Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

hello1971

I havent read all the replies, but have joined to tell my side of the story...
I am married woman have been for 18 yrs, two children of senior school age and I have recently started an affair with a single man I know.
My OH is verbally abusive to me has lied to me cheated on me and has made me miserable for well I dread to think how long! I have not taken the decision to become envolved with someone else lightly but he has really put a smile on my face and is giving me the courage to leave.. not for him but for myself. Our relationship is very early days (months not years!) but I do adore him. My main problem is that I will have to be the one to leave and Im scared that my children will not come with me hence the reason I have stayed.
I suppose what I was trying to say is dont judge everyone.. I have never cheated on my OH before and if the relationship with this guy goes the distance I will never cheat on him as Im not proud of what I am doing but he makes me happy.....and yes ypu can all say well youve done it once blah blah blah but honestly I have had offers before and have declined (get me !!) but this guy is different.
Right ill go and hide now read for the fall out !!

shellsuit

hello1971 wrote: »

I havent read all the replies, but have joined to tell my side of the story...
I am married woman have been for 18 yrs, two children of senior school age and I have recently started an affair with a single man I know.
My OH is verbally abusive to me has lied to me cheated on me and has made me miserable for well I dread to think how long! I have not taken the decision to become envolved with someone else lightly but he has really put a smile on my face and is giving me the courage to leave.. not for him but for myself. Our relationship is very early days (months not years!) but I do adore him. My main problem is that I will have to be the one to leave and Im scared that my children will not come with me hence the reason I have stayed.
I suppose what I was trying to say is dont judge everyone.. I have never cheated on my OH before and if the relationship with this guy goes the distance I will never cheat on him as Im not proud of what I am doing but he makes me happy.....and yes ypu can all say well youve done it once blah blah blah but honestly I have had offers before and have declined (get me !!) but this guy is different.
Right ill go and hide now read for the fall out !!

Surely your husband made you happy once upon a time too?

If your husband is abusive (even if just verbally), imagine what he would be like if he found out your affair.

You didn't have to accept his affairs, you could have told him to hit the road, but by having an affair yourself and trying to justify it by saying your husband has done it before, is like playing tit for tat, plus two wrongs don't make a right.

Sort out the marriage, or end of the marrige first, then you'll be free to see who you want to see and won't have to be as snidey and deceitful as your husband was to you.

Jesswithwings

hello1971 wrote: »

My OH is verbally abusive to me has lied to me cheated on me and has made me miserable for well I dread to think how long!

But you stayed with him, you put up with it!! You could have walked away and had the moral highground, kept your dignity intact and said no, I'm worth more than this, but you didnt. For whatever reason you stayed with your husband. That doesnt give you a green light to go and cheat on him now! You either forgive the past and move on - and not throw it in his face every time things get tough, or you walk away from your husband and into the sunset and into the arms of your lover. You can't have it both ways.

I say it again, there is NEVER an excuse for adultery. Ever. Do people not mean their marriage vows anymore?

a1969baby

hello1971 wrote: »

I havent read all the replies, but have joined to tell my side of the story...
I am married woman have been for 18 yrs, two children of senior school age and I have recently started an affair with a single man I know.
My OH is verbally abusive to me has lied to me cheated on me and has made me miserable for well I dread to think how long! I have not taken the decision to become envolved with someone else lightly but he has really put a smile on my face and is giving me the courage to leave.. not for him but for myself. Our relationship is very early days (months not years!) but I do adore him. My main problem is that I will have to be the one to leave and Im scared that my children will not come with me hence the reason I have stayed.
I suppose what I was trying to say is dont judge everyone.. I have never cheated on my OH before and if the relationship with this guy goes the distance I will never cheat on him as Im not proud of what I am doing but he makes me happy.....and yes ypu can all say well youve done it once blah blah blah but honestly I have had offers before and have declined (get me !!) but this guy is different.
Right ill go and hide now read for the fall out !!

