Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

purpletoenails

a1969baby wrote: »

PT you know this man better than any of us, and are best placed to have an inkling what his answers are going to be next time you see him. Do you have any sort of gut feeling as to what he might say?

Truthfully, I think he will say he doesn't know.

I've never made any demands of him before and he's never made me any promises.

Pollycat

purpletoenails wrote: »

Truthfully, I think he will say he doesn't know.

I've never made any demands of him before and he's never made me any promises.

So what will you say & do if he does say he doesn't know?

That's the easy way out for him, isn't it?
He doesn't have to make a decision and he'll hope that things just drift on as before.

It was you who posted that you were getting fed up of things as they are.

Do you have the courage to walk away?

FBaby

I think it is actually quite straight forward really. He is either totally sincere, totally confused at what is happening to him, trully totally in love with you, and the only truthful reason why he is still with his wife is because he can't bear not seeing his children regularly any longer. This, unfortunately, although possible, is not the most likely case. However, if it is, he most likely would not be waiting until seeing you again to discuss what you have said to you. He would be calling you, telling you that he has been thinking of what you've said every day, that he understand how you feel and know how totally unfair it is for you to be put in the situation you are in, and that he has decided either to set you free and stop the relationship because there is no way he can take the chance not to have regular contact with his children any longer, or, that he has decided that he couldn't keep expecting you to accept the situation as it is and therefore decided to leave his wife there and then.

Or.... he does care very much for you, even probably trully love you, however, not enough to be prepared to leave not just his kids, but maybe the wife who despite what he might say, actually also still love very much, or worse, not leave the comfort that comes with the relationship, or lose out financially through the divorce she will ask for, all the money he worked very hard to earn. However, despite what you told him, he doesn't want to lose what he has with you, and so is most likely to wait until you are meeting again to discuss the conversation, likely to wait until you bring it up again, and likely to give a sob story about how much he loves you, doesn't want to lose you and therefore he has decided to leave his wife, however, he needs to sort out a few things before he does it officially. He will try to keep you hanging on for how long as possible, probably already knowing that the time has come for this arrangement to end, but trying to keep it going and enjoying it for how long as it can last because you start to realise that he trully never intend to leave.

One sure thing, you need to separate his feelings for you from the actions he is capable of taking. Even if he does love you as much as you believe he does, it doesn't mean he is trully prepared to leave for many reasons... even more afraid of any confrontations with his wife than he loves you, even more attached to his financial stability than he loves you, even more concern about his status and what people think of him than he loves you... In the end, you are now at the stage where his love his not enough, what you need is action, this means things changing now, when he might decide that a good compromise is just to make promises...

purpletoenails

FBaby wrote: »

I think it is actually quite straight forward really. He is either totally sincere, totally confused at what is happening to him, trully totally in love with you, and the only truthful reason why he is still with his wife is because he can't bear not seeing his children regularly any longer. This, unfortunately, although possible, is not the most likely case. However, if it is, he most likely would not be waiting until seeing you again to discuss what you have said to you. He would be calling you, telling you that he has been thinking of what you've said every day, that he understand how you feel and know how totally unfair it is for you to be put in the situation you are in, and that he has decided either to set you free and stop the relationship because there is no way he can take the chance not to have regular contact with his children any longer, or, that he has decided that he couldn't keep expecting you to accept the situation as it is and therefore decided to leave his wife there and then.

Or.... he does care very much for you, even probably trully love you, however, not enough to be prepared to leave not just his kids, but maybe the wife who despite what he might say, actually also still love very much, or worse, not leave the comfort that comes with the relationship, or lose out financially through the divorce she will ask for, all the money he worked very hard to earn. However, despite what you told him, he doesn't want to lose what he has with you, and so is most likely to wait until you are meeting again to discuss the conversation, likely to wait until you bring it up again, and likely to give a sob story about how much he loves you, doesn't want to lose you and therefore he has decided to leave his wife, however, he needs to sort out a few things before he does it officially. He will try to keep you hanging on for how long as possible, probably already knowing that the time has come for this arrangement to end, but trying to keep it going and enjoying it for how long as it can last because you start to realise that he trully never intend to leave.

One sure thing, you need to separate his feelings for you from the actions he is capable of taking. Even if he does love you as much as you believe he does, it doesn't mean he is trully prepared to leave for many reasons... even more afraid of any confrontations with his wife than he loves you, even more attached to his financial stability than he loves you, even more concern about his status and what people think of him than he loves you... In the end, you are now at the stage where his love his not enough, what you need is action, this means things changing now, when he might decide that a good compromise is just to make promises...

That was a great post thank you

Any or all of the above could be true.

purpletoenails

Pollycat wrote: »

So what will you say & do if he does say he doesn't know?

That's the easy way out for him, isn't it?
He doesn't have to make a decision and he'll hope that things just drift on as before.

It was you who posted that you were getting fed up of things as they are.

Do you have the courage to walk away?

Yes, I'm really hoping that I have

1echidna

purpletoenails wrote: »

Yes, I'm really hoping that I have

Isn't it exciting, she can walk away, leave things as they be or stage a takeover bid.

gratefulforhelp_2

I hope the rest of the thread contains some comment on the morality of this.

POPPYOSCAR

1echidna wrote: »

Isn't it exciting, she can walk away, leave things as they be or stage a takeover bid.

Don't see what is so 'exciting' about all this, I find it all quite unfortunate
the position of all parties involved.

poet123

Morals are not popular!

POPPYOSCAR

poet123 wrote: »

Morals are not popular!

I think most of the posts have been highly critical of the OP actually.

I have my own moral standards but prefer not to make judgement on others in these circumstances.