Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Person_one

nickyhutch wrote: »

That's what I meant. If he left me for no-one, then heck, I must be blimming awful.

Maybe this is the root of our differences.

I can't imagine thinking that being in a relationship, even an unhappy one, is automatically more desirable than being alone.

Are you one of those people who never spends very long single and doesn't leave a bad relationship until a new prospect comes along?

nickyhutch

Errata wrote: »

If a man leaves his wife and children for another woman, isn't he saying very loud and clear to them that he's only stayed with them until something better came along? Doesn't that indicate that they're second best? I would have thought that was far more soul destroying than him saying things are not working for him any longer, and moving out.

Not necessarily. It says he's leaving because things went wrong/it was never right/she treats him badly/she doesn't love him any more/he doesn't love her any more/he fell for someone else/etc.etc.

People are bound to have different ideas about how they would feel in either of these two situations - no-one is wrong, because it's about how we feel. No-one can tell us how we should feel.

candygirl

I really don't get why it should be his decision how the relationship progresses!!Give him a choice and then move on, as that will be your only option:D:D

meer53

nickyhutch wrote: »

I'm not saying it should be inevitable, I'm just remarking that in my experience (not just personal - people I know, and know of and read of), it sometimes is. I'm not saying that it's inevitable that everyone will cheat. People don't always do "the decent thing" because they are just that - people, human.

Sometimes people don't realise they're unhappy until they meet someone else - that happens too.

I'm sorry you've been through that. I'm not going to phrase this properly, so I'm sorry to be blunt, but would you rather your husband left you, but not for another woman? That he'd rather live alone than with you? I'm not saying that's how I'd feel, because I don't know, but if I try to think about it I imagine I'd rather have lost him to someone else than he'd left just because he'd had enough of me.

As you haven't been through this then i understand why you say what you do. Saying that people don't realise they're unhappy until they meet someone else is absolutely ridiculous ! If you're in a relationship, meeting someone else should have no effect whatsoever on how you feel about the other person in that relationship. You're very naieve. If you do have feelings for someone else then there is obviously something wrong with your current relationship and if you even consider starting a new one, you should do the decent thing and end it, out of respect for the other person.

Now, if you have never been cheated on, lied to, and (unknowingly) slept with someone whilst they were also sleeping with someone else behind your back, you will understand why i, and many other people on the forum, find your comments about how you'd rather be cheated on absolutely amazing. I sincerely hope that you are never in this position but believe me, you can't begin to imagine the heartache, and the days and weeks of feeling so despondent that you don't know how to get through the next day, let alone the rest of your life, feels.
You feel so worthless that you can't imagine how anyone will ever want to look at you, let alone love you ever again. To consciously do this to another person is despicable and extremely selfish. It's something you can never forgive, nor should you. So, in answer to your question, if my ex had told me that he was unhappy and didnt think our marriage was working before he decided to sleep with someone else, i would now have some shred of respect for him, and more to the point, so would my 2 children who he abandoned for some slapper (i'm not just calling her a slapper out of spite, she works as an "escort" so i feel the title slapper is justified) The saddest thing is that my son who was 15 when he left now has no respect whatsoever for his Dad, how can any person ever justify doing that to their child ?

nickyhutch

Person_one wrote: »

Maybe this is the root of our differences.

I can't imagine thinking that being in a relationship, even an unhappy one, is automatically more desirable than being alone.

Are you one of those people who never spends very long single and doesn't leave a bad relationship until a new prospect comes along?

I don't think being in a bad relationship is better than being alone - I just pointed out that some people might.

In answer to your question - in a word, no. I'm not one of "those people", neither have I had countless relationships to leave.

erdd2

1echidna wrote: »

Sounds biblical - real life need not be biblical

May sound/read biblical to you, but is merely a non biblicals view

Person_one

nickyhutch wrote: »

I don't think being in a bad relationship is better than being alone - I just pointed out that some people might.

In answer to your question - in a word, no. I'm not one of "those people", neither have I had countless relationships to leave.

