Can an affair ever have a happy ending?

Person_one

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I just hope that some of the posters on here who think their marriages are so secure, and that their other half would not cheat but end the relationship first, that their words do not come back to haunt them.

You know, I don't think I've seen a single poster express that...

catkins

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I just hope that some of the posters on here who think their marriages are so secure, and that their other half would not cheat but end the relationship first, that their words do not come back to haunt them.

Some of us know our partners have the same morals and would definitely not cheat

nickyhutch

catkins wrote: »

Some of us know our partners have the same morals and would definitely not cheat

Good for you.

poet123

POPPYOSCAR wrote: »

I just hope that some of the posters on here who think their marriages are so secure, and that their other half would not cheat but end the relationship first, that their words do not come back to haunt them.

Really you can only be responsible for your own actions.

You can never be 100% sure of how anyone else will react. Most of us in happy marriages will have discussed this with our partners,(our expectations, and how we would react ) and have a reasonable idea of how their OH would behave in any given situation. That said, things do happen, that it does happen doesn't make it right, or desirable, or something to be accepted without approbation.

janninew

catkins wrote: »

Some of us know our partners have the same morals and would definitely not cheat

I'm happy you believe that and I hope its true. I thought exactly the same, was very happily married, had been together over 8 years and I'd know him since he was 14 years old. We'd talked about cheating and how neither of us would ever do it, I believe he had the same morals as me, but he cheated!

My family and friends couldn't believe it, they all thought (like me) that he was so not the type to cheat. I believe you can only be sure about your own morals, and can't say for definite that your partner wouldn't cheat. Maybe I'm just jaded now though!!

Bogof_Babe

janninew wrote: »

I'm happy you believe that and I hope its true. I thought exactly the same, was very happily married, had been together over 8 years and I'd know him since he was 14 years old. We'd talked about cheating and how neither of us would ever do it, I believe he had the same morals as me, but he cheated!

My family and friends couldn't believe it, they all thought (like me) that he was so not the type to cheat. I believe you can only be sure about your own morals, and can't say for definite that your partner wouldn't cheat. Maybe I'm just jaded now though!!

Ditto, except make that 36 years married! :eek: In my case he only fell for her emotionally, it never became physical (I do believe him on that), but that was almost worse in a way. Also it was partly my fault as I was away a lot due to my mum being (a) in her 90s, then (b) terminally ill, and he got lonely. I can't say I didn't know, as he often said he wished I wasn't going, but I didn't feel I had much choice given the circs. With hindsight I'd still have to do the same, but as mum has now passed away that dilemma no longer exists.

We are working through the fall-out now, and I think (hope) we are back on track, but it hurt like hell all year though. She was old enough to know better, and I'm still not sure of her motives, although *allegedly* her partner gives her a hard time, and also she has money worries, so she might even have been after his cash! (He's 22 years older than her.)

No, you never know what's around the corner. I will never be so complacent again, as long as we live. We have work to do and a long way to go until I feel as trusting as I did before all this, if indeed I ever do.

Person_one

Bogof_Babe wrote: »

Ditto, except make that 36 years married! :eek: In my case he only fell for her emotionally, it never became physical (I do believe him on that), but that was almost worse in a way. Also it was partly my fault as I was away a lot due to my mum being (a) in her 90s, then (b) terminally ill, and he got lonely. I can't say I didn't know, as he often said he wished I wasn't going, but I didn't feel I had much choice given the circs. With hindsight I'd still have to do the same, but as mum has now passed away that dilemma no longer exists.

It was NOT your fault. If you can't count on your partner to be a solid, undemanding background presence during tough situations like this, then what's the bloody point! If your partner creates a 'dilemma' where you have to choose between caring for your dying mother and him staying faithful, he's a S***. Sorry, but he is, would you ever ever have used the same excuse to cheat on him?

Bogof_Babe

Thanks Person_one. Funnily enough when his own dad was dying he used to spend all day and night there and just pop home once a day for half an hour for a bath and change of clothes, and I never complained.

The difference was that I in my case I was 150 miles away so we only spoke once a day on the phone (he doesn't do texting just to say "hello" or spontanious phone calls!).

I believe I am the stronger, less "needy" one of the two of us, and knowing him so well I can sort of understand how he was open to the approaches of an obviously "interested in him" younger woman, who I have to admit was attractive too. I don't think he thought it through at all, just followed his heart.

He completely went to pieces when I found out by putting two and two together, and although he struggled to extricate himself because by then he was so deeply in the grip of it, it wasn't until I put it to him that he could actually lose me and his marriage that it sunk in. His defence was always "but I haven't DONE anything" - er, no, only fallen in love with another woman <rolleyes smiley>.

He so reminds me of Howard, and I remind myself of Pearl, on Last of the Summer Wine!

caledonian_princess

Bogof_Babe, you sound like a very understanding woman who seems to knows her husband better than he knows himself. I've always feared emotional infidelity more than physical, to me it seems a much bigger betrayal than, say a one night stand. I hope things work out for you and your husband and that, in time, it stops hurting so much.

1echidna

caledonian_princess wrote: »

Bogof_Babe, you sound like a very understanding woman who seems to knows her husband better than he knows himself. I've always feared emotional infidelity more than physical, to me it seems a much bigger betrayal than, say a one night stand. I hope things work out for you and your husband and that, in time, it stops hurting so much.

Except with that you can end up with a dose of clap or your OH with a baby to support. There really is a lot of emotional nonsense in some of these replies.