Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

paddy's_mum

Purpletoenails - with your comment in post number 252, you have achieved something that few people in my lifetime have ever been able to do - I have been rendered speechless! :rotfl:

"It's not my place to tell her ..".

Tell me, then....what is your place given all that has gone on behind her back for the past two and half years with her husband?

Despite the fact that I wouldn't wish a broken heart on even my worst enemy, perhaps her revenge will be in letting you have him. In absolute honesty, I am sorry for you.

POPPYOSCAR

plumpmouse wrote: »

Even at the cost of other people. His wife and children???

These things may happen but there really is no excuse for them.

For what it is worth I don't think she is an STI ridden harlot or whatever others have said. I do however things she is doing something that is very wrong on so many levels and I think she knows she is.

I don't think it is possible for all in this situation to have a happy ending. The people I hope don't suffer from it are the children involved regardless of how old they are!

I would have been quite happy for my dad to have met someone else that made him happy. My mother treated him like dirt and I as a teenager would often ask him why he did not divorce her. He had a miserable life because of being married to her.

Errata

purpletoenails wrote: »

No you're correct, I'm quite dissatisfied with the situation at the moment.

I can't see why you wouldn't be. I see my window cleaner more frequently than you appear to see the bloke in question.

purpletoenails

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Purpletoenails - with your comment in post number 252, you have achieved something that few people in my lifetime have ever been able to do - I have been rendered speechless! :rotfl:

"It's not my place to tell her ..".

Tell me, then....what is your place given all that has gone on behind her back for the past two and half years with her husband?

Despite the fact that I wouldn't wish a broken heart on even my worst enemy, perhaps her revenge will be in letting you have him. In absolute honesty, I am sorry for you.

It's HIS place to tell her, not mine. Do you seriously expect me to turn up on her doorstep and announce myself? What good would that do to anyone involved?

clearingout

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I would have been quite happy for my dad to have met someone else that made him happy. My mother treated him like dirt and I as a teenager would often ask him why he did not divorce her. He had a miserable life because of being married to her.

If your dad stayed in what you know to have been an unhappy situation, it is worth considering that he probably also got something out of it. People stay for a whole host of reasons - not always honourable, not always sensible and not always understandable by the average outsider looking in. Human beings and their psychology are very complex and society is such in this day and age that we don't have to put up with something which makes us unhappy. 60 years or more ago, perhaps. But not today.

My ex was at it for at least 2 years (I suspect at least another year on top of that, possibly 2) but was seemingly happy to come home every night and during those 4 years, conceive 2 children with me. I am sure his girlfriend wanted him to leave me - maybe she sat quietly waiting as the OP is doing, maybe she made demands. I'm not sure I care. All that matters is the betrayal - whether it was once or once a week for 4 years or somewhere in between, he didn't give a flying you know what about me and our children and the life we were (seemingly) building. But nor did he care about her. Because if he had, he wouldn't have continued to sleep in the same bed as me, tell me he loved me, eat with me, laugh with me, buy me presents, watch TV, go to the pub, talk with me etc. etc. etc. He'd have left me and worked out a fair and reasonable settlement and made sure that the children's lives were as untouched as possible. He'd have been decent and respectful.

Even where relationships are miserable, having an affair with someone to somehow alleviate that 'pain' is hardly fair, is it? Whilst I have no sympathy with the OP, she clearly isn't a horrible person, just someone caught up in something that makes it difficult to see the wood for the trees. Does she deserve this treatment from someone who no doubt tells her he loves her? I don't think so. People like him get off on the power and control they have over people's lives. My ex walked away with his tail between his legs the minute I took that power back. Only wish I worked out how to do that far sooner than I did!

purpletoenails

Errata wrote: »

I can't see why you wouldn't be. I see my window cleaner more frequently than you appear to see the bloke in question.

You probably meant that to be cutting, but you've just given me the best laugh I've had in days - I won't ask why you see your window cleaner so often, but I sincerely hope he's single

plumpmouse

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I would have been quite happy for my dad to have met someone else that made him happy. My mother treated him like dirt and I as a teenager would often ask him why he did not divorce her. He had a miserable life because of being married to her.

Surely it is better to end one relationship before the other. Your Dad didn't need to have an affair to leave your Mum

SaLoGo

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Despite the fact that I wouldn't wish a broken heart on even my worst enemy, perhaps her revenge will be in letting you have him. In absolute honesty, I am sorry for you.

I agree entirely. After I got over the shock, hurt, humiliation and anger of my ex leaving me after he got his bit of fluff up the duff I realised that she is now the one who has to put up with his disgusting habits, his family (from hell) and his complete lack of respect for members of the opposite sex. Someone once told me the best revenge you can give a woman who sleeps with your husband is to let her have him.

justmel

So as of now you see no reason for him to end his marriage because he cannot leave his job and you are also not in a position to move closer to him?

What exactly do you want? You say you want more but you don't want it yet,what are you planning on? 5 or 10 more wasted years on an affair? It could just go on and on and i feel it is a complete waste of anyone's life to be in that position.

No i do not agree morally with what you are doing,i do think he is unlikely to commit and i do sympathise with his wife who for all you know could be thinking she is in a very happy marriage but it is not just years of her life you are potentially wasting it is yours too.

If you want a relationship with him why can't this be a long distance relationship with him as a single man?

Surely you would feel better not having to share him and i think his wife has the right to be told (i agree by him,not you) so that she can decide if she actuallly wants to invest any more of her life in this marriage.

purpletoenails

justmel wrote: »

So as of now you see no reason for him to end his marriage because he cannot leave his job and you are also not in a position to move closer to him?

What exactly do you want? You say you want more but you don't want it yet,what are you planning on? 5 or 10 more wasted years on an affair? It could just go on and on and i feel it is a complete waste of anyone's life to be in that position.

No i do not agree morally with what you are doing,i do think he is unlikely to commit and i do sympathise with his wife who for all you know could be thinking she is in a very happy marriage but it is not just years of her life you are potentially wasting it is yours too.

If you want a relationship with him why can't this be a long distance relationship with him as a single man?

Surely you would feel better not having to share him and i think his wife has the right to be told (i agree by him,not you) so that she can decide if she actuallly wants to invest any more of her life in this marriage.

What I actually meant was that if he does decide that he wants to leave his wife there is no rush for him to do it immediately. I would be quite happy to have a long distance relationship.