It was the way you phrased it, "Leaving me for no-one", I don't think many people would look at it that way, they'd think "It didn't work out", "We separated/split up" "We were better off apart" "We weren't happy anymore" etc.

nickyhutch

meer53 wrote: »

As you haven't been through this then i understand why you say what you do. Saying that people don't realise they're unhappy until they meet someone else is absolutely ridiculous ! No, YOU think it's ridiculous; some people don't. If you're in a relationship, meeting someone else should have no effect whatsoever on how you feel about the other person in that relationship. Should, but doesn't always.You're very naieve. I'm really not. I'm realisitic. If you do have feelings for someone else then there is obviously something wrong with your current relationship and you may not have realised that until you met the new person and if you even consider starting a new one, you should do the decent thing and end it, out of respect for the other person. maybe you should, but not everyone does.

Now, if you have never been cheated on, lied to, and (unknowingly) slept with someone whilst they were also sleeping with someone else behind your back, you will understand why i, and many other people on the forum, find your comments about how you'd rather be cheated on absolutely amazing. and some people don't - they agree with me. You CANNOT tell me how to feel. I think I even said I don't know HOW I would feel, but made a guess. I sincerely hope that you are never in this position but believe me, you can't begin to imagine the heartache, and the days and weeks of feeling so despondent that you don't know how to get through the next day, let alone the rest of your life, feels. I can. I watched my Mum go through it. Don't tell me what I can and can't imagine.
You feel so worthless that you can't imagine how anyone will ever want to look at you, let alone love you ever again. To consciously do this to another person is despicable and extremely selfish. It's something you can never forgive, nor should you. So, in answer to your question, if my ex had told me that he was unhappy and didnt think our marriage was working before he decided to sleep with someone else, i would now have some shred of respect for him, so that's how you'd feel? That's fine, great, your opinion - how YOU would feel. We don't all have to feel the same. and more to the point, so would my 2 children who he abandoned for some slapper (i'm not just calling her a slapper out of spite, she works as an "escort" so i feel the title slapper is justified) The saddest thing is that my son who was 15 when he left now has no respect whatsoever for his Dad, how can any person ever justify doing that to their child ?

I think it's a shame your son can't have a relationship with his Dad, and I'm sorry for that. The kids are the ones who feel it the most (it happened to me), so I can understand that completely. Having said that, my Dad left my Mum for his secretary and went on to marry her and have two kids, and I have a great relationship with him, and with my Mum. He didn't leave me, he left my Mum.

race

purpletoenails wrote: »

Hi all,

I'm probably going to get criticized for what I'm about to write, but as a long time lurker on these forums I know that I can also expect some sensible and honest opinions.

I have been having a relationship with a married man for some time now and I'm starting to get fed up with the situation and wonder if this is all it's ever going to be. How likely is it that a married man would leave his wife for the 'other woman', How do I know if he's serious about me or just toying with me? I know he does love me, but that's not always enough is it?

I am really torn at the moment whether to let things carry on, or to walk away.

PT x

You will do something to annoy him or p**s him off one day and he will use it as an excuse to break it off.

meer53

nickyhutch wrote: »

I think it's a shame your son can't have a relationship with his Dad, and I'm sorry for that. The kids are the ones who feel it the most (it happened to me), so I can understand that completely. Having said that, my Dad left my Mum for his secretary and went on to marry her and have two kids, and I have a great relationship with him, and with my Mum. He didn't leave me, he left my Mum.

I think the people who feel the same as i do are in the majority, i've yet to meet someone who has been cheated on who says "well, it's ok, i'll just move on straight away and not worry about it too much"

My son does have a good relationship with his Dad, he just has no respect for him. Your Dad left your mum for someone who sleeps with people for a living, not a great conversation starter is it ? My daughter doesn't know yet, (she's 10) i have that joy to come when i try to explain to her what her Dads girlfriend does for a living. I stand by my comment that you're naieve. Sorry if it offends you.