Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Errata

I doubt he'll give you any more time than he has done for the last 2 1/2 years. His lies to his wife about where he is and who he's with every 2 - 3 weeks might have kept him in the clear so far but absences happening more frequently than that will take a lot more lying on his part.
What lie does he tell you he usually tells her when he goes awol?

Elle7

purpletoenails wrote: »

I fully agree that in an ideal world this would happen, however people do stay in relationships for a variety of reasons

You seem to really want to believe this...it just isn't true. You just need to spend a few weeks on here and there will be loads of posts from relationships which have broken up at bad times - while pregnant, while the baby is young, while they are at school, while they are at uni, when they leave home.

Do you really think him and his wife plan to just twiddle their thumbs as their kids grow up? They'll be making more, new plans all the time... for a start, what kind of unhappy home goes on long holidays? Or any holiday at all? The idea of spending a long time together would be hell!

My Dad was the man who was always cheating, but would never leave. He often told us he was waiting for the right time. He didn't mean the right time meaning for us to be old enough, although I'm confident he thought he did - he meant the time he felt like choosing. It never came...not for any of the women, even the one he played away with for 6 years.

I don't expect this to change your mind, because you've ignored plenty of better comments then mine, and I understand that your probably just not ready to acknowledge the truth yet. I just think it'd be tragic for you to lose more of your time on someone who doesn't think you are worth the effort. If he felt you were, if he really thought he'd made a mistake with his wife and you were the woman of his dreams, he'd have left her before now. He'd want to make up for lost time, not lose more of it.

CH27

Elle7 wrote: »

You seem to really want to believe this...it just isn't true. You just need to spend a few weeks on here and there will be loads of posts from relationships which have broken up at bad times - while pregnant, while the baby is young, while they are at school, while they are at uni, when they leave home.

Do you really think him and his wife plan to just twiddle their thumbs as their kids grow up? They'll be making more, new plans all the time... for a start, what kind of unhappy home goes on long holidays? Or any holiday at all? The idea of spending a long time together would be hell!

My Dad was the man who was always cheating, but would never leave. He often told us he was waiting for the right time. He didn't mean the right time meaning for us to be old enough, although I'm confident he thought he did - he meant the time he felt like choosing. It never came...not for any of the women, even the one he played away with for 6 years.

I don't expect this to change your mind, because you've ignored plenty of better comments then mine, and I understand that your probably just not ready to acknowledge the truth yet. I just think it'd be tragic for you to lose more of your time on someone who doesn't think you are worth the effort. If he felt you were, if he really thought he'd made a mistake with his wife and you were the woman of his dreams, he'd have left her before now. He'd want to make up for lost time, not lose more of it.

Good point.

purpletoenails

Errata wrote: »

I doubt he'll give you any more time than he has done for the last 2 1/2 years. His lies to his wife about where he is and who he's with every 2 - 3 weeks might have kept him in the clear so far but absences happening more frequently than that will take a lot more lying on his part.
What lie does he tell you he usually tells her when he goes awol?

I've no idea, I haven't asked, sorry

Gillyx

I do believe that people can fall in love with someone else while in a relationship, but if it was true love, they'd leave there "loveless" marriage and get together with there "true" love. In most cases it's not, no matter what he/she will tell you, it's about having there cake and eating it.

If he loves you as much as he says he does, why can't he leave his wife? If you were the one for him, he'd do it.

He may have feelings for you, but respect?

purpletoenails

Elle7 wrote: »

Y

... for a start, what kind of unhappy home goes on long holidays? Or any holiday at all?

.

Quite a few probably!

paddy's_mum

[QUOTE=purpletoenails;45295450to_know_that_he_has_been_spending_time_with_someone_else?[/QUOTE]

Spending time. Spending time? Spending time ... b***er off!

You deserve a degree in Euphemism.

POPPYOSCAR

Gillyx wrote: »

I do believe that people can fall in love with someone else while in a relationship, but if it was true love, they'd leave there "loveless" marriage and get together with there "true" love. In most cases it's not, no matter what he/she will tell you, it's about having there cake and eating it.

If he loves you as much as he says he does, why can't he leave his wife? If you were the one for him, he'd do it.

He may have feelings for you, but respect?

I agree with you.

However,

I have a relative who is not happy in his marriage and neither is his wife but living together still seems to suit them. They lead lives both together, such as family holidays, but also do a lot of things without each other. Both his parents and his daughter have met his girlfriend.

Not a life I could live but it seems to work for them.

Elle7

purpletoenails wrote: »

Quite a few probably!

That makes no sense. Why would he pay to go away with his wife if she's so bad that he needs to cheat on her?

If he can put up with her non stop for a week, or longer, he could have done the same until whatever event happens that you are convinced will make him leave her. That would make him a decent man.

As the child who was there, it does not make him a better man that he hasn't broken up the home. I would have rather my Dad just left rather then dragging out the pain, and making us all wonder if those memories we had were real, or if it was him just pretending he wanted to be a family.

I tried to be nice and helpful, and give you another view to think about. You just shoot down anyone who tries to help though. Can an affair have a happy ending? Maybe, if your idea of a happy ending is that you get the man in the end. If you think about it from a wider view, and consider other people, then no. Someone will get hurt, either you, or his wife and children. How on earth do either of you justify that?

Gillyx

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I agree with you.

However,

I have a relative who is not happy in his marriage and neither is his wife but living together still seems to suit them. They lead lives both together, such as family holidays, but also do a lot of things without each other. Both his parents and his daughter have met his girlfriend.

Not a life I could live but it seems to work for them.

I find that strange, but if it works for them then fair play. They are honest with each other and that is the main thing in my mind.

It's dishonesty and deceit I hate. I know of a few men who are continual cheats, I lost a good friend over it, as her boyfriend had slept with the whole town and trying to tell someone, they won't believe you.