Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

purpletoenails

Person_one wrote: »

You know, I thought I caught a distinct whiff earlier on. Most people don't keep coming back to placidly hear how awful they are, most people aren't anywhere near this obtuse either!

I don't keep coming back to hear how awful I am, and I can't tell how much some of these comments have affected me, I have tried not to retaliate, as I don't really want this thread to turn into a slanging match. I am interested in peoples opinions and have taken them on board. I am also not meaning to be obtuse, I seriously don't think it is my place to tell his wife what he is has been doing, it is up to him to tell her.

lostinrates

I do not want it to seem as if I believe Purpletoenail's behaviour to be acceptable over the affaire but I do think she's doing well not to be rude in retaliation.

I really think its no better to round on people either and to behave poorly when accusing others of the same.

thorsoak

Will you continue to meet?

lemontree

It seems to be quite a trend on here to call people "trolls" and others follow like sheep. Give the girl a chance and if you don't like the thread don"t read it!!!!

Ally

purpletoenails wrote: »

Maybe I am being stupid, but if he has no intention of leaving, and it also suits her to continue living as they have been, I can't see how it would be of any benefit to her, and certainly of no benefit to the children, to know that he has been spending time with someone else?

I don't think you are being stupid. It is self preservation on your part in my opinion that is blinding you to what is a fundamental right of his wife - to know the truth. I believe you would rather her not know about the affair (if he does not intend to leave her) because ultimately, it will make your life easier and right now, that is more important to you than her knowing the truth about her husband.

I honestly believe, based on your posts and your approach to the replies to your post, you're afraid of dealing with the fallout should this come to light. I don't think you want to be (truly) hated (out in the real world and not behind a computer screen) and blamed by his wife and children for the pain your part in this affair would be causing them.

I also think you don't want to have to explain your relationship to your daughter as it is quite obviously not a situation you would wish upon her ... however, should she become aware, it would most definitely impact on what bearings she affords your opinion on the matter and in the worst case scenario (which I hope does not happen), her relationship with you. Can you see that you have a choice in this matter whereas your lovers wife does not?

Is your son much older than your daughter if you don't mind me asking? I know you said this married man has nothing to do with your daughter but I find it odd that your son has met/is aware of him and that you feel that the man you love, and who loves you in return, has nothing to do with your children (daughter at least)?

After reading some of your later posts ... I wonder if his wife is aware that he "wonders" a little. Maybe she is the way she is with him because he has done this before? Right now, if all she is concerned with is material things and finances etc, maybe she is on her way out and making sure she wrings every last penny out of him? Just a thought?

I hope today went well and that you had some courage to seek the answers you need

1echidna

Don't take any notice of all these awful judgemental people purpletoenails, give those toenails another coat of purple.:D

Person_one

lemontree wrote: »

It seems to be quite a trend on here to call people "trolls" and others follow like sheep. Give the girl a chance and if you don't like the thread don"t read it!!!!

I think 19 pages counts as a 'chance'!

There are some telltale giveaways with troll threads, and if a poster starts to display a few of them its only natural to wonder. People take the time to give advice and opinions on subjects that are often quite emotionally fraught, and when you've had it happen a few times that the poster was just trolling for laughs, you get a bit more alert!

The OP may or may not be a troll, but its not terribly shocking that a few people have their doubts!

purpletoenails

Okay here’s what happened yesterday. I’m not sure if I did the ‘right’ thing, or whether the majority of posters on here will approve, but what’s done is done and I will now have to see what happens next.

I was with him for about 10 hours, we chatted, had a few beers, food, and walked for miles. The conversation that I had with him lasted around 30-45 minutes as I did not want to spoil the whole day by going round in circles talking about it, nor did I see any benefit to labouring the point once I’d said what I wanted to say.

I told him that I was feeling unsatisfied with the relationship as it stands and that although I do love him, it is no longer enough for me, and while I fully understood the situation he is in, he needs to make a decision one way or another as to whether we have a future together on a more permanent basis. I have asked him to seriously think about this before the next time we meet (and depending on what he has to say, I will decide to hang in there or walk away) He is due to go away on his holidays shortly afterwards so I think that if the decision is to end things, it will be easier to stick to knowing that it will be very difficult to contact each other for several weeks.

I know this probably wasn’t what some people hoped would happen, but I didn’t want to put him on the spot to try and get an immediate answer.

purpletoenails

Ally wrote: »

I also think you don't want to have to explain your relationship to your daughter as it is quite obviously not a situation you would wish upon her ... however, should she become aware, it would most definitely impact on what bearings she affords your opinion on the matter and in the worst case scenario (which I hope does not happen), her relationship with you. I would not introduce any partner of mine to my daughter unless I was certain that they were going to be a permanent feature in my life. I have no need to explain to her about something she is unaware of.

Is your son much older than your daughter if you don't mind me asking? I know you said this married man has nothing to do with your daughter but I find it odd that your son has met/is aware of him He is 22 and has only met in passing

After reading some of your later posts ... I wonder if his wife is aware that he "wonders" a little. Maybe she is the way she is with him because he has done this before? Right now, if all she is concerned with is material things and finances etc, maybe she is on her way out and making sure she wrings every last penny out of him? Just a thought? She has been this way as long as I have known him

I hope today went well and that you had some courage to seek the answers you need

Thank you

shellsuit

Do you know his wife then? (I remember you said you'd been friends with the guy for much longer than you've been 'seeing' him).