Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Person_one

purpletoenails wrote: »

Why do you assume she is better off knowing? What's the point in upsettng her for no reason? I'm not spiteful or vengeful, if he decides that after all, he wants to remain where he is, then it's up to him to tell her if he wants to.

I think people have a right to know the truth about their own lives.

Luckyred

I agree with a lot of what has been said already. It seems glaringly obvious to me me that you are just "a bit on the side". He is obviously a deceitful liar who is using you.
Does he ever take you out for a romantic meal, buy you a bunch of flowers, lunch in a country pub, weekends away?
Can you not see from reading some of the posts the immense hurt caused to wives and children by committing adultery with someone elses husband?
If you issue him with an ultimatum then I think you will see his true colours albeit briefly before he turns tail and runs for the hills.
You are young enough a find a man who who will love and cherish you and involve you fully in his life...Christmas, holidays, family celebrations etc. One who cant believe his luck at having found you because I dont believe that you are some kind of slapper. I think you are a decent woman who has lost her way.
Be strong... refuse to accept the crumbs. There is a good man out there for you. Go and find him.
I wish you well for the future.

purpletoenails

Luckyred wrote: »

I agree with a lot of what has been said already. It seems glaringly obvious to me me that you are just "a bit on the side". He is obviously a deceitful liar who is using you.
Does he ever take you out for a romantic meal, buy you a bunch of flowers, lunch in a country pub, weekends away?
Can you not see from reading some of the posts the immense hurt caused to wives and children by committing adultery with someone elses husband?
If you issue him with an ultimatum then I think you will see his true colours albeit briefly before he turns tail and runs for the hills.
You are young enough a find a man who who will love and cherish you and involve you fully in his life...Christmas, holidays, family celebrations etc. One who cant believe his luck at having found you because I dont believe that you are some kind of slapper. I think you are a decent woman who has lost her way.
Be strong... refuse to accept the crumbs. There is a good man out there for you. Go and find him.
I wish you well for the future.

I'm a little loathe to discuss on here what he has bought me or where he has taken me, as I'm sure then he will be accused of 'buying me' or I'll be accused of being 'money grabbing' but yes, we have done all those things, apart from a weekend away, for obvious reasons.

paddy's_mum

purpletoenails wrote: »

we have done all those things, apart from a weekend away, for obvious reasons.

You are being unbelievably disingenous! You were asked pages back whether it is you he takes to his firm's summer outing. You chose not to reply. I'll take that as a no then, shall I?

Now you say that you haven't had mini-holidays or weekends and say - oh how sweetly put! - that it's "for obvious reasons". Tell me, what exactly is that obvious reason?

It wouldn't be because, whatever gloss you put on it, this is a sordid, secret, hole in the corner business, would it?

I have no doubt whatever that you are very much in love with him but your determination not to see the truth of what other people have told you about the damage you are lining up for the poor ignorant innocents in this is an insult to the intelligence you otherwise display.

You can shout out about the depth of your feelings, and his integrity and honour until the cows come home but at rock bottom, YOU are helping HIM to steal from his wife and family. Between the two of you, they are being robbed of loyalty, time, support, money, honesty, health, promises, hope, joint aims and going without to achieve them, the family's future ...

and do you know the saddest thing of all?

By continuing to be in the role of the other woman, you are denying yourself all those things too and that, in a nutshell, is your tragedy.

I never for one moment intended that you should in reality tell his wife but I cannot comprehend how you think it is your place to be beside or beneath him, taking her rightful place, behind her back, setting her up for heaven knows what heartbreak and pain, and then say that such-and-such is not your place.

I wish you well, really I do, because I've been a fool in love myself in the past and know that desperate yearning better than I care to remember. However, might getting this man become a an empty, cold, lonely victory?

purpletoenails

paddy's_mum wrote: »

You are being unbelievably disingenous! You were asked pages back whether it is you he takes to his firm's summer outing. You chose not to reply. I'll take that as a no then, shall I? No, it was employees only, and you know as well as I do that even if it wasn't, it's highly unlikely that I'd be invited to go along

Now you say that you haven't had mini-holidays or weekends and say - oh how sweetly put! - that it's "for obvious reasons". Tell me, what exactly is that obvious reason? Aside from the fact I couldn't leave my daughter alone all night, how exactly would he be able to explain where he is?

It wouldn't be because, whatever gloss you put on it, this is a sordid, secret, hole in the corner business, would it?

I have no doubt whatever that you are very much in love with him but your determination not to see the truth of what other people have told you about the damage you are lining up for the poor ignorant innocents in this is an insult to the intelligence you otherwise display.

You can shout out about the depth of your feelings, and his integrity and honour until the cows come home but at rock bottom, YOU are helping HIM to steal from his wife and family. Between the two of you, they are being robbed of loyalty, time, support, money, honesty, health, promises, hope, joint aims and going without to achieve them, the family's future ...

and do you know the saddest thing of all?

By continuing to be in the role of the other woman, you are denying yourself all those things too and that, in a nutshell, is your tragedy. I am aware of this which is why I asked the question in the first place

I never for one moment intended that you should in reality tell his wife but I cannot comprehend how you think it is your place to be beside or beneath him, taking her rightful place, behind her back, setting her up for heaven knows what heartbreak and pain, and then say that such-and-such is not your place.

I wish you well, really I do, because I've been a fool in love myself in the past and know that desperate yearning better than I care to remember. However, might getting this man become a an empty, cold, lonely victory?

For what its worth I do know that he loves me, but I also know that this does not mean that he will leave his wife and we will live happily ever after

shellsuit

purpletoenails wrote: »

For what its worth I do know that he loves me, but I also know that this does not mean that he will leave his wife and we will live happily ever after

How?!

The whole set up is based on lies and deceit, so how do you know?

gonzo127

purpletoenails wrote: »

For what its worth I do know that he loves me, but I also know that this does not mean that he will leave his wife and we will live happily ever after

i am sorry but you really are in denial, (sadly) people leave their familys all the time for their 'bit on the side' because they do truely love them.

you are a hobby, a little something extra, a game what every you want to call it, but the thing is he really doesnt love you! he might love the idea, he might love the excitment of an affair but he doesnt love you. if he did he would leave his wife. and it can not be put any simplier than that

purpletoenails

shellsuit wrote: »

How?!

The whole set up is based on lies and deceit, so how do you know?

shellsuit, I just do know. From how he is with me, how he looks at me, what he says to me.

Lotus-eater

We all know that it's possible to have a happy ending (for some people) from an affair, but we also all know that it's very rare. Also that someone always gets hurt.
Purpletoenails, he may well love you, but unless you like being the person he doesn't always have time for, or hiding all the time, then find someone else. Other people will love you whilst being able to give you a full time relationship.

I feel sorry for you both, another time, another place. But this is not that time or place, the reality is, he is married with kids and you are helping to break up that family, it can never have a really happy ending.

SaLoGo

purpletoenails wrote: »

From how he is with me, how he looks at me, what he says to me.

The same way my ex husband acted around me days before he announced he was leaving me!

And probably the same way your lover/boyfriend/f*ck buddy (what do you refer to him as?) acts around his wife.

I do know I am biased after what I went through, but even if that hadn't have happened I would still say your relationship with this guy is wrong. I do believe that if he loved you as much as you think he does then he would be with you and only you.