Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Person_one

purpletoenails wrote: »

cheepskate wrote: »

What a total walkover you are," please can I have a little crumb from your biscuit" I'm not a walkover, I wouldn't have brought the subject up if I was. I just don't see the point of threatening him, he needs to make decisions himself, not be forced into them by me.

How many years are you going to waste and then at the end of it all when you have got fed up of waiting , still be still not have commitment from anybody. That is why I have posed the question now, I have no intention of hanging around forever

What about you? You also get to make decisions yourself! You don't have to hang around waiting for his verdict you can choose what you want.

I don't think an ultimatum would be so terrible in this situation, after all its not currently a relationship of equals, you may as well assert yourself a bit. Personally I think you should walk away and never look back but if you actually love him (where's the rolleyes smiley gone?) then you may as well have one last stab at it I suppose.

Person_one

Errata wrote: »

It always takes two to make a marriage and two to destroy it.

Always? No.

Errata

I'm not a walkover, I wouldn't have brought the subject up if I was. I just don't see the point of threatening him, he needs to make decisions himself, not be forced into them by me.

You really don't have the faintest idea about how major decisions are made in a partnership, do you.

Person_one

nickyhutch wrote: »

I didn't say she could; I just said something wrong in the relationship. Do you honestly think the wife is always blameless, that it's never down to something she does or doesn't do, something that's changed in the relationship? That it's always the man's fault?

Of course a wife can be partly or wholly responsible for problems within a marriage, but unless she has a gun to her husband's head and frog marches him to another woman's bed she isn't responsible for cheating, that's a decision he chooses to make.

I'm baffled that you think cheating is the answer to anything, how does it ever solve problems within a marriage?

If two people are married, they've usually promised to be faithful to each other, to put each other first and to be a partnership. Cheating is a betrayal of everything marriage, or even a committed non married relationship, is about. Open relationships aside, pretty much every relationship is entered into with both parties understanding that they'll only be with each other, not some random third parties as well!

meer53

Why should he make the decision ? You're giving him the chance to keep you dangling on the piece of string he has had you on for the last 2 years. Why would he suddenly decide now ? He's being a coward and so are you. Have some self respect and make the decision yourself, end it now. If he really wants you and not his wife then it should spur him on to make sure that is what happens. He should split from her and be with you for good. This is the only way you will find out how he really feels about you. If he stays with his wife then you will have your answer. Don't waste any more time on him, live your life, for yourself and your children.

purpletoenails

Errata wrote: »

You really don't have the faintest idea about how major decisions are made in a partnership, do you.

Well I'm not sure threatening someone to get what you want is the best way to go about it?

Person_one

purpletoenails wrote: »

Well I'm not sure threatening someone to get what you want is the best way to go about it?

Explaining that if he doesn't make you a priority then the 'relationship' will be over, and telling him what he can do if he wants to continue the 'relationship', is not a threat. That's just you not being a doormat any longer.

meer53

purpletoenails wrote: »

Well I'm not sure threatening someone to get what you want is the best way to go about it?

Threatening is usually not a good idea - but - in your case, i still think an ultimatum will get the answer you're looking for, otherwise he'll just string it out as long as it's convenient for him. He's not thinking about you, only himself and how inconvenient it will be for him to leave his wife and children now. He's a selfish coward who's using his children as an excuse. Charming.

nickyhutch

Person_one wrote: »

Of course a wife can be partly or wholly responsible for problems within a marriage, but unless she has a gun to her husband's head and frog marches him to another woman's bed she isn't responsible for cheating, that's a decision he chooses to make.

I'm baffled that you think cheating is the answer to anything, how does it ever solve problems within a marriage?

If two people are married, they've usually promised to be faithful to each other, to put each other first and to be a partnership. Cheating is a betrayal of everything marriage, or even a committed non married relationship, is about. Open relationships aside, pretty much every relationship is entered into with both parties understanding that they'll only be with each other, not some random third parties as well!

We obviously have very different viewpoints and opinions on the subject and are never going to agree. You don't have to be "baffled" just because I don't agree with you. I'm not baffled by your opinion - just accepting of it.

I don't think cheating is the answer to anything; I think it is sometimes the inevitable result of problems/breakdowns of relationships. I think sometimes the breakdown of a relationship is inevitable. Sometimes people are fed up, frustrated, unhappy, miserable, treated badly (etc etc) and end up (yes, I know, choose to) see someone else. It happens.

Of course we go into relationships on the understanding that we'll be faithful, but things change. People change. Circumstances change.

Person_one

nickyhutch wrote: »

We obviously have very different viewpoints and opinions on the subject and are never going to agree. You don't have to be "baffled" just because I don't agree with you. I'm not baffled by your opinion - just accepting of it.

I don't think cheating is the answer to anything; I think it is sometimes the inevitable result of problems/breakdowns of relationships. I think sometimes the breakdown of a relationship is inevitable. Sometimes people are fed up, frustrated, unhappy, miserable, treated badly (etc etc) and end up (yes, I know, choose to) see someone else. It happens.

Of course we go into relationships on the understanding that we'll be faithful, but things change. People change. Circumstances change.

I don't have to be baffled, but I am! You (begrudgingly) accept that cheating is always a choice, but also refer to it as inevitable, what's that all about?