Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

euronorris

I'm not trying to be vindictive to the OP. But, she has tried to excuse and justify her choice to start a relationship with a married man. There is no excuse.

If she came on here and said 'I've made a mistake, and now find myself in a position I don't want to be in, please offer advice.' and was willing to accept the part she's played in this situation coming into being, then she'd probably get a better reception from people, and more helpful advice too.

I, for one, am not going to sit here and tell her that she is completely faultless, she isn't. Part of good advice is sometimes offering the truth, however hard it may be for the other person to hear. If she truly wants to move forward, and ensure she doesn't find herself in this situation again, she needs to examine the part SHE played in making this situation happen.

FatVonD

I agree that the vast majority of the blame lies at the spouse's feet but but what I find really galling is the OP's lack of empathy for the poor wife and I suppose really the selfishness of it all.

As for the original question, is there ever a happy ending...

For the husband, possibly but I doubt his idea of a happy ending is the same as the OP's. I imagine his happy ending would be to carry on having his cake and eating it.

Lunar_Eclipse

purpletoenails wrote: »

Why do you assume she is better off knowing? What's the point in upsettng her for no reason? I'm not spiteful or vengeful, if he decides that after all, he wants to remain where he is, then it's up to him to tell her if he wants to.

Okay, I can see that you are struggling to understand why his wife should know. Forget about everybody else for just one minute. Him. You. In fact, forget that you are even involved in this situation personally.

It's because, she deserves to know. Actually, she has a right to know, since he is breaking his marriage vows. Unless his wife is turning a blind eye to the situation, then she is not married to the person she thinks she is married to. Can you begin to understand that? It would be like you finding out one of your children is not actually your child, but someone else's.

This man is being deceitful and untrustworthy. Most people do not want to be married or with someone like that. I'm trying to stay objective so you get it, but personally, I would have nothing more to do with my husband if he was deceitful in this way. It wouldn't matter whether I wanted to stay with him, he wanted to stay with me, we loved each other, had children or whatever. I quite simply would not allow the relationship to continue. The trust would be gone, which is critically important to me (not necessarily to everyone), thus there would be nothing left in the marriage.

Take a step back and think about it.

POPPYOSCAR

I do not think it is for the OP to tell the wife, it is for the husband to do that. If it were me I would not want to be told by the 'other woman' that would be so much more hurtful IMO.

lostinrates

|Actually, I think purpletoenails is right in that it is not her place to tell the woman (I also think its not her place to do what she is currently doing though...)

I've never been in the position that I know of, but I've been thinking about it and I think the only thing that could make it worse would be the ''other woman'' telling me. Its bound to be emotional even if phrased sensitively by OW.

I can't think how I'd want to find out but I know I wouldn't want OW telling me!

euronorris

lostinrates wrote: »

|Actually, I think purpletoenails is right in that it is not her place to tell the woman (I also think its not her place to do what she is currently doing though...)

I've never been in the position that I know of, but I've been thinking about it and I think the only thing that could make it worse would be the ''other woman'' telling me. Its bound to be emotional even if phrased sensitively by OW.

I can't think how I'd want to find out but I know I wouldn't want OW telling me!

I wouldn't like it, and it would undoubtedly be worse coming from her, but I'd still prefer that to being kept in the dark entirely.

Lunar_Eclipse

I'm not suggesting the OP tells his wife. I agree she shouldn't. She has no place in the matter.

I also don't really care what the outcome here is, because whatever happens there will be pain and unhappiness in the short term at least. And innocent parties affected. What a mess! It's incredibly sad how a parent fooling around with a bit of extra curricular interest can cause such long term damage, particularly in their children. Whether they love their mistress/boyfriend or not is really neither here nor there.

I am just utterly gobsmacked that the OP can't understand why the wife should know. It's so fundamentally basic.

harrys_nan

Well he will come to you when his wife chucks him out, cos anybody has an affair is extremely selfish and gutless, and being with you is better than being on their own. You then have to sit back and wait for history to repeat itself and your the one wondering whats going on.
If a marriage breaks down, which they do, why don't ppl just call it a day and move out, then find a new partner and life

candygirl

harrys_nan wrote: »

Well he will come to you when his wife chucks him out, cos anybody has an affair is extremely selfish and gutless, and being with you is better than being on their own. You then have to sit back and wait for history to repeat itself and your the one wondering whats going on.
If a marriage breaks down, which they do, why don't ppl just call it a day and move out, then find a new partner and life

Because they want to have their cake and eat it:mad::mad::mad::mad:

Kira000

Things always have a way of coming back on people. karma indeed.

I discovered my ex-OH was having an affair with someone he met whilst he was on a trip, when he went away for the weekend to see his mum, siblings, and his son (by someone else) and left his MSN account signed in by accident, and she messaged him.
It was in portugese, but unfortunately for them, i speak enough spanish to make out the gist of the message, which was in no way platonic!

I called him and told him i had a message to pass on, read him the translation, and hung up. When he arrived home the next day, he found his bags packed, and that was that.

Fast forward 2 months, Ex now in another country, shacked up with now pregnant new girlfriend. Good riddance

Fast Forward 5 months, ex now has dystentry, and has been made to marry the catholic girlfriend by said girlfriends unhappy father.
I start to receive stroppy calls from said new wife telling me to keep my hands of her man, and find one of my own. Which i laugh at as would not touch with a bargepole ever again. Realise he never told her about me, and on the basis of her being very pregnant, decide to bite my tongue and not tell her she was indeed the other woman.

Fast forward now to today. OH now has 3 children with barking mad stroppy wife, who finally kicked him out when she realised what he was like, after trying to stop him going out partying and chatting other women up for 4 years. Separated, 4 children by 2 women, all chasing for child support. Cant come back to UK as will be declared bankrupt (left a load of debt behind and hid when i kicked him out), doesnt want to stay in the country where wife and kids are as she stalks him.

All good things come to those who deserve them. He has exactly what he deserves, and she unfortunately is not happy either. Some guys just do what they like, and leave a wake of destruction, they cant be changed and they dont see what they do to other people as wrong. My advice to the OP, is get rid, stay rid, and find a man with a conscience and self respect.