Well I for one hope you get the happiness, and happy ending you are looking for and deserve

I wonder if you should post this as a separate thread? And see what the 'sisterhood' have to say about what you are doing - I bet it will be nowhere near as harsh as the character assassination job they are doing very well on the (single) OP and her (married, probably not very happily) boyfriend.

a1969baby

Sally42 wrote: »

To return to the op ~ can an affair ever have a happy ending? I suspect that you know the answer to this ~ we're simply confirming your suspicions.
My husband had a three and a half year affair. He promised her the world, and on the basis of this, she had his baby. He didn't leave me, had no intentions of doing so. She was a convenient physical repository, someone to talk to, someone who thought that the sun shone out of his backside, and he basked in the adulation. When push came to shove, he chose to stay with me. I chose to allow him to do so. I did, however, keep in contact with his mistress, as much to get answers to my myriad of questions as to keep an eye on her. (she was so smitten that she turned down a chance to emigrate to NZ and made a million and one excuses for him when heir child died without him even bothering to visit her) And, funnily enough, she was shocked when I told her of the affairs he had following the demise of their relationship; she truly thought that she was the one, rather than a convenience.

Why are you still with this man? He's still having affairs and he didn't even bother visiting his ex-mistress when their child died? And you think this is okay? Jeeze..... :eek:

Bold-girl

Apologies for not reading all the posts (just dipped in and out-sorry not a lot of time!) but just wanted to put my tuppence worth in.

My OH had an affair (6 months) and I had absolutely no idea about it. Then when I did find out he blamed me for his wanderings! I didn't go balistic and throw him out (even though I wanted to), but listened to what his reasons were and even though it was hard to hear them, I could see why he thought I was at fault and he finished with the OW and we worked it out between us what was wrong and changed our ways for the better.

I got to know the OW and she said he gave her the sob story and she also was in the same position so it was a case of kindered souls meeting up. She also said that he told her that he would never leave me, so they knew it was never going to go the long distance. We had children (albeit grown up) but she had none.

She left her OH as she realised that her relationship with him was not right and that this fling with my OH made her see this.

We have stayed together and have worked on our marriage.

I'm not telling you this because I want to tell you want to do, only you can decide that, but even perhaps there is something not going well in his marriage, but, and it's a big BUT, he isn't trying to put it right.

I know my OH's affair was found out before our marriage was put right, but if that happened in your case, you would be left bereft anyway. He would have made a choice to leave you and stay with his wife in their marriage, and I'm guessing that will hurt you (even though you are thinking it isn't right they way it is now) you will feel let down because he has NOT chosen you.

You must be feeling unhappy in the situation as you would not have posed the question, so even though you have had plenty of replies, you and only you can make the decision of what you will do.

Good luck in your decision and I hope that it is the right one for you all.

shellsuit

a1969baby wrote: »

Why are you still with this man? He's still having affairs and he didn't even bother visiting his ex-mistress when their child died? And you think this is okay? Jeeze..... :eek:

I missed that earlier in the thread ~ that is shocking and disgusting.

*shakes head*

worbikeman

Closest thing to crazy

POPPYOSCAR

a1969baby wrote: »

Why are you still with this man? He's still having affairs and he didn't even bother visiting his ex-mistress when their child died? And you think this is okay? Jeeze..... :eek:

Yes I agree.


I could not live with such a man.

purpletoenails

FBaby wrote: »

What does worry me OP is that you seem stuck in conflicting feelings. On one hand you seem to accommodate yourself of what he is currently offering you, but on the other hand you are not happy with it and want more. On one hand you are prepared to give this relationship up because of it, on the other, you don't seem prepared to lay it all on the table to discuss because you don't want to put pressure on him.

.

You're right I do have conflicting feelings. I can't carry on as I am, so I do need to know what his long term intentions are. I might not like the answer, but I know I do have to find out.