Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

purpletoenails

Pollycat wrote: »

When are you planning to meet him next? In about 2 and a half weeks time

The problem with issuing an ultimatum as you have done here:

is that if you don't follow through with it, you have lost your bargaining power and will be viewed as the boy who cried 'Wolf'.

I didn't really think I issued an ultimatum as such - I didn't say 'if you don't do xxxxx I'm ending things', it was more a case of please can you let me know exactly where I stand and how he see's his future, do I feature in it, and in what capacity.


What does his wife think he's doing when he's actually spending 10 hours with you?

Working/going out after work I expect, I didn't actually askI don't


What could he possibly say to you to make you 'hang in there' after you've decided that what you've got with him is no longer enough for you?

I really don't know what he is going to say, I just know I can't go on as I am with it all

savingmore

clearingout wrote: »

I beg to differ. I don't think your self esteem is fine at all. You are involved with a married man, you accept being second best and have done for quite some time. You have been lied to - again and again and again. You tell yourself that's part and parcel of having an affair but I would say it's part and parcel of not valuing yourself enough to get out and find someone who is prepared to be with you and you alone.

You don't want to hurt his wife? Not prepared to tell her yourself because you don't want to hurt her but are 'happy' (?) to have him leave her? Do you think she'll be happy about that? Do you think she'll just shrug her shoulders and say 'oh well, didn't like him that much anyway?' Being betrayed in this way is about as bad as it gets - I struggle to imagine there will ever be a time in my life when anything hurts as much as it did putting all those pieces together and realising what they meant. Losing someone you love to another person is literally having the rug pulled out from under you - only the ground isn't there to stop you fallling, you just keep going down and down and down. It stops, eventually, but not before your life as you know it has been obliterated before your very eyes. Imagine all of that then imagine that you are powerless to stop it - like watching a TV show but having no off button. Your life becomes a real live episode of Jeremy Kyle and everything you ever wanted and worked for disappears.

I have worked hard on myself to not become embittered and to find the strength to 'move on'. My ex and the girlfriend have a lovely life - if appearances are anything to go by - whilst I am left with the million pieces they shattered mine and our children's lives into. If you had any self esteem or self worth, you would walk way and find something better. Because people who do this - who make vows with people, build lives, have children, make homes and then stick two fingers up at it by sleeping with someone else - think nothing at all of screwing over anyone who gets in their way. You are no different. You are simply a means to an end.

I have just started reading this thread (first couple of pages) and will continue but wanted to post. My dad did this to my mum, it is not just the marriage you are affecting (which is bad enough) but please do not do this to the children.... it is so hard for children to get over the betrayal and stays with them all their lives. at the end of the day it is selfish, you and he will be part of wrecking several lives.

savingmore

purpletoenails wrote: »

I'm single, I'm not technically cheating on anyone

you are knowingly cheating on his wife and his children, sorry, but you are aware of their existence so you are in a relationship with the husband/father.

there is no happy ending here as others have said, someone is going to get hurt, and probably it is going to be you and everyone else too.

Dave101t

she isnt cheating, how can she be she is single. a home wrecker yes, not a cheater.

poet123

savingmore wrote: »

I have just started reading this thread (first couple of pages) and will continue but wanted to post. My dad did this to my mum, it is not just the marriage you are affecting (which is bad enough) but please do not do this to the children.... it is so hard for children to get over the betrayal and stays with them all their lives. at the end of the day it is selfish, you and he will be part of wrecking several lives.

I agree with this, one of my sons is in a relationship with a girl whose father was a serial philanderer, and my son pays the price for this every day. He loves her, but her trust is so fragile that I really fear for their future. It is hard to stand by and say nothing....but that is what I have to do.

Pollycat

My question:
When are you planning to meet him next?
Your reply:
In about 2 and a half weeks time

Is that after he's been on holiday with his wife and children?

Do you lie awake at night wondering what he's saying to her, wondering what he's doing with her?

If it works out as you hope it will and he leaves his wife, will you wonder where he is when he's been out of the house for 10 hours?

Dave101t

any woman who allows herself to be the 'other' woman is living in cloud cuckoo land. cuckoo!

purpletoenails

Pollycat wrote: »

My question:
When are you planning to meet him next?
Your reply:
In about 2 and a half weeks time

Is that after he's been on holiday with his wife and children?

Do you lie awake at night wondering what he's saying to her, wondering what he's doing with her?

If it works out as you hope it will and he leaves his wife, will you wonder where he is when he's been out of the house for 10 hours?

No it's before he goes away. I did originally say to him that we would meet after his holiday to discuss it, and he said he would be worried the whole time he was away that I would have disappeared by the time he got back (make of that what you will) and it does make more sense this way as there is little or no chance of us contacting each other while he is on holiday.

No, I never lie awake wondering what they are doing together.

I am 99.9% sure that he does not make a habit of cheating. I've no reason to believe he would do it again.

Pollycat

purpletoenails wrote: »

I am 99.9% sure that he does not make a habit of cheating. I've no reason to believe he would do it again.

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

purpletoenails

Pollycat wrote: »

:rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

I did realise when I typed that, that it would more than likely raise a few laughs

However, that is what I believe. If he was just popping round here for a quickie every time he happened to be passing then I would agree with you, but that's not the case and it's never been like that.