Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Errata

euronorris wrote: »

I just don't think saying to someone 'oh, there, there, these things happen' is healthy or helpful for them. Because they don't 'just happen'.

Of course they don't. Sometimes they happen because a bloke has a checklist: Successful career, high income, wife and two children, detached house in excellent area, expensive car, expensive private education for the children, bit on the side for a some ego massage (at his convenience of course).
That's not an unusual set up in some circles, and the bits on the side come and go with monotonous regularity because they don't have to be worked for and carry little value.

catkins

mithuthecat wrote: »

I agree with scottish flower that nobody goes looking for an affair or whatever,we meet people in all walks of life and who is to say that those people having a go at the OP might one day find themselves in the same situation as the OP,life throws up these situations wether we like it or not,if it did not there would be no heartache,no hurt and no divorce courts,yes we can give advice but every body takes advice given in a different way,as I said before a good friend of mine is in the same sort of situation,and he will follow his heart as to the outcome,not advice,but do what he thinks is right for all concerned.Love is a very hard word to describe

People may not go looking for an affair but, as others have said, they do not just happen. Yes we all meet people and some of them we may be attracted to and it may be that we meet someone we are attracted to when our marriage is going through a rough patch BUT some of us have morals and love and respect our partners and do take the marriage vows seriously.

If you stop loving your partner then leave. There is no excuse for an affair not if you are the married party or if you are the single party.

paddy's_mum

justmel wrote: »

I wonder how he feels about the prospect of her seeing other men?

Hmmm - interesting thought

whitewing

OP, how did today go with him?

VestanPance

Affairs don't just happen, people decide to let/make them happen. It's not in any way the person being cheated on's fault.

If one party is unhappy, then they should raise that point with their partner and if they can't resolve the issues then break things off before seeking another.

The actions of those that have affairs is that of the weak, self centered and who show nothing but contempt for their partner and the time they've spent together. Someone getting involved with someone who is already with someone else has has disturbingly low morals.

meer53

OP, do you think his wife knows that she's in an unhappy marriage ? Do you believe everything he tells you ? Right up to the day i found out about my ex's affair, we were still sleeping together. How do you think i felt when i found out ? Spare a thought for his wife and children who will have to deal with the fallout from your selfishness (and his) if his wife ever finds out. I hope you can live with yourself, i know i wouldnt be able to.

essexgirly

"Spare a thought for his wife and children who will have to deal with the fallout from your selfishness "

And so why so vindictive to this single woman, yes we all have choices, yes she has fallen for his charm, his endearment, his warmth his whatever, but, it is he who has the the problem, he who has done the cheating, the lies, the going behind the back, the list goes on. She has fallen for it and now she has the problem. She is questioning whether or not to pursue this relationship, not him, he will happily carry on behind his "wife's" back. The OP for all her misendeavours, probably thought she would be able to deal with this, probably thought this was just a bit of fun, but in no way did she realise that she would get so involved, which brings us to the question which she is asking herself now.

I think that the OP has reached a cross roads in this relationship, what does she want, how does she feel, and yes I believe he does love her, but the fact that he is showing commitment to to his family shows he is probably a good man (my opinion, not right but not wrong). If any of us out there were in this position, we would all have mixed feelings.

I wish you all the best and whatever the outcome, I hope you are all ok.

ceridwen

..and I would tend to agree that the wife is entitled to know how things stand - for good or bad.

Because I believe that everyone in every situation needs to know the full facts so that they can make decisions as to how their life will be based on those facts.

I may or may not be wrong in thinking that - maybe "ignorance is bliss". But - it tends to be the way I look at things that people DO have the need and right to know all facts that affect them in every situation - be it relationships/jobs/whatever-it-is and then its up to them what they do about those facts once they actually know what the facts are.

catkins

essexgirly wrote: »

"Spare a thought for his wife and children who will have to deal with the fallout from your selfishness "

And so why so vindictive to this single woman, yes we all have choices, yes she has fallen for his charm, his endearment, his warmth his whatever, but, it is he who has the the problem, he who has done the cheating, the lies, the going behind the back, the list goes on. She has fallen for it and now she has the problem. She is questioning whether or not to pursue this relationship, not him, he will happily carry on behind his "wife's" back.

She may well have "fallen" for him but he is married! Of course he is the one that made marriage vows but she is still in the wrong to be seeing him. Maybe when they first met she did not know he was married but as soon as she did she should have done the honourable thing and ended it

Person_one

essexgirly wrote: »

"Spare a thought for his wife and children who will have to deal with the fallout from your selfishness "

And so why so vindictive to this single woman, yes we all have choices, yes she has fallen for his charm, his endearment, his warmth his whatever, but, it is he who has the the problem, he who has done the cheating, the lies, the going behind the back, the list goes on.

Mainly because she's the one here making excuses I imagine. I doubt he'd be getting an easy time of it if he posted either!

He's the most wrong, she's the second most wrong, which is still quite wrong.