Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Sambucus_Nigra

I am afraid I have no time for anyone who sleeps with someone else's husband or wife.

I did want to point out that he said you were 'an important part of my life', rather than 'you ARE my life'.

Which says it all really.

Wickedkitten

purpletoenails wrote: »

No which is why I had the conversation with him yesterday - if he decides he's not going to make a commitment, then I will be deciding to walk away.

You're giving him the choice, you need to tell him that if he doesn't give you a commitment, then its done.

FatVonD

For his wife's sake I actually hope he does choose you.

For your sake I hope he chooses his wife.

For both your sakes I hope you have the strength to walk away.

cheepskate_2

A dead horse is being flogged her, as the O.P has made her mind up even before she came on here.

HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU, you are there as a little distraction, nothing less, nothing more.

I know someone who has constant affairs that last for about 5 years before she moves onto the next one.,

EACH man says to her:

Only got married to wife because of (insert excuse)

loves her, cant stand the wife ,

NEVER loved the wife.

will leave the wife, but cant at moment because (insert any excuse, just change excuse when old one cant be used)

Has not had sexual relationship with wife for years.

both (he and wife) lead totally separate lives.Do nothing at all with wife- which must mean no family holidays either.

Wishes he had met (friend) first as never met anyone like her.

BUT strangely when they get caught out or she pushes for change they stay with the wife, but are still quite happily to continue affair as long as she will take them- saves them having to look for another person that will take scraps.

POPPYOSCAR

Do you seriously think that someone who is in love with someone they have been seeing for over 2 years is going to suddenly take notice of strangers on a forum, some of whom have been quite scathing in their comments?

pinkmami

PERFECT PARADOX - post 14. I could have written that myself. 13 yrs down the line we're happily married, building our own place & have 3 kids.

Pollycat

pinkmami wrote: »

PERFECT PARADOX - post 14. I could have written that myself. 13 yrs down the line we're happily married, building our own place & have 3 kids.

And how is the woman your now partner cheated on?
The woman your now partner had a relationship (or maybe even marriage) with before you came onto the scene.

Is she happy?
Do you care?

a1969baby

purpletoenails wrote: »

I didn't really want to put it on here because I felt it would be jumped upon and probably ridiculed, but he did look rather upset and said he couldn't imagine life without me and although he didn't see me as often as he would like, I was a very important part of his life.

justmel wrote: »

He said he couldn't imagine life without you? That says to me that he is fully expecting to live without you and that once you actually decide to walk away he is going to let you go rather than choose you over his wife. Why? I couldn't imagine my life without my children in it, or my best friend, or my sister, or my parents, this doesn't mean I am expecting any of them to disappear any time soon, and I certainly hope they don't!

thorsoak wrote: »

Oh dear Purpletoes - it's not going to go your way, is it?

You say "he did look rather upset and said he couldn't imagine life without me and although he didn't see me as often as he would like, I was a very important part of his life."

"Part" of his life does not mean the whole of his life - it sounds as if he is a person who likes to parcel his life up into sections and keep them apart. Even were he not married, I would not see him being capable of making an exclusive commitment to you.I don't get this at all - everybodys life is made up of 'parts', if somebody said to me I was their 'whole' life I would find this very worrying. Work, kids, friends, family, hobbies - all these things and more make up a life, not just one person

PT you know this man better than any of us, and are best placed to have an inkling what his answers are going to be next time you see him. Do you have any sort of gut feeling as to what he might say?

justmel

Family and friends are completely different to two romantic relationships though,you don't expect to have to make a choice between those people and you would feel very put out if you were even asked to.

When you have two romantic relationships you cannot have both,certainly not openly publicly and with the two people having knowledge of eachother unless this man's wife is willing to accept that and at this point that is not the case.

His reaction to me is very much one of 'i will miss you,i am imagining life without you,it isn't nice etc' but certainly not one of 'i cannot imagine life without you and i am going to make sure i do what you ask to make sure that doesn't happen'.


In all honesty it really doesn't matter what anyone here says,the OP will do what she wants to do,it is her life and if she wants to waste any part of it waiting around for him that really is her choice,i do believe his wife should also have a choice but i don't think that it is for the OP to tell her.

All said and done if this woman is living happily thinking her marriage is going well and a total stranger turns up declaring that she has been having an affair with her husband she might not believe it anyway,it may sow a seed of doubt but if he is a good liar he will talk his way out of it if he wants to.

OP everyone here has given you advice and yes also the critism that you accepted would come from this post,it really is now up to you to decide your next move so i shall wish you well and hope that both you and this man's wife find happiness in your respective futures either with or without him,it isn't my life and i really don't think i can say anything more to you that you haven't already heard.

purpletoenails

cheepskate wrote: »

A dead horse is being flogged her, as the O.P has made her mind up even before she came on here.

HE DOES NOT LOVE YOU, you are there as a little distraction, nothing less, nothing more.

I know someone who has constant affairs that last for about 5 years before she moves onto the next one.,

EACH man says to her:

Only got married to wife because of (insert excuse)

loves her, cant stand the wife ,

NEVER loved the wife.

will leave the wife, but cant at moment because (insert any excuse, just change excuse when old one cant be used)

Has not had sexual relationship with wife for years.

both (he and wife) lead totally separate lives.Do nothing at all with wife- which must mean no family holidays either.

Wishes he had met (friend) first as never met anyone like her.

BUT strangely when they get caught out or she pushes for change they stay with the wife, but are still quite happily to continue affair as long as she will take them- saves them having to look for another person that will take scraps.

Fortunately he has never said any of the above to me.

Rest assured I will not be making a habit of having relationships with married men, I can't imagine why anyone would do it over and over again, unless they prefer just to be in a part time relationship with no commitment and no security