Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

nickyhutch

CH27 wrote: »

People who cheat longterm often crave the excitement of the forbidden. Once the mistress becomes the wife they are no longer forbidden & a new mistress is needed.

Always? EVERY single time? Where's your evidence for this - is it just anecdotal or do you have some hard statistics?

Person_one

nickyhutch wrote: »

I've never understood the "he can cheat once, he can do it again" line. He's cheating on his wife; he's cheating on that one person. That doesn't mean he's going to cheat on every woman he ever has a relationship with.

If you turn it the other way, can we say that a person who has never cheated never will?

For some people, cheating on a partner is a line they could never and would never cross. This man has shown he is willing to cross it.

Buddingblonde

nickyhutch wrote: »

He's cheating on his wife; he's cheating on that one person. That doesn't mean he's going to cheat on every woman he ever has a relationship with.
?

He is also cheating on the other woman - emotionally and physically. Often he is cheating the other woman out of a genuine relationship with someone single and also (as happened to a deluded friend of mine) he is cheating the other woman of her fertile years.
My friend was in a relationship with a married man from her late 20's til 38. By the time she met Mr Right she was too old to have a much wished for family.

nickyhutch

Person_one wrote: »

For some people, cheating on a partner is a line they could never and would never cross. This man has shown he is willing to cross it.

He was willing to cross the line of cheating on that woman. That doesn't mean he'll cross the line of cheating on a different woman. We don't know why he's cheating, but whatever it is that's wrong in the relationship to make him cheat might not exist in a new relationship.

I'm not defending cheating, just saying that it's not a foregone conclusion that a cheater is always a cheater.

Errata

Person_one wrote: »

For some people, cheating on a partner is a line they could never and would never cross. This man has shown he is willing to cross it.

I think he's also demonstrating very fully that he doesn't even have a passing knowledge of honour and loyalty. Ugh, who'd be desparate enough to want a bloke like that?

nickyhutch

Buddingblonde wrote: »

He is also cheating on the other woman - emotionally and physically. Often he is cheating the other woman out of a genuine relationship with someone single and also (as happened to a deluded friend of mine) he is cheating the other woman of her fertile years.
My friend was in a relationship with a married man from her late 20's til 38. By the time she met Mr Right she was too old to have a much wished for family.

She's cheated herself out of a genuine relationship and a family. She didn't have to stay with him.

Person_one

nickyhutch wrote: »

He was willing to cross the line of cheating on that woman. That doesn't mean he'll cross the line of cheating on a different woman. We don't know why he's cheating, but whatever it is that's wrong in the relationship to make him cheat might not exist in a new relationship.

I'm not defending cheating, just saying that it's not a foregone conclusion that a cheater is always a cheater.

No, I suppose its not a foregone conclusion, but you missed my point slightly. That he is willing to cross that line at all, with anybody, is more than a lot of decent people would do.

I wouldn't want a relationship with somebody who had ever cheated, even if it was years in the past and nothing to do with me. Unfortunately men aren't always open about these things!

I'm also surprised to see you trot out the old line that there can be something in a relationship that 'makes' men cheat. Do they not have brains? Reasoning faculties? Consciences? If something is terribly wrong in your relationship the answer is not to cheat, its to try and fix it or to leave.

I'm very strongly offended by the idea that a wife can be to blame for her husband cheating.

purpletoenails

cheepskate wrote: »

What a total walkover you are," please can I have a little crumb from your biscuit" I'm not a walkover, I wouldn't have brought the subject up if I was. I just don't see the point of threatening him, he needs to make decisions himself, not be forced into them by me.

How many years are you going to waste and then at the end of it all when you have got fed up of waiting , still be still not have commitment from anybody. That is why I have posed the question now, I have no intention of hanging around forever

Errata

Person_one wrote: »

I'm very strongly offended by the idea that a wife can be to blame for her husband cheating.

It always takes two to make a marriage and two to destroy it.

nickyhutch

Person_one wrote: »

No, I suppose its not a foregone conclusion, but you missed my point slightly. That he is willing to cross that line at all, with anybody, is more than a lot of decent people would do. I think a lot more people do it than you realise, in that case.

I wouldn't want a relationship with somebody who had ever cheated, even if it was years in the past and nothing to do with me. Unfortunately men aren't always open about these things! That's entirely your decision, of course. We can all choose what is and isn't acceptable in a partner. If someone else is willing to accept it, though, that's up to them.

I'm also surprised to see you trot out the old line that there can be something in a relationship that 'makes' men cheat. Do they not have brains? Reasoning faculties? Consciences? If something is terribly wrong in your relationship the answer is not to cheat, its to try and fix it or to leave. That might be your answer - doesn't mean it's everyone's.

I'm very strongly offended by the idea that a wife can be to blame for her husband cheating.

I didn't say she could; I just said something wrong in the relationship. Do you honestly think the wife is always blameless, that it's never down to something she does or doesn't do, something that's changed in the relationship? That it's always the man's fault?