posted before it made me ill.It made no difference that there was another woman I was just devastated that he was no longer with me anymore.

It took me a long time to get over it but never did I feel bitter about him or her.At the time I would have had him back in my life like a shot but I came to realize that really they had both done me a huge service.

nickyhutch

catkins wrote: »

No, not if he stopped loving you or do you expect him to stay until someone else comes along for him?

balletshoes wrote: »

If my husband was unhappy enough to truly feel that our marriage was over, and we'd both tried everything we could reasonably try to get back on track, I'd rather he left me to live alone. If he left me and immediately there was another woman on the scene I'd feel like she was the reason he'd left, and that would be worse for me.

Proof that we're all different and feel differently about the same situation. I'm not for a minute saying you're wrong; I was just asking how you might feel. You can't be wrong, because it's how you feel.

1sttimer_2

Gosh, just tried reading all this thread ended up jumping in and out, but I think I get the gist of it!

This is how I imagine it can happen if you are single - someone you get along with very well and over time makes a subtle move and makes you feel good, you may be slowly taken in by this untill you are in an 'affair' without actually realising it (and by affair I mean involved - and not allways sexually). By then, you may be smitten and if you've been given a story about how the this person has a poor/unhappy family life, but is putting it to them that they are not going to disrupt their life with the wife/husband and children because he/she doesn't want to hurt them, (cannot be that unhappy then!) but would really like to be good friends with you so they can have some enjoyment in their life, well, it may be that if you are single, it may feel that you are helping that friend have a relaxing time away from the (said) unhappy family!

After a few years of this, you then realise that it's not a good situation to be in because you are now unhappy and disillusioned, and wonder if it should end but still want to keep hold of this 'good' friend. The unhappy family life has still been going on whilst you are making your friend happy, and not wanting to destroy the children's lives by staying away and letting them belive that their dad is a great person whom they love and trust, you now think you can let the friend decide if you've to hang around to keep on helping him relax away from his unhappy marriage.

Have I got it? Or is it not like this at all, and I'm just telling a fairy story?

meer53

nickyhutch wrote: »

I'm not offended - it's your opinion, that you're entitled to, but you're wrong.

It's the elephant in the room, what am i supposed to do when my daughter asks, lie to her ? That makes me as bad as him. Same applies to my son when his friends ask him the same question. My ex only told us what she does for a living when she left him briefly last year, but someone who my son knows has used her "services" and they confirmed it to him. That made him feel great i can tell you.

At the end of the day, what she does for a living isn't the issue. It's that fact that he carried on an affair for over 6 months before i found out. It would have been far more easier for me to cope with if he'd had the balls to end our relationship before starting one with her. If he'd been happy with me then he wouldnt have even looked her way would he ?

cheepskate_2

purpletoenails wrote: »

Its not just his decision, but I do want to hear what he has to say

WHY..... you have already heard what he has to say. He in no uncertain terms by not making a commitment to you, says he prefers the wife.

He prefers the wife, boredom an all, because with a little bit on the side i.e you or someone else who is willing, he can have a few hours of excitement.

But then again your affair doesnt seem to be that exciting either.

Just a wee aside, the person i referred to in previous posts insists her married friend has never had a affair, as he told her , but he is know to us and has cheated on his wife from not long after marraige (20+ years)if not before..