Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

FatVonD

purpletoenails wrote: »

I'm still not sure what good it would do her to know? If, as most people on here assume, he is only using me and will never leave her, then whats the point in her knowing?

Because she has a right to decide whether she wants to share him or not.

I'm not suggesting he does have other mistresses but imagine if he did have (and STIs aside) would you want to be intimate with him if you knew he'd just come home from doing the same thing with another woman (freshly showered or not)? Would you want to perform an intimate act on him (trying not to get banned here!) knowing he'd recently had intercourse with someone else? I'm pretty sure you wouldn't and she has the right to make that choice for herself too! Seriously, why on earth do the pair of you think you have the right to make that decision for her?

I disagree with the people that think everyone has been very harsh on you on here (given the number of women who have found themselves on here due to a marriage breakup due to an affair I'd strapped myself in to read a lot worse!) I actually think a lot of people have been concerned about where your life is going and you should be too. Get shot of him and give yourself a chance to build a future with someone who is 100% yours!

FatVonD

Sorry, I'm on a roll now...

She also has the right to decide whether she wants to spend her life with someone who isn't available emotionally, if her whole life is a lie then she deserves to know to be able to make her own decision about what to do about it.

SaLoGo

FatVonD wrote: »

Sorry, I'm on a roll now...

She also has the right to decide whether she wants to spend her life with someone who isn't available emotionally, if her whole life is a lie then she deserves to know to be able to make her own decision about what to do about it.

I agree. I wish my ex had come to me when he had met her and told me that he didn't love me anymore and wanted to end it to be with her. Yes, it would have hurt like hell but at least I wouldn't have been living a lie for the 6 months he cheated on me.

The truth hurt, but the lies hurt more.

candygirl

I think we're all wasting our time here giving advice, points of view etc, while the OP just wants to bury her head in the sand and try to justify the unjustifiable:(:(:(

purpletoenails

Well, I am off to see him shortly. Thanks for all your replies, good and bad, you are all entitled to your opinions, and I did expect a lot of flak.

To the poster who said another time and another place, I think you are spot on. If we had met in a few years time when he was possibly single (kids left home, no more school fees, no more mortgage) then who knows what would happen. I don't believe either he or his wife are happy in the marriage, and I'm also sure that this is nothing to with me. Perhaps I am merely a symptom of the poor state its in, rather than the cause.

There are certain things which have happened that I have not been free to share on this forum, due to the fact that someone who is reading this may know them, but believe me please when I say he is not happily married.

He enjoys the love and warmth and affection that we share. He likes to have someone he can talk to, that is actually interested in what he has to say, rather than someone who is only interested in the practical, material and financial support that he can provide. He may be able to get his marriage back on track, or maybe he can't, but I realise that while I am around, he has no incentive to try and do so.

I think that today I will be gently broaching the subject of our future together, and whether he thinks that there is one, and if so, how that can be obtained with minimal damage. I suspect he will say he doesn't know, I also know that he will be very hurt if I walk away. He is a genuinely nice man, how he is behaving might not be, but he is kind, considerate, hard working, dependable (yes really!) I have known him for a long time - we are in contact every day. If he's bullsh1tting me I would have known by now.

You can wish me luck, or you can wish I befall some terrible fate on the way to see him for being so wicked, but either way, I hope to get some answers today (I have packed some tissues just in case)

Once again, thank you for all your comments, it is not always easy to get an objective view of situation when you are living in it.

PT x

purpletoenails

candygirl wrote: »

I think we're all wasting our time here giving advice, points of view etc, while the OP just wants to bury her head in the sand and try to justify the unjustifiable:(:(:(

See above

Luckyred

purpletoenails wrote: »

shellsuit, I just do know. From how he is with me, how he looks at me, what he says to me.

Actions speak louder than words.
If he loved you he would move heaven and earth to be with you as much as possible but he is not doing that!
You have had lots of advice/opinions which you did ask for but I believe you are going to ignore all of it because its not what you wanted to hear.
You are wasting your life on this "man" and demeaning yourself.... and for what? You will end up heartbroken at some stage. I feel sorry for you but more so for his wife.

POPPYOSCAR

SaLoGo wrote: »

I agree. I wish my ex had come to me when he had met her and told me that he didn't love me anymore and wanted to end it to be with her. Yes, it would have hurt like hell but at least I wouldn't have been living a lie for the 6 months he cheated on me.

The truth hurt, but the lies hurt more.

But we are all different.

When my ex cheated on me I was devastated, all I could think about was that he did not want to be with me, the fact that there was someone else meant nothing to me.

I could not eat, sleep or work and lost a lot of weight. I would have given anything for him to come back at the time. But a year later I met the man I have now been with for 26 years. I thought I was in love the first time round but it was nothing compared to the love I have with this man.So I am glad I was cheated on it did me a huge favour.

candygirl

purpletoenails wrote: »

See above

likewise;) Oh and have a nice day:D:D

plumpmouse

purpletoenails wrote: »

There are certain things which have happened that I have not been free to share on this forum, due to the fact that someone who is reading this may know them, but believe me please when I say he is not happily married.

He enjoys the love and warmth and affection that we share. He likes to have someone he can talk to, that is actually interested in what he has to say, rather than someone who is only interested in the practical, material and financial support that he can provide.

PT x

This still does not make an affair excusable on either of your parts!!

If his marriage is so unhappy he really should have the balls to leave. His actions and words are all just cowardly really as well as untrue.

I would imagine that from staying in his marriage he also gains something from it. I'm sure his wife offers him practical and material support that he doesn't want to lose. Maybe he feels he can't have that with you?

I don't wish you luck at all. I wish you courage - courage to do the right thing and walk away to a better life, a life not full of lies and deceit because the life you are in at the minute must be truely awful to live in.

I wish his wife luck if he chooses her over you - which I suspect he will. Luck because he is a liar and a cheat and maybe she knows neither. poor woman is living a life where she is being mocked by both of you every time you contact each other.

And most of all I wish his children luck that they never find out what a disgraceful example of a man their father really is!